If There's Any Justice
by Harliquin
Summary: When the team are called in to help the NYPD by a mysterious friend of Hotch's, Reid finds himself easily accepting the young Detective's help. But with Hotch watching his every move, it's lucky he has a case to keep his mind occupied. Reid/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? - George Elliott_

The FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit was quite well known all through out America. So Detective Lauren Lewis shouldn't have been so surprised at how busy the office was. As she walked into the drab square room from the elevator people paid little attention to her, just hurrying about with the tasks at hand. Her gaze flicked over the hustle and bustle of the room but didn't see the figure she was looking for. Tapping the closest person on the shoulder they turned to face her obviously annoyed at her interruption.

"I'm looking for Hotch—" She stumbled on her words, knowing she probably shouldn't refer to him so informally here. "Agent Hotchner." She corrected. The man nodded in recognition of the name and simply pointed to an office up a level. Lauren thanked the man but he simply grunted and walked off.

With effort, Lauren just managed to maze through the sea of people without getting bumped into. The door to Hotch's office was already open with him sat at his desk pouring over some papers encased within a brown file.

"You got the case file then?" Lauren asked unable to not smile at seeing Hotch. He looked up straight away. Aaron Hotchner was the head of the BAU and looked the part. He was tall with dark hair and a scowl that could bring down the most stubborn of men. But his usual emotionless face was replaced by a very small smile as he stood and moved to her. She went to hug Hotch but saw him look disapprovingly at her action so instead shook his hand.

"I did get the files." He answered. "We would be happy to help."

"I am glad to hear you say that." Lauren admitted with a sigh. "NYPD has been stuck since the case began." She took a seat as he also returned to his previous place behind his desk. "I feel so useless. There is no physical evidence at the scenes, they are pristine." Her brow creased in confusion and annoyance. "I'm so stuck on this one, Hotch."

"Have you come up with any kind of profile on the unsub?" He asked, not only interested but testing her.

"I think he's a collector. And I am pretty sure he's not killing them just for the satisfaction of murder."

"Is that it?"

"Like I said, I'm really stuck on this one." Her voice was strained revealing how tired she really was. Lauren hadn't slept much for the past two weeks since the killings began and it was beginning to affect her work, this was what worried her the most. She hated not being at her best, it meant she missed things.

"Well, let's talk to the rest of the team. They may be able to come up with something new." Hotch stood once again and headed out, taking the case files with him.

Lauren stayed behind for a moment just looking over Hotch's office. It suited him. There were few pictures or decorations. It was quite plain but had an imposing presence, just walking into it made you feel like you were walking in to a headmaster's office. She smiled, it had been so long since she had seen him last, there was a small hope in her that they could catch up some whilst working on the case together. Standing from her place she moved out ready to meet the rest of the team. Although she was quite used to meeting new people a small surge of butterflies made her stomach lighter. Being a Detective in the NYPD gave her a feel of authority over others at times but these people were the best of the best, and she just hoped she wouldn't seem so amateurish to them all.

Hotch had already begun before Lauren reached the room the team had assembled in. Taking a deep breath she entered.

"The killer has already struck three times in two weeks." Hotch walked in front of a board, already detailing parts of the case. "The unsub always places a flower in the victim's hair, leading to the name the media have given him—"

"The Hibiscus Killer." Lauren chimed in. She didn't really mean to interrupt Hotch, it's just she wanted to make her presence known. A group of eyes suddenly fell on her and she could feel each member of the team quickly making judgements of her.

"This is Detective Lauren Lewis of the NYPD." Hotch introduced. "She is the one who has asked for our help." He turned back to the mix of people that made up the BAU. "This is Agent David Rossi," The man Hotch introduced was obviously the eldest member of the team, but Lauren had already heard of him knowing he was one of the founding fathers of the BAU. "Agents Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan." Emily was pretty with dark hair and a warm smile, Morgan was handsome, dark and giving her a broad grin. Hotch continued the introductions, "This is Agent Jennifer Jareau, our media liason."

"JJ is just fine." The woman resoponded and smiled. She was blonde and again, pretty. Lauren began to wonder if being attractive was one of the requirements of getting a position in this team.

"And this is Dr Spencer Reid." Hotch finished. Lauren looked over the man. He was young, she guessed more her age than the others in the room. He was tall, lanky and the most obvious geek. His hair was quite long and his outfit consisted of a shirt, tie knitted pullover and khaki trousers. He was adorable, but she was sure he wouldn't want to be called that by a woman his age.

"A doctor? At so young?" Lauren asked. She didn't mean to sound disbelieving but she knew that's how it would be interpreted.

"And you're a Detective at so young." Emily commented, it wasn't snide more sounding interested. "And you're not from here are you?" She asked.

"No, I am from jolly old England." Lauren replied with a smile. "I'm sorry if the accent is off putting, I can't get the hang of Americanisms yet." The joke was met with a few laughs which seemed to calm some of the tension in the air.

"Shall we continue?" Hotch asked.

Spencer was surprised to say the least at the newcomer; not only with Detective Lauren Lewis' young age and law enforcement status but also her seemingly informal relationship with Hotch. She didn't really look like the police type. Though Spencer didn't really know what he would class a 'police type', he just knew she didn't fit that category. She was shorter than him with blonde hair pulled back into a knot. With dark brown eyes that contrasted with her pale skin she looked quite unique although the thing that he noticed the most was that she really was beautiful.

"Our new case is in New York." Hotch said, bringing Spencer back from his thoughts. Spencer had been to New York a few times now, the huge masses of people there made him anxious but he was happy to go where the case led him.

"Three murders so quick?" Morgan asked referring to Hotch's earlier statement whilst flicking through the crime scene photos.

"Yes," Hotch replied simply. "He is a sophisticated killer and my guess would be he has killed before to perfect his method but only now have his murders been recognised."

"Yeah, he seems to be a collector." Detective Lewis added, a serious expression now adorning her feminine features.

"What makes you think this?" Morgan asked.

"At each crime scene he has left a Polaroid of the victim next to their body and a trinket, usually a piece of jewellery has been taken." She explained. "But I don't think it's the trophy he is really interested in."

"Most serial killers will usually take some kind of trophy, just to remember the killing with at least." Spencer said confused by her statement.

"I know, but I don't think he is killing them for the sake of murder. I think he is trying to capture them." She moved to the table and selected one of the pictures. It displayed the body of a woman sat slumped on a porch seat. "See how she is dressed? How she is positioned?" Detective Lewis asked. "They are so carefully placed, their clothing similar, their hair done to perfection. Even their make up is like a model's." Spencer looked carefully at the photos of the three victims, each were similarly dressed and positioned as she had said. "And the hibiscus flower in their hair, it means rare or delicate beauty. I think he is trying to capture their splendour, their beauty." The whole team were silent for a moment, each obviously contemplating the thought.

"You know about profiling?" Morgan asked interrupting the quiet.

"I do, I had a good teacher." Spencer caught her glance at Hotch and smile. "Profiling helps when working with the NYPD. But this one I think we will need help on ourselves."

"We will meet you on the plane in twenty." Hotch said finally before nodding to the team and heading away. Detective Lewis followed suit and headed out. Spencer watched her go. He couldn't help but wonder how she knew Hotch. They must be quite close, he surmised, Detectives rarely flew in personally to ask for the BAU's assistance.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_**A successful team beats with one heart- Author Unknown**_

Spencer was last to get on the plane. The rest of the team were already settled in their usual seats busy with individual tasks. Happy with the familiarity of the scene he made his way towards the back to take his own usual place. On his way down the aisle he jumped as someone rose from their seat. But a burning sensation on his arm caught his attention more than who the person was. He hissed in pain as hot liquid burned at his bare skin. Both his hands were occupied: one with a laptop, the other with a book so the only thing he could do was withstand the sting.

"Oh g--I am so sorry!" He recognised the unique accent of Detective Lewis and momentarily forgot the burning. She put down the cup of tea she held and picked up a napkin. "I am such a klutz sometimes; it's being somewhere new and on a plane..." She said, blabbering nervously. Spencer suddenly tensed visibly as she pressed the napkin to his arm, soaking up the brown tea. The burn soothed quite quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't get any over your shirt did I?" She asked looking up at his torso.

"No." Spencer said quickly, stepping back a little, worried she may try and dab the napkin over the rest of him. She looked surprised by his reaction, and he instantly regretted moving back. "Sorry." He said trying to relax.

"For what?" She replied smiling up at him. It was a true smile that reached her eyes and made them sparkle slightly. Spencer had a hard time looking away but diverted his gaze down to the table she was sat at. The case file was spread over it, notes scrawled over the papers. He cleared his throat trying to regain his composure.

"Do you need any help with that?" He asked, gesturing with a nod to the file. She glanced down and then back.

"Only if you have time." She said and Spencer noted the slight relief in her tone. He sat opposite her and placed his laptop on the spare seat.

It had been ten minutes of looking over the same notes before the plane suddenly jolted into life. Spencer looked up as he heard Detective Lewis in take a sharp gasp of breath. Her fingers clutched the seat so tightly her knuckles whitened.

"You don't like flying?" He asked, slightly amused.

"That's an understatement." She seemed to relax a little at his words so he decided to distract her as best he could. Conversation was not a speciality of his, but talking about the case always came easy.

"So is there anything else you have found out about the unsub?"

"I think there is something I haven't seen." She responded, relaxing again as she spoke. "Something about the way the victims are displayed." With a slender finger she pointed to the photos. "Have you ever seen a case where the unsub takes so much time over displaying the body?"

"A couple." Spencer replied. "But those cases are rare and usually the unsub ended up being female."

"A woman?" She asked, more to herself than to him. "Maybe that's it!" She exclaimed suddenly gathering up the photos and laying them out against each other. "Look." She gestured for him to sit next to her. He hesitantly obliged and looked down at the pictures. "The victims were poisoned, which is a common method of murder for female serial killers. Not only this but the victim's make up and clothes are so perfect. The murderer must have done it themselves."

"You think the unsub is female?" Spencer asked, understanding her train of thought.

"I am positive on it."

"But why would a female want to collect the beauty of other women?" He asked. It seemed far more likely for a male to want to collect beauty.

"I…I don't know." Detective Lewis replied disappointedly, she put her hand to her forehead and continued to look through the photos. Her expression was one of frustration and Spencer really wanted to help. It was going to be quite a journey anyway, so he took up the papers again and began to scan them for any relevant information.

* * *

A new revelation in the case and Lauren still felt like it got her no closer to catching the killer. Slumping back into the seat she sighed heavily. She turned to Spencer who was avidly reading through every paper in the case file. His eyes read through the lines at a speed she had never seen. How could anyone even comprehend all that information so fast?

"So what are you a doctor of, Dr Reid?" Lauren asked. He looked to her almost not seeming to realise she had asked a question.

"I, uh, hold a few doctorates: maths, engineering and chemistry." He replied absent-mindedly before returning to look at the papers.

"Wow." It was real shock in her voice, she really was impressed by this man's achievements.

"But I also have BAs in sociology and psychology." He added not even glancing away from his speedy reading.

"_As if the doctorates weren't enough_." Lauren mumbled under her breath. Spencer looked back obviously not catching her words but she simply smiled and readjusted herself in the seat. She couldn't get over the fact she was in a tin can in the sky that could plummet to the ground at any moment. She looked out of the window as rain lashed against the glass. "It looks pretty nasty out there." Spencer bent his neck to see out of her view.

"The statistics that planes crash in bad weather are much less than plane crashes caused by total pilot error." He smiled reassuringly. Lauren's grip tightened on the seat as her expression became somewhat horrified at the thought.

"Not that we'll crash at all." He said back tracking on his previous statement. But it was too late, Lauren was now more terrified than before.

"You're not scaring her with your statistics are you, Reid?" Morgan asked as he moved towards them. He was followed by the rest of the team who were now gathered round the table.

"So what do we know about the unsub?" Agent Rossi asked.

"With Dr Reid's input," Lauren began still unwilling to let go of the seat. "I am certain the unsub is a woman."

"A female?" Morgan asked. Lauren nodded.

"It would fit." Hotch said, and Lauren was reassured by his agreement. "The murders were committed with poison."

"And she obviously takes a lot of care with the body, not common in male killers. Maybe she wants to gain some kind of recognition from it?" Agent Prentiss asked.

"Only 26% of female serial killers do it for the attention they receive from it. But they usually don't kill without having some kind of relationship with the victim." Spencer added.

"When we get to New York our first task should be seeing if these victims have any one person that's common in their life." Rossi said.

"Didn't you do that at that the NYPD?" Morgan asked.

"We did, but we were focused on a male unsub." Laured admitted, annoyed at her own one track mind.

"It doesn't matter, we know now." Hotch said, as if coming to Lauren's defence. She smiled at him weakly in thanks.

"We will be landing in 2 minutes, could everyone please take a seat and use the seat belts provided." The pilot's voice sounded around the plane and Lauren felt a little more at ease knowing she would once again be on solid ground soon enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_**Teamwork: Simply stated, it is less me and more we- Author Unknown**_

New York. It was…busy. As Spencer knew it would be. But he still was never really prepared for the crowds. Getting out of the taxi that had brought them from the airport the noise hit him instantly: people shouting, road works hammering and tourists gasping in amazement. And the smell was not to his liking either. It always smelt of sweat and car fumes in New York even more pungent after the recent rain. Not the most alluring smell for a city he thought.

"Don't worry, Dr Reid." The words startled him and he looked to Detective Lewis. "I'll protect you." She winked at him before moving past and leading the way to the building up ahead. He could hear Morgan laughing quietly behind him but ignored him and followed her.

Inside it was much calmer. The room was even quieter than the BAU's office. Uniformed policemen sat lazily looking at computers; a few were walking around or heading out.

"Lauren, you're back." A voice said. Detective Lewis smiled at the policeman who had addressed her.

"I am, and have returned with the famed BAU as promised." She turned to look at the team. "This is Sergeant Fortrye." Detective Lewis introduced.

"It's good to be of help to the NYPD, Sergeant." Hotch said, stepping forward and shaking Fortrye's hand.

"I'm just glad you could help." He said. "When Lauren said she had such a friend I was pretty eager to get you on board the case."

"Is there a room we could use for the duration of our stay?" Hotch asked. Fortrye nodded and gestured behind him.

"I'm afraid we are limited on resources, but Lauren has volunteered to let you commandeer her office for the time being."

"Of course." Hotch replied, nodded once and then headed to the room. Everyone followed his lead.

The office was small and quite stuffy. One desk sat in the far corner, it was decorated with a variety of plants, all were half dead. Another table sat in the middle cluttered with files, pens and screwed up paper. The board behind it was empty except for the three pictures of the victims and a piece of paper with a scribbled question mark.

"I'm sorry about the mess." Detective Lewis muttered. "I went to the BAU in such a rush I didn't have time to tidy before leaving."

"It's fine." Rossi said and the team instantly got to work setting up their equipment.

After settling in the team were quick to begin, each member focused on their job. Spencer had been tasked with finding any geographical similarities or patterns. He had spread out a map of New York on the board and was currently marking out where the murders had occurred.

"I can't find any person that's common within these women's lives." Morgan said.

"I can't find anything either." Detective Lewis said with a frustrated sigh.

"Ok." Hotch said. "Let's focus on other similarities in their lives. The unsub has to be there somewhere." Morgan nodded at his instructions.

"Any luck, Dr Reid?" Detective Lewis asked. He found it odd how she called him Dr Reid, it was unusual to hear. He'd become so accustomed to people calling him simply Reid.

"Geographical profiling works on the assumption that the unsub will work in a zone that is comfortable." He explained. "Usually far enough from their home not to seem suspicious but close enough to reach easily." He turned back to the board and looked at the red color headed pins dotted about the map. "But the locations seem…random." It was not a word he liked to use. 'Random'. It felt uncontrolled, something he couldn't figure out.

"Maybe the locations aren't important—" Morgan began but was interrupted by Detective Lewis.

"Where was the first victim found?" She asked Spencer.

"On a porch seat outside the Angel Orensanz Center." He said recalling the information from memory easily.

"And the second?" She continued glancing between her laptop and the file.

"Chelsea Piers." He said.

"Where specifically?"

"The Lighthouse." He replied quickly.

"And the third?"

"Outside the—"

"The Foundry in Long City Island." She said finishing his sentence. Everyone turned to her and she peered over her laptop excitedly. "They're wedding hotspots." She revealed.

"Were the victims married?" Hotch asked.

"Yes," Emily said, standing up with the file. "They were all newly weds, just returned from their honeymoons." The recent revelation made the room feel heavy with sorrow. Yet it was all slowly clicking into place.

"Ok, focus on the weddings of the victims: anyone who helped with the wedding or worked there. Catering companies, car drivers, wedding planners, everyone." Hotch's voice was commanding, as it usually was when he felt they were close to finding the killer.

Spencer looked at Detective Lewis as she typed furiously onto her laptop, obviously intent on finding something. He was so far impressed by her. It was as if she didn't need them. She had figured out the unsub was female and had now found the reason behind the locations the killer used. In her own office she seemed more relaxed, not as tense as she was when she first met them all. Usually the detectives who asked for help left the team alone and Spencer preferred it that way. He felt more comfortable working with the people he was used to. It was just easier. But for some reason having her help felt natural.

"Why is she helping us?" Spencer asked suddenly as Hotch went to walk by, voicing his curiosity. Hotch looked to Detective Lewis.

"She won't let go of a case once she's on it." He said still looking at her, Spencer almost thought he saw a smile from the stern head of the BAU. "But trust me, we will solve this quicker with her than without her. Be thankful she is here." He moved past Spencer and continued outside. Spencer shrugged, still confused about the relationship between Hotch and the young Detective.

* * *

This was it. Lauren could feel it. They were close to finding the killer. Her fingers typed quicker than they ever had, fuelled by a sense of resolution to the case. But her hopes of finishing the case came too soon.

"We have another victim." The one sentence made Lauren's heart drop. She turned to face Sergeant Fortrye as he gave the news. "She was just found outside the Central Park Boathouse." They all looked to each other.

"Another wedding hotspot." Lauren announced as she checked the list of top ten New York wedding hotspots she had come across.

"Morgan, Reid." Hotch said. "Go with Lauren to the scene. We still need to focus on finding the killer." She nodded at him and gathered her bag before standing and following Morgan and Spencer out the door.

The crime scene was already packed with spectators surrounding the yellow tape as they arrived.

"Get back please." The police repeated, trying to control the crowds. Lauren flashed her badge at the policemen.

"These two are with me." She said, indicating to Spencer and Morgan. They were all shuffled inside the tape before the crowds could pour through with them.

"Is it always like this?" Morgan asked.

"Crime is like theatre in New York." Lauren said. She hated the fact the public always wanted to see the murder scenes. Couldn't they just be content with leading normal lives that didn't involve such violence? But curiosity was part of human nature she always told herself.

"She was found by a wedding planner and a couple who were potentially going to use the venue for their wedding." One of the officers at the scene explained.

"I guess the wedding's on hold for a while." Morgan commented as they made their way to the body.

The woman was red headed with a hibiscus flower pinned into her intricate hairstyle, her eyes were open staring up at the sky as she was sat on the ground leaning against a tree.

"This dress is Vera Wang." Lauren said, recognizing it from a feature of Vogue. The two men looked to her. She shrugged at them. "Can't a Detective follow fashion?" Morgan smiled but Spencer simply looked confused and turned back to the body.

"The body can't have been here for long, a couple of hours at most I'd say." Morgan examined the body further.

"But that would mean she left the body here at near ten in the morning." Lauren said. "Surely someone would have seen something?"

"Lots of upcoming photographers come here with models." An officer near by explained. "A lot of witnesses said they wouldn't see anything wrong with someone posing a girl and taking pictures."

"There were witnesses?" Spencer said suddenly.

"Where are they?" Lauren asked sharply. The officer gestured to the large crowd of joggers, dog walkers and families behind them.

"You have got to be joking." Morgan said, also looking over the rabble.

"One of them has to have seen something." Spencer said whilst still looking at the body.

"I'm sure they all saw _something_," Lauren sighed. "It's if they saw anything useful." Another sigh left her. "I will get started on the statements."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**_"E_**_**ducation's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."- Malcolm Forbes**_

After Detective Lewis had talked to the crowd she rejoined Spencer and Morgan.

"Have you found anything?" She asked sounding exhausted.

"Not much, very similar to the other victims." Spencer said almost hesitantly not wanting to distress her further. She put her hand on her forehead in frustration. As she moved it a strand of blonde hair fell from the tight knot and in front of her eyes. Spencer couldn't help but look at it. It was as if that one strand let out her vulnerability. He noticed only now how her once bright eyes were slightly dull from fatigue and her fair skin seemed even paler.

"I didn't get anything from the statements either. A whole crowd of people and not one of them saw anything of substance." She said clipping a small pad to her belt.

"I'm going to stay at the scene, see if I can't figure out how the killer could get by so many people unnoticed." Morgan said, pulling on a pair of latex gloves.

"Ok, I'm going to head back to the office. Type up some reports before it gets too late." Detective Lewis looked to Spencer. Normally he would volunteer to stay and help Morgan, he found it interesting how he worked. But now he was drawn to the Detective.

"I should get back to." He said looking to her. "I should tell Hotch about the scene."

"You can catch a ride with me then, Dr Reid." She smiled and seemed almost thankful to him for the company.

Driving through New York was like wading through treacle. It was dark now, Spencer glanced at the illuminated clock in the car. 7:30pm.

"Did you need to get back to your hotel?" Detective Lewis asked, obviously noticing his glance.

"Oh, no." Spencer replied. Unsure of what to say now he was thankful when she did the talking.

"Well if you're not in a rush, do you mind if we stop for a bite?" She asked. "I forgot to eat during all the fuss of today." Spencer gave a small smile in response and she returned the gesture. Pulling over to the right she parked up next to a small restaurant. It looked inviting from the outside, a warm yellow glow came from inside and the smell of fresh food flowed all the way to the car.

The restaurant was called Hearth's Place and Spencer wouldn't exactly have called it a restaurant. It was small, only around 15 tables set out though only about 4 were filled. They got a table quickly and it became apparent that Detective Lewis was a regular here.

"Hard day again, Lauren?" A rather rotund older woman asked. She almost gawked at Spencer when she noticed him. "I didn't know you'd be having company." The woman wiped down her hands on her apron and smiled. Her yellowed teeth were slightly off-putting but Spencer tried his best not to grimace.

"This is Dr Spencer Reid." Detective Lewis introduced. "This is Liliana, she owns the restaurant."

"Hello." Spencer said looking to the young Detective instead, the old woman's gaze made him nervous. Detective Lewis was much more pleasant to gaze at anyway. Liliana moved away quickly to the kitchen, and he could hear all the way from where he sat how 'Lauren had finally brought a young man in.' Detective Lewis was obviously mortified; her cheeks blushed and she laughed nervously. Spencer didn't know how to react so remained silent, as he did in most uncomfortable situations.

"Don't worry, she doesn't cook the food, just takes the orders." She smiled at him broadly and some of the sparkle brightened her eyes once again. It was almost hypnotising. "So what would you like?" She asked looking down to the dog eared menu. "It's all home cooked, and I'm paying." Again she smiled and again he had a hard time to look away. But he glanced down. The selection did sound appetising.

After ordering there was a slightly awkward silence and for once Spencer decided to speak first. Normally he wouldn't dare but his extreme tension in social situations wasn't present when with her.

"So how do you know Hotch, Detective Lewis?" He had hardly been able to contain the question since they had first met.

"Please, call me Lauren." She said smiling. "Detective Lewis makes me sound…old." She laughed softly and Spencer couldn't help but smile in response. "But to answer your question he is my Godfather." That was not what Spencer was expecting. She leaned on the table and he moved forwards slightly as if she was drawing him. "Whilst in America studying my mother met someone." She began explaining. "He was a one night stand and when my mother found out she was pregnant she didn't know what to do. So she turned to her closest friend for adice and support. That was Hotch. I was born in England when my mother returned there. But I came to America on and off on long visits. During those visits I stayed with Hotch. He practically helped raise me." Before Spencer had time to process the amazing information laid before him a plate of steaming mushroom risotto was placed under his nose.

"Here you are kids, enjoy it." Liliana said, nudging Lauren as she passed. She shook her head in embarrassment before digging into her own food.

"So is it my turn to ask a question?" Lauren asked half way through the meal. Spencer looked to her.

"If you wish."

"Ok," She said before pausing as if to think of a question. "How smart are you exactly?"

"I have an IQ of 187." His answer was quick, and rehearsed. He had said it many times before.

"Pretty smart then." She replied and smiled. "So how come you're the only one without Agent in front of their name?" Spencer furrowed his brow in confusion at the question. "Well, Hotch is Agent Hotchner and Morgan is Agent Morgan etcetera." She continued. "But you're the only one introduced as doctor. Do you prefer it that way?"

"Oh I see." He said now understanding the question. "No, Hotch thinks it might put people off making comments about my age."

"'Cause you're so young and all?"

"Yes, I guess so." Spencer replied. His age was always a topic of conversation and he had slowly grown accustomed to it. But he didn't understand why people couldn't comprehend that someone of his age could have the accomplishments he did.

"Well, if I had as many doctorates as you, and a brain like yours I would want to flash it around to." She commented.

"But you're also young and you're a Detective." Spencer said. It was odd to find himself with someone in a situation like his.

"Ah yes. Well that's only 'cause Hotch thought I'd have a knack for this crime fighting stuff and I believed him so much I wouldn't let any bad guy defeat me." She smiled at Spencer and he stared back, it was hard not to. "But yeah, I just wouldn't stop so in the end I gained my achievements to become Detective quite quickly. The others don't really like it much, only 'cause I get to order them around now." A small laugh left her and Spencer smiled without realising. It was such a relief to him. To find himself being able to socialise with someone without the normal awkwardness or tension that he found usually was associated with it. People either avoided talking to him or didn't understand him. Though it did help that she did most of the talking.

* * *

The quick bite Lauren had hoped for turned out to last for more than three hours. Arriving at Spencer's hotel the clock read 11:20pm.

"Sorry about keeping you out so late." She said laughing softly. "You don't have a curfew do you?"

"No." Spencer replied seriously but he smiled back after a while seemingly realising it was a joke. "Thanks for the food."

"Thanks for the company." Lauren replied. She looked at him for a moment and he looked back. It was a strange feeling. She barely knew him but she felt really comfortable with him. After realising how weird that was she looked down at the steering wheel. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yep." He said simply before opening the door and getting out. He held it open for a while longer before shutting it and heading inside, glancing back only twice. Not that she was counting, of course.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_**Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever- Author Unknown**_

Morning in New York. It was reassuring to Lauren. Every morning as she drove she watched the flurry of people going to work and the shops opening for business. This proved to Lauren that even with a killer on the loose, everyone could still get on with their lives as normal. As she pulled up in the parking lot she was greeted by a familiar voice.

"Lauren." She turned to see Hotch jogging towards her.

"Hey Hotch." She replied dropping her keys into her purse. "What's up?" He put a hand on her arm and she looked up to - at him worriedly. "Are you ok?" Her eyed widened as he suddenly engulfed her in a hug.

"I've missed you." He said. She almost laughed, he was always so serious. Even his affectionate gestures were stern.

"I've missed you too, Hotch." She replied and he let her go slowly, looking over her.

"You've grown so much."

"It's been like two years, I don't think I could have changed that much." She laughed. His lip twitched and she supposed that was the best of a smile she would get.

"I remember when you were just a girl with pigtails bribing the boys into eating mudpies."

"Who says I've stopped?" Hotch shook his head at her joke. "How have you been?" She asked seriously after a moment. She knew what had happened, with his wife, with everything and had avoided talking about it.

"I'm fine." Something about the tone of his voice made Lauren not trust his answer. But she left it, knowing better than to push a subject like that. "I'll be better when this is over so I can get home."

"Yeah, I think we all feel that way." Lauren said walking beside Hotch as they headed inside.

"The team were already assembled in Lauren's office though her attention was drawn first to Spencer. He glanced her way and a small smile graced her lips before averting her gaze.

"Hotch," Morgan said as soon as he entered the room. "You might wanna see this." Hotch moved towards the laptop on the table. On the screen were photos of the victims.

"Oh my…" Lauren could barely believe it. It wasn't the Polaroid pictures the killer had taken. These looked almost professional.

"Rare Beauty Photos." Hotch repeated as he read the title of the website.

"After yesterday, I did some research and asked Garcia to look up what photographer the victims used on their wedding day." Morgan explained. "They all came up with one person. Tina Mayson. But it's a false name. There's no trace of anyone by that name. Only this." He gestured to the website again. It was strange to look at; the women in the photos looked almost alive, like real models.

"What's wrong with some people?" Emily asked frustratedly.

"She most likely can't help it." Spencer added suddenly. "She probably has a compulsion. Something in her mind clicks when she meets these women, something about the way they look sets off a reaction and she needs to _'collect'_ them as it were."

"So how can we find her?" Rossi asked. "If she uses a false name, we need a way to get around it."

"We could contact her? The victims must have found a way to meet her?" Morgan suggested.

"Undercover?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know, undercover is always very risky." Lauren said quickly, she had seen many undercover operations go horribly wrong and if one of their team got hurt she would feel responsible, just the thought made her stomach turn.

"It could be a good way to get to her; at least we could see if she is really a suspect or just a coincidence." Morgan added.

"How could it not be her?" Lauren said, it was more of a statement than a question.

"I think this is the best way to go, Lauren." Hotch said, trying to reason with her. She frowned but sighed in defeat.

"Fine, but I must be involved." She said adamantly.

"No!" Hotch's tone was strong, like a father telling his daughter she was grounded and Lauren could see that even the rest of the team were surprised by his outright refusal.

"I don't want your team directly involved." She argued.

"It's our job, it's what we do." He replied, as if stating the obvious.

"And what do you think my job is?" Lauren asked, folding her arms across her chest. Swallowing hard, Hotch took her arm gently and led her to one corner.

"You know how dangerous it could be, what if the worst happened?" He whispered looking down at her seriously. "How would your mother cope?...How would I cope?" His face showed his concern for her, no stiff upper lip or tough frown, just overwhelming worry for her. Lauren sighed, her heart feeling heavy in her chest.

"I put myself in danger everyday doing what I do. I will protect your team but if it will make you feel better I can have one of them with me? They could be a wedding planner or my fiancé? Just don't take me off this, Hotch. Please." Lauren pleaded. Hotch's gaze dropped and she knew she had won.

"Fine, but you _will_ take one of us with you." He said sharply and moved back to the centre of the room.

"Lauren will be the bait in this operation."

* * *

Spencer was not sure of this. He didn't like undercover operations either, there were too many factors you couldn't control. As Hotch and the rest of the team came together to work out the specifics Lauren moved away, heading to Sergeant Fortrye's office, Spencer couldn't help but follow her.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" He asked louder than he had meant too, she jumped slightly and turned to face him.

"No it's not. I hate undercover." Lauren's voice was serious. "But I trust Hotch and if this is the only way..."

"Maybe Agent Prentiss would be a better person for the operation." Spencer added. He didn't really know why he was protesting so hard at her being involved, but something inside him was telling him that this was not a good idea. A hunch Morgan would call it.

"I don't want your team at risk, not after asking you here." Again she was serious, but then suddenly, she smiled. "I told you I'd protect you, Dr Reid." She put her hand on his arm reassuringly, it was warm but he was rarely touched like that and it was an odd sensation. Lauren walked away and Spencer watched her go, his fingers touching where her hand had been, hoping the feeling would linger just a while longer.

Walking back into the office, it seemed the team had finalised the plans for the undercover operation.

"Keep a close eye on her at all times." Hotch ordered sternly his gaze never leaving Morgan's.

"I know, Hotch." Morgan replied earnestly, reassuring Hotch that he wouldn't let anything happen to Lauren.

"Then it's settled. Detective Lewis and Morgan will portray an engaged couple looking to hire a photographer." Rossi said giving details of the final plan.

"Why does Morgan need to be there?" Spencer blurted before he could stop himself. The thought of Morgan playing her fiancé made his stomach tighten, though he knew it was a good idea to have someone with Lauren for protection. He wished it could be him.

"We need him to play Lauren's fiancé, not only to complete the image of an engaged couple seeking a photographer for a wedding, but also extra protection for her if anything…" Hotch trailed. "Should go wrong."

Knowing the history between Hotch and Lauren, Spencer understood why Hotch had had difficulty getting out his words: his obvious love for Lauren and his protective nature towards her, it was apparent he viewed her almost as his own daughter.

"The Sergeant agreed for this to go ahead." Lauren's voice sounded from behind Spencer and they all turned to look at her.

"Good." Hotch said simply. "It's been decided, Morgan will act as your fiancé."

"Easiest job I ever had"? Morgan smiled jokingly at Lauren and she rolled her eyes, smiling back. Spencer instantly felt his shoulders knot with tension. His expression must've betrayed him because JJ looked over at him with a soft smile.

"It's alright, Spence, I'm sure they'll be fine." JJ tried to sound soothing. Though it wasn't the thought of the upcoming danger that had made him tense.

"I'll call Garcia and see if she can't find a number for this Tina Mayson. Maybe there'll be something dotted on the internet." Morgan said flipping open his cell phone.

"And there are a bunch of that I have to fill in before we can do this." Lauren said in an exhausted tone before turning to leave. Spencer watched her leave, his stomach twisting painfully. A confused expression furrowed his brow, he couldn't understand how he could feel so much concern for this woman when he barely knew her. Consciously not wanting to dive too deep into the reasons behind these new feelings, he put it down to being generally concerned for the people involved. Though deep down he knew why.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_**'If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill.' ~Danish Proverb**_

The next day had spun round too quickly for Lauren's liking. She had concentrated her efforts on finding more about the wedding hotspots: who had booked them, if they knew Tina Mayson etc. But she hadn't come up with much that they didn't already know. It was depressing. Lauren ran her slender fingers through her hair, which she had let down to try and relieve some of the pressure from the head ache she was trying to ignore.

"I haven't come up with much either." Morgan said from her left. She glanced at him and smiled weakly. "But the unsub _will _slip up." His tone was reassuring and Lauren desperately wanted to believe him. "Tell you what," He suddenly said, rising from his slumped position. "I haven't seen much of New York, how 'bout showing me a proper New York night out?" Morgan smiled. She knew she should probably stay and work on the case, but the sun was already setting and a break sounded too good to pass up. Lauren nodded.

"There's a good bar not too far from here." Lauren commented, retrieving her purse, instantly feeling the pressure in her head lessen at the though of a break.

"Hey guys," Morgan shouted. "We're going out, anyone wanna join us? First round's on Lauren."

"What?" Lauren spluttered, Morgan nudged her jokingly, throwing her a brilliant smile and she grinned at him. She saw most of the team look to Hotch who waved his hand as if to give them permission, and with that the team, with exception of Rossi and Hotch were hurtling out the door, excited at (with) the prospect of alcohol and freedom.

'Togou Haunt' the illuminated lights of the bar Lauren had picked revealed and shone brightly over the shadowed side street. The bar was already becoming crowded with the evening's patrons. Large groups stood huddled together, chattering as loud as they could over the music blasting from the small speakers dotted about the room. Lauren always liked this place, it had a sepia kind of tone to it and felt cosy.

The room was small, with a bar lining the back wall but everyone did their best to cram in as much as possible. It was another regular hang out of hers, usually after a hard case. Morgan was quick to find the bar, ordering everyone a drink. Everybody instantly seemed more relaxed, smiles hitting their faces as they entered. The only one who looked slightly out of place was Spencer.

"This is supposed to be fun." Lauren shouted, tapping him on the arm to gain his attention. He looked down at her, frowning.

"It is." He replied. Though he was obviously quite tense, clutching the strap of the satchel he carried, she gave a small laugh at him and his frown disappeared.

"Relax, you might actually enjoy yourself." Lauren knew she was going to have a bad throat in the morning with having to shout at everyone just to be heard. But the case had almost completely been forgotten and her headache had all but disappeared.

Lauren hadn't had so much fun in…well, she couldn't remember. Everyone on the team was great. In a relaxed atmosphere they all showed their true natures and each was as interesting as the next.

"That's not true!" JJ shouted at Morgan as he retold one of the many tales the team had of their time together. Lauren smiled widely and secretly wished she had people as close to her as they were to each other. After emigrating from England she had had little time to socialise, and the officers at the precinct disliked her for travelling up the hierarchy so quickly. But the BAU team were like family to each other, even Lauren could see that.

"What's wrong?" Morgan said, leaning towards her, speaking softly into her ear. It was easier to hear him that way but his breath travelled down her neck making her shiver involuntarily.

"Nothing." She responded with a smile. "You're just all so close. It's really nice to see." Morgan smiled at her words and settled his hand on the back of her stool, his arm almost around her, making it easier for him to lean closer.

"You don't go out with the people at your place?" He asked.

"Not really, we don't…get on so well." She admitted with a small laugh.

"I can't see why not." He said with a smile. "Who couldn't get along with someone like you?" The compliment was unexpected and Lauren blushed, lowering her gaze a little.

* * *

Spencer sipped at his drink and stared at Morgan's arm. He hadn't ordered his isial drink and the liquidhe had now had a bitter taste but Spencer did his best to keep it down without grimacing. It wasn't so loud that Morgan needed to be _that _close to Lauren Spencer judged.

"…Spence?" The sound of someone calling his name brought his gaze up from the pair and towards JJ. He tensed as JJ glanced at where his eyes had just been set. JJ looked up at him and he knew she knew, it was embarrassing and he was thankful when the knowing look was interrupted.

"Here's to the hopefully successful undercover operation." Morgan said raising his glass in the air towards the rest of them. "And to Lauren's help. We couldn't have got this far without her."

Spencer noticed at how Morgan glanced to Lauren for just a few moments longer than was necessary and he frowned but put his glass up with the rest of his team to finish the toast.

The chatting continued between the team, getting louder and more energetic with every drink and Spencer would have normally done his best to join in but his attention was distracted. Morgan and Lauren had been talking for the entire time they had been in the bar. He thought it was a bit selfish of Morgan to hold her attention for so long, surely there were others who wanted to speak to her too?

"You know Morgan, Spence." JJ suddenly said to Spencer above the raucous. "He can't help himself, it's just the way he is, he doesn't mean anything by it." She smiled. "And she can handle it." Spencer glanced from Lauren and Morgan to JJ.

"I know. It's good they're getting on so well." He said, trying to convince himself of it and sipped more of his drink to hide his dishonesty. She gave him a sympathetic look before she was drawn away by Emily.

Envy was a feeling Spencer felt rarely for others. He did his best not to want what others had but to be thankful for what he already possessed. Jealousy was an even more alien to him and it was alarming how the young Detective could provoke such strong emotions from him. He looked over to Morgan who had leant close to Lauren and her face lit up as she talked to him, Spencer knew he wanted to be the one doing that. He wanted to be the one making her laugh, to make her smile. But charm wasn't one of Spencer's most prominent qualities, yet an overwhelming urge to at least try made his feet move. Doing his best to muster all the courage that existed within him, he cleared his throat.

"So Lauren," He said loudly and almost hoped she wouldn't hear, unsure now of his plan. But she did hear and swung around on her seat to face him, a wide smile still enhanced her features and made her eyes sparkle, even in the dull light almost making him forget what he had planned to say. "Uh, so have you been in New York long from England?" He didn't know if the question made sense as he had barely had time to string the words together they had stuttered out so fast.

"About two years." Lauren replied, pouting her lips slightly whilst trying to remember. Spencer tried his best not to look at her lips, but he found it incredibly difficult to tear his eyes away, yet her voice pulled his attention back to her eyes. "I told my mother I was moving to New York almost two years ago, yes. America had always been a large part of my childhood, and I loved the idea of living here." She admitted. "I think I romanticised it a little too much though, it's no where near as crime free as I had expected." Her face fell a little at her words.

"Are you making her upset, Reid?" Morgan interrupted. "You've only been talking two minutes." Morgan smiled at Lauren again and rested his hand on hers utop the table. Spencer furrowed his brow at his friend's action.

"He was asking me about my move to America." Lauren voiced, her gaze fluttering between the two men.

"You don't want to focus on the past!" Morgan said, his words slightly slurred. "The future is what it's all about, right Reid?" Morgan asked, giving him a light punch on the arm. Spencer flinched at the movement.

"Actually the past can prove very definitive in our lives. If you dismiss it completely you are not—"

"Always with the facts, Reid." Morgan rolled his eyes, good naturedly. "Another round?" He asked loudly, gesturing at the empty glasses adorning the table top. His question was greeted by a collection of agreements from the team.

As Morgan left, Spencer looked at Lauren who was already gazing at him with unfocussed eyes.

"I like your facts." She said matter-of-factly. Spencer smiled widely and sat up a little straighter. "I think it's amazing how close your team is." She said, leaning forwards and placing a hand on Spencer's knees to balance herself. He tensed a little at her sudden touch and stuttered as she came closer.

"We, uh, we…We've all been working together for a while now." He said finally getting his words out, her company now making him relax. Though, being this close he could smell the alcohol lining her breath. "And with the cases we've gone through, I guess it makes sense we'd all be so close." He smiled at her. Lauren stared at him, her close inspection of him made his fingers tangle together in nervousness.

"You're really…" Lauren started, then paused, obviously searching for the correct word in her head ".. attractive, Dr Reid." She said slowly as if trying to think of how to word her sentence. Spencer's eyes widened. But he had no time to respond as Morgan's return was announced.

"Drinks!" He shouted, placing a number of different shaped glasses on the table with a variety of bright coloured liquids inside.

"Ugh." Lauren said and Spencer turned to her. "It's too much for me." She said, standing. She wobbled and fell into Morgan who caught her easily. Spencer stood, worried for her.

"Time for you to head home, young lady." Morgan commanded and put an arm round her waist to steady her. Spencer did his best not to stare daggers at Morgan but had a hard time not to. "I'm going to see her home." He announced loudly, and the team nodded in acknowledgment.

"I can do that; you can stay if you want?" Spencer said quickly, moving towards Lauren's slightly limp figure. "I got it, Reid." He said simply. "Come on you." Morgan looked at Lauren and started to lead her outside.

Spencer slumped back down onto his seat and watched the pair leave, his long fingers clenched at the edges of his shirt in blatant frustration.

"Come on, Spence." JJ said, trying to draw his attention. But he couldn't stop watching until Morgan and Lauren had climbed inside a cab and were completely out of sight. His thoughts quickly turned to what would happen between the pair once they got back to Lauren's apartment. Once the images had been placed in his head he couldn't get rid of them and he felt his stomach turn. He shook his head to try and expel them. A sweet smelling drink was suddenly wafted under his nose. "It will help." JJ said, smiling sympathetically. But Spencer was more than happy to try anything that could blur his mind of those thoughts. He picked up the glass and downed the drink in one, letting the amber liquid burn the back of his throat and provoking a shocked expression on JJ's and Emily's faces.

"Another?" He asked.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

_**'First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.' ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald **_

"Morning, Lauren." Hotch's voice boomed inside Lauren's head making it pound even harder. She placed her hand over her eyes, shielding them from the piercing morning light.

"Not so loud, Hotch." She replied, sitting down in a chair, slumping forwards with a groan.

"Busy night?" He asked with a concealed smirk. "You know drinking too much can be very dangerous. And your condition won't help at all with the case." He chided.

"Please," Lauren said, waving a hand at him dismissively. "Spare me the lecture."

"Ah, to be young again." Rossi said breezily as he entered, noticing Lauren's hung over state. "I guess it was a successful night then?" Lauren nodded gently. She could hear him chuckle but ignored it as Hotch placed a cup of water in front of her.

"Thanks." She mumbled and sipped the cold, clear liquid. It was refreshing to her system, almost jolting her awake. "Am I the only one in so far?" She asked, glancing around the all but empty room.

"Judging from your condition, I don't expect the rest of them feel like an early morning." Rossi said, sitting opposite Lauren and opening a file. But his words were followed by footsteps.

"Morning." Spencer's voice rang clearly. Lauren turned to him.

"You're not…" She trailed.

"Hung over?" He finished. "No." He answered and sat down two seats away from her.

There was a sudden heavy silence in the room before Spencer filled it.

"Where's Morgan?" He asked as though he could no longer contain the question. "Didn't he go home with you?"

"He what?" Hotch questioned loudly, letting the file he held slam onto the desk. The noise vibrated in Lauren's head and the pounding returned.

"No, no." Lauren said squinting, trying to calm Hotch. "He took me home but then got a taxi back to the hotel." She glanced up at Spencer, his expression more relaxed than it had been. She hazarded a guess as to the reason for his relief and smiled. He was sweet.

"Did he try anything?" Hotch asked quietly, retrieving the file he had let go. Lauren stared at him disbelievingly.

"No!" She returned sharply. "Really, did you just ask that?" She said, embarrassment making her cheeks redden.

"Morning everyone." Morgan's cheerful greeting was met by a somewhat icy glare from Hotch.

"Hello." Lauren said quietly. Morgan kept his gaze away from Hotch and shrugged confusingly at Lauren. She rolled her eyes and Morgan thankfully took this as a sign not to ask.

Emily and JJ followed not long after Morgan had entered. Once the team were assembled they once again began on their tasks. Lauren's head was slowly returning to normal, but Morgan's high pitched ring on his cell phone felt like it sent a spike of pain through her brain.

"Hey, Garcia. Any news?" He asked, answering it calmly. "Seriously?" He asked, sitting forwards from his casual position. Lauren looked up to him, trying to follow as much of the one sided conversation as she could hear. "That's great, thanks baby girl." He smiled and hung up. Lauren couldn't help but wonder if he flirted with everyone so outrageously. Without permission, images of the previous night's flirting flashed across her mind which answered her question. "Garcia has found about five different cell numbers for Tina Mayson. But all are on untraceable cell phones."

"How did she find so many?" Emily asked, confused.

"She has advertised on a couple of wedding forums." Morgan answered. "If we could get hold of her on one of the numbers, we could set up a meeting."

"Couldn't we just bring her in?" Lauren asked. "It would be much easier just to interrogate her wouldn't it?" She reasoned.

"With this kind of unsub, it may be easier to do the undercover as planned." Rossi said. "We can judge her reactions whilst talking to you. It will give us an idea if she really is our murderer."

Lauren sighed. "Ok." She agreed reluctantly.

"Morgan, see if you can make contact with her. Book an appointment for tomorrow if possible." Hotch ordered. "I don't want Lauren to be in contact with her until it's completely necessary." Morgan nodded and headed out of the room. "JJ, try and see what the media have on the case. I don't want it to be too big a spectacle, it will just add to the unsub's delusion. Emily, see if you can't set up a link between the NYPD's system and Garcia's. She might have more to work from with their database in finding Tina Mayson's real identity." Lauren watched as Hotch continued giving commands. He was very capable, and she could easily see him becoming head of the FBI someday.

"You're very lucky." Spencer said and Lauren glanced to him with a dumbstruck expression. "To have Hotch looking over you." He explained. She smiled and looked at Hotch again. It was then she realised how thankful she really should be for his protective gaze. He was the closest thing she had to a father and that brought some comfort to Lauren.

"I am lucky." She said. "But if we don't do as he asks, I don't want to be the one being reprimanded by him." She gave a smile.

* * *

Spencer watched as Lauren stood and smiled at him. She was right though, Hotch's discipline methods were not something Spencer wanted to become too familiar with. He stood up and both he and Lauren headed out of the office. As Hotch had tasked them with finding Lauren and Morgan an identity to use, they headed towards and unused office, which happened to be Sergeant Fortrye's. Lauren wafted in and gingerly sat down at his desk, Spencer was a little more hesitant to just wander in to an authoritative figure's room without permission.

"He's not on duty today." Lauren said with a soft laugh, obviously noticing Spencer's nerves. He relaxed at her words and went to stand behind her as she looked at the computer. The machine was extremely old and outdated, it even had a floppy disk drive. He half expected to be able to hear clogs clonking inside to get the thing working.

"You shouldn't need a full identity with background if it's just a casual appointment." Spencer said.

"No, luckily." Lauren said in relief. "But we still have to fill out these forms." Lauren typed fast and the words on screen blurred as they tried to catch up to her speed. "They will tell the authorities of our plans, and of the names we will be using. It's for future reference if things should go wrong, or if we manage to catch the killer and take her to trial."

"We _will_ catch her." Spencer said. Lauren glanced up at him with a smile that made him think she didn't believe him.

"I don't understand how she could not have any records." Lauren said as she turned back to face the monitor. "Even people using false names can usually be found quite quickly. But this woman…" Lauren trailed and stopped typing. "It's like she doesn't exist." Lauren turned to Spencer. "How can we catch someone who doesn't exist?" She looked sad, her brown eyes wide with doubt

"Everyone leaves a trail." He began. "We just have to find the right path." He was grateful to see his words gave Lauren some comfort as the smile that graced her lips reached her eyes.

"Now then, what names shall we have?"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

**"**_**The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." **~Napoleon Bonaparte_

"Are we ready to do this then?" Morgan asked as he finished clipping the wire to the inside of his shirt. Hotch looked at Lauren, only his eyebrows twitching to show how worried he was. She gave a small smile back.

"I'm ready." She replied.

Morgan had been able to get hold of the suspect, Tina Mayson, surprisingly quickly and had arranged the meeting as Hotch had said. Lauren had gotten little sleep last night, her only comfort were Spencer's words repeating in her mind. _'We will catch her.'_ She remembered how confident he had sounded, it gave Lauren a new surge of hope.

Lauren looked over the chosen meeting spot. Across the road was a grey building with a bright sign reading, 'Banchet Flowers'.

"Good location." Lauren commented to Morgan, recognising the place from the top ten wedding hotspot list. Lauren brushed her hands over the dress she had on, pulling on the hem. It was shorter than she would of worn normally, cutting off at a little above the knee. It was beautiful, she couldn't deny it: white cotton lining with a white lace overlay and chiffon sleeves. Her hair had also been immaculately styled, straightened to perfection so it fell over her shoulders with the feeling of silk. She just hoped all the effort that had gone into making her 'beauty' further defined, would work. Lauren was hoping that if this really was the unsub, her attentions would be drawn to herself, saving anyone else from her killing gaze.

"You ok?" Morgan asked, placing his large, warm hand on her shoulder. She smiled and nodded. "Good." He said with a returned smile. "We're ready to go." Morgan exclaimed. There was a collective intake of nervous breath and the rest of the team bustled into the unmarked van they were going to use to monitor the meet. All except Hotch.

"Remember, try to keep her gaze. And smile. Make sure you're calm. You're supposed to be a couple in love." He said, though his glare to Morgan affirmed it was just role-play. "And if anything feels wrong…" He said.

"I know." Lauren assured him, clasping his hand in hers. "It will be fine." Hotch ran his hand over her hair and let it cup her face before marching back to the van. Lauren glanced to Morgan who looked very confused about Hotch's uncharacteristic actions. "It's a long story." Lauren said simply before she began moving towards the flower shop, readying herself for what was to come.

They didn't have long to relax before a voice wafted through the still, humid air.

"Miss Redland?" The voice asked. Wendy Redland was the name Spencer and her had decided upon, but she almost didn't recognise it as it was spoken. Slowly turning, Lauren's gaze fell on a rather tall, broad woman who would be the last person you would suspect as a murderer. Her hair was chocolate brown and styled into an intricate weave, her clothing consisted of a simple pair of jeans and a red tee shirt. Her face conveyed a mothering feel with delicate green eyes and a warm broad smile.

"Hi," Morgan said putting out his hand politely to shake hers. "You must be Tina Mayson."

"Yes, yes, I am." She said, shaking Morgan's hand but not removing her gaze from Lauren, who did her best to smile relaxingly.

"We've been looking forward to meeting you." Morgan said, taking Lauren's hand in his and squeezing it reassuringly. Again, the woman's gaze was fixated on Lauren who finally spoke.

"We really hope you will be available for our wedding." She commented, looking up to Morgan as lovingly as she could, leaning into him.

"I most certainly will be." Tina replied with a large smile "And what a great location!" She said excitedly as she noticed the surroundings.

"I was just saying that to my fiancé." Lauren added with a small, soft laugh. She was rarely allowed to do undercover operations, mostly due to her young age, but Lauren couldn't help but feel that this one was going well. There was a small silence in which Tina Mayson's gaze turned from mothering to unsettling. She gave a smile to Lauren who had to fight the urge to step further back from her.

Spencer sat motionless in the van, staring at the monitors. His heart was racing faster than he thought it ever could and it was so loud in his head, he almost didn't hear Rossi as he spoke.

"She certainly looks strong enough to have manoeuvred the victims."

"Yes, and her focus is solely on Lauren, she seems annoyed at Morgan's presence more than anything." Hotch added and Spencer noted the protective tone in his voice. Silence once again over took the van as they all watched intently.

"It's a shame they're not really getting married." Emily commented lightly, disturbing the silence.

"What?" Spencer and Hotch blurted at the same time.

"They make quite a nice couple." She explained guiltily at the negative reaction her comment had caused.

"Yes, well it's only undercover, Prentiss. He's there for protection." Hotch said sternly, putting an end to that conversation. Emily glanced at Spencer and rolled her eyes jokingly. Yet the way Hotch had said his last sentence made Spencer think he wouldn't let Morgan get any where near Lauren.

"You will take a wonderful picture, Wendy." Tina Mayson's voice echoed eerily around the van. The microphones they had used on Morgan and Lauren had been high tech, allowing every tone and pitch to sound out and be captured clearly. "And with that accent, you will be like the perfect English Rose." Those few words made every nerve in Spencer's body tense up. The comment had clearly affected Lauren as well, as he watched her on the monitor, she took a step back into Morgan's side.

"Stay calm, Lauren." Hotch said quietly.

"She really will won't she?" Morgan said, and his arm snaked around her waist gently, pulling her even closer. Hotch seemed a little relieved for Morgan's protective action but it made Spencer shift uncomfortably in his seat. Was it completely necessary to have her so pressed against him?

"Look." Emily said pointing to the monitor. The team leaned in and Spencer looked on as Tina Mayson's expression took on one of menace, her eyes glancing from Morgan's arm to his face. "She really didn't like that." Emily said referring to Morgan's movement.

"She's obviously not a fan of men." Rossi said.

"Or public displays of affection." Emily added.

"Morgan," Hotch said as he pressed the button that would allow Morgan to hear them. "Act more loving around Lauren, hug her etcetera." He ordered hesitantly and let go of the button.

"Is that necessary?" Spencer asked, turning to Hotch. "We've already established her dislike of men." He justified. He didn't know how much more he could take; watching Morgan throw himself over Lauren made it feel like his blood was boiling beneath his skin.

"We need to see more of her reactions, establish if it's just affectionate actions she dislikes or men in general." Rossi said, Hotch nodded in agreement. Resolved to know he now had to watch, Spencer turned with a frown back to the monitors.

"We're so excited about the wedding." Morgan said, his arms suddenly pulling Lauren into a hug. She seemed surprised by the action but quickly caught on to what was happening and put her hands on Morgan's shoulders, looking up at him with her big, brown doe eyes. Spencer wanted to look away, but it was necessary, it was their job. But why couldn't it be his job to hold her like that? The now familiar pang of jealously once again pierced his chest.

"She's definitely adverse to their affection towards one another." Hotch said.

"Yes, well shall we get down to business?" Tina Mayson's voice said sternly. "I can't exactly plan photos of Miss Redland with you draped across her." Her words were stiff to Morgan, but Spencer was thankful for them as Morgan and Lauren reluctantly disentangled themselves from each other's embrace.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

**_"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."  
Tommy Lasorda_**

"That went well." Morgan commented as they made their way back to the van. The team were quick to jump out and walk towards them. Tina Mayson had left minutes ago, after a steady conversation about dates and times where she hadn't once directed a question or answer to Morgan.

"That was good." Hotch said to the pair and Lauren guessed this was the only kind of praise they would receive. "Is something wrong?" He asked Lauren. She shrugged as she looked down at the business card she had been given by Tina. It was obvious that she had scratched off another business name from the card and written hers on top of it.

"Look at this." She said, handing the card over to Hotch, he stared down at it, obviously noticing what she had.

"Guys," Emily said suddenly. "Look at the design." Lauren peered over the card, she hadn't taken much notice of the pattern surrounding the words. "It's a hibiscus flower." Lauren scolded herself for missing such an obvious detail.

"Let's get this back. We might be able to pull the business name that was previously on the card." Hotch said, turning and heading towards a black SUV.

Lauren let out a long breath, trying to relax her tensed muscles and regain herself wits after the experience. It had been disturbing to spend such a long amount of time with someone who could be a potential killer without arresting them.

"It's common for officers to feel even more tense after the operation is over, than when it is occurring." Spencer said. It was soothing to hear his voice and she turned to him. "It's probably because the mind hasn't got time or is not clear enough to process the situation at the time, so replays it after it is over." He smiled.

"Is that your way of asking if I'm ok?" Lauren asked teasingly. Spencer gave her a lopsided smile and looked at the ground. "I'm just happy as long as we catch her."

"I can see why she'd want you as one of her models though." Spencer said, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "You look very nice in that." He said, gesturing to the dress.

"You think I'm a target for her?" Lauren asked making Spencer's eyed widen.

"No, I, uh…" He stuttered. Lauren laughed.

"I'm only joking." She said and he gave a nervous smile at her words. "But thanks," She continued. "For the compliment." She was joking to an extent, but she did have the nagging feeling that Tina's focus may now be on her. But that's what they had the false name for, Tina Mayson shouldn't be able to find her as long as her cover stuck.

"I'm heading back." Morgan called to Lauren. "Wanna ride?" He asked. Lauren glanced between Morgan and Spencer.

"No, it's ok." She said. "I'm going to give Spencer a lift." Morgan shrugged at her response and followed JJ and Emily to one of the parked cars.

"I could drive." Spencer said.

"Not with what I heard from Morgan you're not." With another teasing smile they headed to the last car and jumped inside.

* * *

The drive back to the office was hot.

All of the windows in the car were open wide yet there was no breeze. Being stuck in traffic didn't help, Spencer looked over to Lauren. She lifted her long hair from her neck and tried fanning cool air onto herself with her other hand. Her neck and chest were still pale even in the heat of the sun, Spencer felt the heat rise a few degrees more and looked away sheepishly.

"Summers in England were never like this." Lauren commented suddenly, Spencer looked back to her.

"Usually weather is more consistent to seasons in America than in England." He explained.

"Do you know something about everything?" She asked, seeming genuinely interested rather than mocking. She held his gaze and he almost forgot the question.

"I, uh," He stumbled. "Not everything." He finally managed to say. "Though I think most people assume I know everything." He hadn't meant to sound so upset about his last statement. But she caught onto it straight away.

"You don't like that people assume things about your intelligence?" She asked, turning her body towards him.

"It's not that." Spencer said, feeling inclined to share it with her. "I don't want to disappoint them. Like if I don't know something about what they want to know." He'd never felt he could be so open with someone before; it was strange, now he had begun to share what he felt, he couldn't stop. "My intelligence is me. It's what people define me by. If theirs a fault in it…" He paused. "Maybe there's a fault in me." Lauren's gaze was soothing; she was really listening to him, and he liked having her undivided attention.

"Everyone has faults, Spencer." She said eventually. "Though I'm sure you have a lot less than the rest of us." She smiled broadly at him. "You shouldn't feel like only one thing defines you. You have a variety of things that make up who you are. Why do you think people fall in love?"

"Love?" He almost choked out, catching that one word more than any other.

"Yeah," she continued. "Think of the victims, they were just married. But our first victim, Karen Shiner, she had a bad case of OCD." Lauren continued. "Do you think if her husband defined her by that he would have married her?"

"I guess not." Spencer replied. What she'd said made sense. "How did you know that about the victim?" Spencer asked. He hadn't remembered seeing it in the case file.

"I did some research into all the victims. I always do." She admitted, jolting the car into life as they moved only a foot before stopping in the cage of traffic once again. "I don't think the victims should just be victims. They're people and that's how they should be treated." Spencer was moved by her words, he couldn't help but admire the young Detective for her forth rightness and honesty. But also her emotional involvement in her cases, even though it must be exhausting. "But really Spencer, if we all had only one thing that made up who we are, we would be so bland; no one would ever fall in love or make friends. It's the quirks people have, or the small things people don't realise they do that make up who they are and attract people to them." Her words had understanding behind them, and Spencer was inclined to believe her. "You're not only very clever, Spencer. You're also kind and understanding, and have the patience of a saint. And your actions stammer when you're nervous." She smiled widely at him and a small, soft laugh escaped her lips. "It's those things the people around you define you by. Why do you think your team gets on so well?"

"I guess you're right." Spencer replied looking to the traffic ahead. He was unsure of how toreact to the knowledge she knew so much about him. Had she been that much attention to him? Or was she just particularly perceptive? He knew which idea he preferred.

"You guess?" Lauren said accusingly, he turned to her and smiled a teasing smile at him and he smiled widely in return. He still wasn't used to her sense of humour.

The rest of the journey was relatively quiet, the traffic moved slowly but at a constant rate. The cars in front wavered in the rising heat and the temperature was steadily creeping up, but Spencer's mind was working overtime, processing everything Lauren had said.

Spencer was quickly gaining great respect for the young Detective as well as a feeling of closeness he had never made with anyone so quickly. It was an unusual feeling and hard to pinpoint. He just knew it made his chest tight and he nearly always couldn't help but smile when around her or when he thought of her. She also made his thought process foggy, his thoughts were always clear and to the point, he was quick to come up with memories or answers but when Lauren was around…he just couldn't think properly when she was there.


	10. Chapter 10

****A/N: Hey everyone, just a quick note to say thank you to everyone who reviews my story! **

**It's so nice to hear what people think and I hope everyone is really enjoying the story!****

Chapter Ten

"_**In the beginning, people think vulnerability will make you weak, but it does the opposite. It shows you're strong enough to care."**__  
__**Victoria Pratt**_

"Finally." Lauren huffed as they pulled into the parking lot. "I bet everyone got here hours ago." Spencer followed her and got out, shutting the door behind him. As they walked she glanced up at him, he hadn't been what she was expecting. Hotch had told her about the clever Dr Reid and she'd assumed he would be arrogant and annoying as most smart people were, including Hotch at times. But Dr Reid was quite the opposite. A smile slyly turned her lips up at the corners but then quickly turned into a frown. What was she doing? Lauren did her best not to look at him again, but almost against her will she glanced at him occasionally, a small flutter in her stomach occurring every time she did.

Walking into the office the team were all of a buzz.

"You might want to see this, Lauren." Emily said, gesturing to the laptop as soon as she entered, Spencer and Lauren walked to the table together.

"Has there been another murder already?" Spencer asked, the team simply stayed silent. Looking at the screen, Lauren clenched her fists in anger. Another photo had been uploaded; this time of a victim with brunette hair, a hibiscus flower blooming from it.

"How can this have happened?" She fumed. "We were just with Tina Mayson!"

"It's likely meeting you flared her need for another piece to add to her collection." Rossi said. "Do we know where the victim is?" The team examined the photo carefully, but even Lauren couldn't tell and she knew New York like the back of her hand.

"Has anyone reported it yet?" Hotch asked.

"No." Sergeant Fortrye's voice said from the doorway. "I've tripled patrols in search of the body, but nothin' yet."

"Dammit!" Lauren cursed slamming her hand down on the table in frustration. "Do we have a real name for her yet?"

"Garcia's working on it." Morgan said, but this didn't help. They needed a name now. Lauren couldn't help but think of the poor girl out there. Nobody should be displayed like that after death. Like some kind of spectator's amusement. It was hard to keep her cool and Lauren was slowly losing it. The heat in the stuffy office and the amount of people talking were making her head spin and her throat tighten. She had to get out, she could barely breathe.

"I need to get out." She choked as a wave of nausea hit her.

Quickly she moved through the team and headed for the doors outside where she hoped the fresh air would still her stomach and head.

* * *

Spencer was quick to follow Lauren outside, his worry for her even superseded helping with the case. After swinging open the double doors he had hoped a waft of cool air would pass over him. But it didn't. The air was stale, humid and was heavy with the smell of exhaust fumes. Yet his gaze flicked over the scene outside. Crowds hurried past looking at the ground but still managing to avoid bashing into one another but there was only one slim figure that wasn't moving.

Lauren was leant against the white stone wall of the NYPD Police Department. Her head was lowered and a hand placed on her forehead, Spencer had come to recognize this as a sign stress, just from the short time he had known her.

"Lauren?" Spencer asked tentatively, worried by her stillness.

"This is my fault, Spencer." She said still looking down. "If only we had kept talking to her for a moment longer… this might not have happened."

"With an unsub like this, it's likely she would have done it whatever time you had finished the conversation." He was trying his best. He had little experience with distressed women, even less with ones he felt so strongly for.

"It's so wrong! Why do people want to hurt each other?" Lauren asked, looking up at him. Her brow was furrowed in anger though her eyes gleamed with un-spilt tears and Spencer's heart felt like it was being crushed. He couldn't bear to see her like this, her distress was affecting him more than anyone else's, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. He so desperately wanted to make her happier, but he just didn't know how. It was at times like these he wished for Morgan's cool head or Garcia's outgoing nature, the only thing he could think of to say was another fact.

"Like you said, she probably doesn't kill for the sake of murder. This type of unsub is fuelled by collecting what she thinks is beauty. She probably needs to 'collect' her previous target before she can move onto the next." He burbled quickly.

There was a silence between them.

"And the next would be me?" Lauren sighed heavily.

"She won't harm you." Spencer said seriously. Another silence passed. Spencer took the time to look at Lauren closely as she smacked the white wall in frustration. Her fists were clenched and her expression strong with anger. But on closer inspection she looked so fragile: her hair draped around her pale face, her eyes misted with a barrage of tears she wouldn't let through. It was only then Spencer remembered how young she was, 24 at the most he had deducted. A Detective at so young must have seen so much, but even at her age she can't have gained the experience to deal with all she had seen. He knew this from personal experience, not just from knowledge of psychology.

Without hesitation this time, Spencer reached out his hand and placed it on Lauren's arm. He thought it would feel awkward or embarrassing to do so but her skin was warm and soft and as soon as he placed it there, she looked at him.

"I'm sorry." She apologised and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"For what?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm not normally like this." She explained. "I am a good Detective. I just sometimes get so involved. It's a bad habit." She smiled weakly up at him. "Hotch says it will pass in time and I will learn to distance myself more."

"I think it's admirable that you feel so strongly for the victims." Spencer said. Lauren turned to face him. He shuffled his feet, anticipation coursing through him at how close they now were. He cleared his throat. "Not many in law enforcement still feel like that, they see it as a job only and most are so closed off in themselves just so they are able to cope." He was referring more to himself than others.

"I don't want the others to think I am weak." She said frowning. "…I don't want you to think that."

"Me?" He asked, his voice rising slightly higher than he meant to due to surprise. She nodded at him. "Why?" He couldn't help but ask. He felt a slight thrill pass through him at the thought she valued his opinion so highly.

"Because," She began and took a step closer to him, almost closing the gap between them. He could feel her warm breath on his neck as she raised her face to look him in the eyes. His throat was dry and his limbs weak. He'd heard of moments like this. When one person could evoke such responses, making a person feel weak and unfocused. He didn't want it to stop.


	11. Chapter 11

****A/N: Hi everyone. Sorry for long hiatus. But thank you to everyone who kept reading and reviewing. **

**To make up for my time away I will publish two chapters today! And I hope to be able to update much more regularly.**

**Thanks again everyone, keep reading and reviewing (Also, I know JJ is gone in the series but I'm keeping her, 'cause I like her)****

Chapter Eleven

'_**In a moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.'**__  
__**Theodore Roosevelt**_

"Spencer," Lauren began. " I think I—"

"Lauren?" A worried voice called. She flicked her head to the side to see Hotch jogging towards her, anxiety creasing his brow. "Are you ok?" He asked as he reached them. "You left so quickly." He held her at arm's length, seemingly examining her for physical damage.

"I'm fine, Hotch. It was just so hot in there." She said, trying to calm the head of the BAU. He didn't seem to entirely believe her as his thumb caught a tear that had earlier streamed down her cheek. He looked accusingly at it. "I'm fine." She repeated, covering the tear with her hand in his. "Spencer was here anyway." She said looking around Hotch. Spencer stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets and his gaze lowered.

"I should get back inside—"

"I think that's a good idea." Hotch agreed sternly after Spencer had barely finished speaking. Lauren didn't agree, she didn't want him to leave but she said nothing and let him walk back inside. "Are you sure you're alright?" Hotch asked yet again.

Lauren looked up. "Yes, Hotch." She smiled and went on to tip toe to kiss his cheek. He didn't seem too surprised by the action but she noticed how he glanced around to see if anyone had seen. It made her smile widen.

Back inside the building the team had assembled, apparently waiting for her and Hotch's arrival.

"They've found her." Emily said excitedly, confusing Lauren.

"The victim?" Hotch asked, obviously also confused.

Emily nodded. "She's still alive." Lauren's eyes widened.

"Where was she found?" Hotch questioned.

"The Prince George Ballroom." The team looked to Lauren after Emily's words and she nodded to indicate it was a wedding hotspot.

"At least she's still alive." Morgan said, releasing a long breath.

"…Barely." Emily corrected Morgan, seemingly trying not to have to reveal this information. "They will have to pump the drugs out of her system. It seems to be an over dose of morphine."

"Morphine?" Spencer asked. "That's a common medicine used in 'Angel of Death' mercy killings." He explained. "It's the most common motivator for female serial killers. They feel as though they are delivering mercy for those that suffer. Most work for nursing homes or hospitals."

"But she's a photographer." Lauren said confusedly as the team mobilised to head to the hospital.

"It's possible she read an article about an 'Angel of Death'." Rossi said. "It's possible that is what spurred her on to begin with."

"Remember the way she reacted to Morgan's actions?" Emily asked.

"Yes, it's possible she feels she is delivering mercy to the 'beauty' from their fiancé or husband." Spencer reasoned. "It's possible the unsub suffered spousal abuse." He added.

"Let's hope the victim makes it through. She could be a great help to the case." Hotch said with a hopeful tone.

Arriving at the hospital, the front was flooded with media. Vans with channel numbers blocked ambulance bays and cameras flashed like crazy as the team arrived. JJ was the first to get out. "We have no statement at the moment, little information is known about the victim." She began, diverting the media's attention. It was the first time Lauren had seen JJ at her job, and she was very effective at it.

But now without the sea of the media the BAU team were free to enter the hospital. They didn't even need to introduce themselves as the team were shuffled towards the correct room. The hospital door was shut and two large policemen stood outside on guard.

"We're with the FBI." Hotch said, flashing his badge to the doctor waiting outside. "How is she?" He asked. The doctor lowered his gaze sympathetically.

"We began to remove the drug affecting her system-."

"Well that's good isn't it?" Lauren interrupted excitedly. But the doctor obviously hadn't finished.

"But it wasn't morphine, which would have been quite easily removed. I'm afraid she has been injected with a paralytic drug." He said, flicking through the charts he held. "Tetrotodoxin."

"That's a presynaptic neurotoxin." Spencer said and Lauren looked to him now, even more impressed by his knowledge. "But there's no known cure for it."

"Is that the puffer fish poison?" Emily asked.

"Actually, although tetrotodoxin has been found in certain types of fish, including the pufferfish, it's formed by bacteria." Spencer reeled.

"It doesn't take much of it to kill someone." The doctor said sadly. "She is awake, but I don't think she will make it through the night. I'm sorry." He apologised before walking away slowly.

"So she's going to die?" Lauren asked, trying to pry some normal answers from someone. She looked to Spencer who gave a weak smile. She groaned and leant against a wall.

"Emily, go speak to the victim." Hotch said. Emily obliged and opened the door calmly before entering.

* * *

Spencer looked over Lauren as she leant heavily on the wall. He moved towards her slowly, trying to think of something reassuring to say but nothing came to mind. How could you brighten someone up from knowing someone else is going to die?

"Do you ever feel like it's not worth it?" Lauren asked suddenly. Spencer looked down at her confused. "Every time we catch a bad guy, another one springs up in their place. How can we protect people from that?" Her voice was strained.

"We do it because it's right." Spencer said stating the obvious. "Once we catch this unsub, yes, there will be another. But if we didn't catch any at all, how do you think the world would be now?" His words obviously sunk in to Lauren as she glanced up at him.

"You're right." She said softly. "I think I just need some air." She gave a soft, fake smile and moved away down the long white corridor. It took a few moments before Spencer took a step to follow her. But he was halted by a hand on his shoulder. Hotch walked past Spencer after stopping him and shook his head. Spencer took this as an indication not to follow but he was desperate to. Knowing Lauren was upset was bad enough, but not being able to help was killing him. He watched after Hotch as he walked down the corridor following Lauren.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"_**A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again." ~Enid Bagnold**_

Lauren felt overwhelmed. Working on this case had been distracting enough but now… her thoughts trailed to the young Dr Reid and his inexplicable power to catch her off guard. Lauren prided herself on being a strong, determined Detective. And she had managed to keep this up until Spencer had come along. She felt almost weak near him, unafraid to show her true emotions to him. Twice now she had broken down in front of him, shown how vulnerable she could be. But for some reason it annoyingly didn't matter. And earlier… she groaned in embarrassment at the thought. She replayed the memory.

'_Spencer, I think I—' _

Lauren was just thankful Hotch had interrupted when he had. What exactly had she planned on saying to Spencer? Lauren denied the fact that she knew exactly what she had planned to say only to have her thoughts cut short.

"You look exhausted." Hotch commented as he walked to her side. Lauren flicked her head around to look at him.

"I was just thinking about the case."

"As usual." He said. "Have you managed to sleep at all lately?" She didn't answer but instead Lauren wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He didn't flinch or tense at the warm action instead he pulled her closer to him protectively.

Hugging Hotch was the most comforting gesture she could have wanted at that time. She had never been so thankful to have him here. His fatherly like manner towards her only made this moment feel more reassuring. At least with him here, she was safe.

His hand stroked her hair and the calm motion of his breathing was hypnotic. Lauren could have fallen asleep right there. She hated to admit it, but she needed him to make her feel alright again. Like a child after falling from their bike being comforted by their parent.

"Go home." He said suddenly.

"What?" Lauren pulled away and looked at him disbelievingly. "But-"

"No, I don't want to hear it." He interrupted before she could answer back. "You're exhausted from the case and you'll be no help to anyone in this state." He was right, of course. He leant forward and kissed her forehead, a very uncharacteristic action but Lauren felt warm from it.

"Ok." She answered, too tired to try to change his mind.

* * *

Spencer felt terrible. His stomach was knotted so tightly he was having trouble concentrating. His mind was distracted by Lauren and he glanced occasionally down the corridor. He had had an overwhelming urge to go and comfort her, but he was doing his best to focus on the case.

The team had returned to the office already and Spencer sat at the table fidgeting. Hotch and Lauren hadn't been with them. At the sound of footsteps Spencer flicked his eyes up but it wasn't who he was expecting.

"Where's Lauren?" Spencer asked instantly as Hotch entered alone.

"I sent her home." He answered unexpectedly.

"Why?" Spencer couldn't help but ask. Hotch sat at Lauren's desk, and his presence was as imposing as it ever was.

"She's exhausted, she needs some rest."

"Hotch," Morgan said as he entered the room in a flurry. "Garcia found something." He laid his phone on the table and pressed the speakerphone button.

"Tina Mayson is Rose Greenfields." Garcia's voice announced over the phone. "She's a florist's assistant working at a small shop near the first murder site, Ivy and Holly Florists."

"We need to get down there." Hotch commanded, standing from his seat. "Reid, Morgan you come with me." He said. Spencer quickly gathered up his things and stood ready. "The rest of you stay here and gather more on Rose Greenfields."

Hotch drove as quickly as he could through New York's traffic.

"Ivy and Holly florists were the suppliers for the victims' weddings." Spencer said as he looked through the files on his laptop.

"But I thought she was a photographer?" Morgan asked. Spencer's fingers typed as fast as they could.

"It could be her sideline. A hobby." Spencer explained. "She probably makes a relationship with the victim through the florist before offering her services as a photographer, most likely at a discounted price."

"That's why it was so hard to get hold of her." Hotch added. Spencer flicked through her report on the screen. It explained the trauma she had suffered as a child.

"Rose Greenfields was subjected to abuse and used in child pornography by her father when younger." Spencer read. Morgan shook his head in obvious disgust. "A recent batch of those photos has just surfaced."

"That's probably her stresser." Hotch remarked. The killers in these cases were always wrong, but sometimes Spencer couldn't help but feel that they had no chance. Growing up like that could never help to create a fully 'normal' developed adult.

Arriving at the florists the team jumped out and rushed inside. The mixed smell of many flowers wafted over Spencer and caught him off guard. So many fragrances put together didn't smell as nice as he thought it would. Separately he was sure they smelt lovely, but together it just smelt of damp grass.

"Can I help you?" A woman asked at the counter. She was quite a bit older than the killer and her hands were scarred.

"We're looking for Rose Greenfields." The woman seemed confused for a moment before recognition hit her.

"You mean Tina." Spencer glanced at Morgan. "She hates being called Rose." The woman gave a small laugh.

"Where is she?" Hotch said demandingly.

"She went to make a personal errand." The woman explained. "She was taking a beautiful bunch of hibiscus to a friend of hers." Spencer tensed visibly.

"Where was she going? Did she say?" Morgan asked taking out a pad to write any addresses.

"Well, all she said was that it was on Lower East side, somewhere near Clinton Street."

"Lauren's apartment is near there!" Hotch exclaimed and turned on his heel. Spencer's heart skipped a beat. This couldn't really be happening. He couldn't lose her. Not now.

* * *

Lauren dropped her keys and gun on her sideboard as soon as she got in. She was about to flop onto her bed but a knock from her door stopped her. Groaning in annoyance and exhaustion she managed to turn slowly and head towards the door. The knocking sounded again.

"Coming." She called half heartedly. Pulling open her thin wood door she was surprised to see someone hidden behind a huge bunch of flowers. The flowers were unexpected and she wondered for a moment if they were really for her.

"Delivery for Lauren Lewis." The delivery girl said.

"Oh, thanks." Lauren said still surprised. "You can just put them over there." She said turning back into her apartment allowing the woman in to place the flowers down.

"Such pretty flowers." The delivery girl said.

"Yes." Lauren commented as she reached for some money to tip the lady.

"For such a pretty English Rose."


	13. Chapter 13

****A/N: Sorry for lateness again, but for your patience and kindness **

**for reading and reviewing I will post two chapters! **

**Hope that makes up for my tardiness****

Chapter Thirteen

"_**Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.**__**"- Author Unknown**_

Lauren span on her heel to the woman stood in her apartment. Tina Mayson stood grinning at her widely. It was only now did Lauren glance to the bunch of flowers behind the woman; they were all hibiscus each one as red as blood as though they had been soaked in it before delivery.

Lauren's gaze then flicked desperately over the room. Her gun was behind Tina, she would never reach it. The door was closed, her windows were shut and there was no one in the closest apartments. She was alone. Alone with_ her_.

All of Lauren's police training left her mind, quickly replaced by scared thoughts muddled by a cloud of fear.

"Please…" Lauren whispered, stepping back from the murderer in her home. "You don't have to do this."

"Shhhh." Tina hushed, advancing slowly with her hands held out as if wanting to embrace Lauren in a hug. "I am doing this for you." She continued.

Lauren backed up as much as she could suddenly halted by a wall against her back. Panic struck every limb and it took all her strength just to stand.

"Why?" Lauren choked, trying to contain her terror stricken tears. Tina gained distance steadily now standing only inches from Lauren.

"Such beauty should not be wasted and mistreated by men." She said with a grimace, her hand reaching towards Lauren. She flinched, her entire body tensing as Tina's hand brushed down her hair. Although Lauren thought the gesture was to inspire reassurance, it only provoked more fear. "Someone like you needs to be cherished, to be appreciated." Tina's voice was soft but threatening.

* * *

"We need to go faster." Hotch said commandingly, as if the blocked traffic before him would part. His hands clenched the dashboard staring at the sea of stuck cars. He was on the edge of the seat, as if this small action would help them reach the apartment quicker.

"How far are we?" Morgan asked frustratedly.

"Not far." Hotch replied. Spencer could hear how he was trying to restrain the worry from his tone, but it wasn't working.

"I can't wait here!" Morgan said forcing open the car door and jumping out. Hotch said nothing and only followed suit. He slammed the door behind him. Spencer was quick to follow but had little time to get out of the car before Morgan and Hotch were dashing away down the street.

Spencer had said little since leaving the florists. He could barely think let alone talk. His thoughts were constantly jumping to terrible conclusions of how this situation could end. And those thoughts were enough to make him feel hollow.

Though Spencer had only known Lauren for a short time, the thought of not seeing her everyday from now on was painful. Losing her would break a part of him he wasn't sure he could repair. His fists clenched and he continued to follow determinedly behind Hotch and Morgan.

* * *

Lauren wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She was cowering away from Tina. Lauren was doing nothing to capture her; this woman who had killed five innocent women.

Lauren was a Detective of the NYPD and here she was, paralyzed by fear for her own life. How could she protect others if she couldn't even attempt to protect herself?

"How did you find me?" Lauren asked, her voice wavering.

"It wasn't hard." Tina confessed. "I guess taking a false name was your fiancé's idea?" She asked, spitting out the words viciously.

"I… I don't have a fiancé" Lauren replied, her eyes widening as Tina reached forwards again. But her hand fell onto her shoulder gently.

"You won't need to worry about him much longer." She said with a kind smile. "He won't hurt you anymore."

Without saying a word Lauren jerked out of her cowering position. The palm of her hand was thrust towards Tina's face. She felt it connect as a pain shot down her arm.

Tina yelped loudly and stumbled backwards. Lauren stood stunned for a moment. She could feel the adrenaline rush through her blood. Her stomach felt sick to the core and her head pounded but she wasn't going to lose this momentary distraction.

Spinning towards the sideboard where her gun lay she leapt forwards. But her efforts were stunted as something tripped her.

Lauren fell to the ground heavily, rolling onto her back barely able to gulp down a breath. Tina stood above her, glaring down at her with a blood shot eye. She grabbed Lauren's wrist forcefully pulling her upwards onto her feet. The movement was incredibly painful and it felt like she had wrenched Lauren's shoulder from its socket.

With a hiss of pain Lauren did her best to struggle. Her legs kicked out, her arms wriggled to be free but it was all for nothing. Her eyes widened and she gasped as Tina picked up a small brass trophy from Lauren's coffee table. As Tina raised it above her head Lauren did the only thing left.

She screamed.

* * *

Spencer entered the apartment building not long after Hotch and Morgan. It was hard to catch his breath from the long sprint but his mind was focused on something else.

"Which apartm—" But Morgan's question was answered as an ear piercing scream came from the ground floor ahead of them.

"Lauren!" Hotch yelled loudly, running past Morgan with gun raised.

The scream had shot through Spencer painfully and it took a while before his feet could move from fear. What if…? He couldn't even think it. Without another thought he followed Hotch, his tense hand hovering over his gun.

Morgan was the first to enter the apartment; his foot had easily ripped open the rusted lock as he kicked against it.

"Rose Greenfields." Morgan shouted loudly, announcing his presence within the room. "FBI! Put down the weapon and put your hands behind your head."

Spencer bustled his way into the apartment after Hotch. His gaze quickly surveyed the scene. Where was she? A small groan sounded from one side and all the BAU agents turned to look at the source of the sound.

Lauren's small figure lay limp on the ground. A large cut across her forehead was causing a trail of blood to travel over her pale skin. The red liquid made Spencer's chest clench in worry and Spencer made a move to go to her but Hotch's arm pushed him back into position.

Spencer glanced up at him, his concern was evident but his eyes were focused on the murderer ahead of them. He had almost forgotten about her. His worry for Lauren had overridden his usually keen sense of danger. Turning back to the woman he examined her.

"She is mine!" Rose Greenfields shouted desperately. The blood splattered trophy fell out of her hand and clattered to the ground. "I just wanted her to be loved."

"She is." Hotch said seriously and gestured to Morgan. Morgan understood the signal and quickly moved to handcuff the woman. Rose Greenfields didn't even resist, her gaze fixed on Lauren.

"Look what she made me do." She said. "I ruined her. I ruined her!" She screamed. Morgan had a little trouble pulling her out of the apartment but eventually succeeded.

Now there was only one thing his focus was on.

"Lauren?"


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

**"_Can I see another's woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's grief, and not seek for kind relief?"-__William Blake_**

"Lauren?" Hotch's panicked voice sounded. Spencer watched as Hotch fell beside Lauren's limp body. He slipped his arms under her, bringing her up to his chest gently. Although his entire body wanted to be the one holding Lauren, Spencer knew this was how it should be. He walked over to Hotch softly and stood over him. His gaze fell on Lauren. Her skin was paler than ever, her eyes closed and her hair blood stained.

Hotch ran his fingers over Lauren's hair. Spencer noticed how his hand shook. Lauren wasn't moving. Spencer's heart thudded loudly in his head. His breath had stopped and he didn't know if he would ever catch it. A shooting pain crossed his chest and he frowned.

"Lauren," Hotch said quietly, hugging her closer. "Come on, wake up." A sudden groan left Lauren. Hotch's shoulder un-tensed visibly and he let out the breath he had been holding.

"Ho…Hotch?" She spluttered. Her eyes were half shut but Spencer saw the relief in her expression. But he couldn't look away as her half conscious gaze suddenly met his. "You..." She said. Spencer's entire body felt light as she smiled weakly to him. But the feeling was sucked away from him as she once again shut her eyes and led limp over Hotch's lap.

"Lauren?" Hotch yelled, shaking her slightly. But the sound of sirens signalled hope.

The small apartment quickly became a hive of activity. Lauren had to be practically ripped from Hotch's protective grasp before she was whisked away in an ambulance. At the present moment Hotch was being told how Lauren had only suffered a minor blow and would be fine but they wanted to check for further trauma. But Spencer could see what little relief this gave to the head of the BAU. And Spencer had to admit that he would only be satisfied with her wellbeing when he saw it with his own eyes.

"You ok?" Morgan asked from behind Spencer.

"Yes, of course." Spencer lied looking back over the apartment. It felt like an intrusion to be in Lauren's home now she was safe. But he couldn't help but look over the small space with a profiling eye. It was tidy, incredibly so. All trinkets were seemingly displayed for decoration rather than sentimental value. It was decorated in a hue of neutral colours though the furniture was homely and cosy. A few photographs were dotted around the apartment. Spencer was drawn to the one closest.

The photo displayed, Spencer guessed, Lauren as a child. The scene was obviously somewhere rural and she was holding a lamb happily. Spencer had to squint to get a closer look at the adult standing with her. It was Hotch. He had his arm around Lauren's shoulders protectively and was smiling proudly at her. He looked quite young and Spencer realised he had never seen Hotch look so relaxed.

"Cute." Morgan commented as he also looked at the picture. "Is that…?" Morgan trailed also squinting to get a closer view.

"I think so." Spencer replied with a knowing smile.

"We should get to the hospital." JJ suggested as she walked up to them. "Hotch is already on his way and Rossi is going to stay with Rose Greenfields at the station." Spencer nodded and replaced the photo on the side. He looked down at JJ as her arm fell gently on his in a reassuring manner.

At the hospital Spencer paced restlessly down the hall. He was absently biting his finger nail as worry panicked his entire body. He couldn't recall a time when he had felt such worry for someone. Glancing up he looked over the team. Hotch rested against the off white wall whilst Morgan sat on one of the chairs staring at the ceiling. JJ and Emily sat next to him, concern showing on both of their expressions. It was amazing how this one woman had left such an impression on them all.

"Lauren Lewis?" An unfamiliar voice called. At the mention of Lauren's name Spencer stepped forward, craning over the small doctor as he glanced down at his chart.

"Is she alright?" Hotch asked, his voice was calm but it cracked slightly. It seemed like a lifetime before the doctor spoke.

"Oh, yes. She is fine. Though I must say she is being a little stubborn about resting." The doctor said disapprovingly, Hotch gave a relieved smile. "I would prefer she stayed overnight, but she is insisting that she has no need to stay. Legally I can't-"

"It's ok." Hotch said. "She'll be supervised tonight." The doctor smiled in relief and as he left Spencer's knees gave way and he collapsed onto the chair. Now he knew Lauren was fine the worry he had been holding left his system. Now he was exhausted. His limbs were weak from pacing and his mind was blurred and tired from replaying the scene over and over.

"You should get some rest." JJ chimed suddenly. Spencer looked to her with wide eyes as if the very thought of leaving was unthinkable.

"No." He replied sharply. He frowned in apology at his snap. "I… I should see her. She needs to be questioned about what happened." JJ said nothing and just smiled turning back to Emily.

* * *

Lauren sighed heavily as she sat impatiently. The hospital bed was cold and un-comfy but she had been warned about leaving by the nurse. She had been so strict in her words Lauren didn't dare leave the bed let alone the room. Her gaze surveyed the box sized room. It was quite bare of adornments, as most hospital rooms were. The walls were white with a tint of blue, giving the area a somewhat bleak feeling.

"I hear you're not listening to doctor's orders." Hotch's voice sounded from the doorway. Lauren's face lit up into a smile as he walked over to her. With little care to the pain coursing through her body she leaned towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He gently returned the hug and she could tell he was smiling.

"I am bored here." Lauren whined as she released him from her embrace.

"You've been here half an hour." Hotch laughed gently.

"And you'll be here a lot longer if you don't listen to the professionals." Morgan said as he entered the room. Lauren laughed at him as he also wrapped his arms around her. "You had us worried." He whispered into her ear as he let her go.

"Is Spe—Are all the team here?" She asked cutting herself off as she realised the one member of the team she wanted to see most was the one person she didn't really want to see her in this state.

"Yes." Hotch replied. As if to reinforce his answer JJ and Emily walked into the room and straight to Lauren's bedside.

"I'm so glad to hear you're ok." JJ said, placing a hand on Lauren's. She smiled to the blonde agent.

"It's just a bump on the head." Though Lauren knew that wasn't true. Her body ached like she had run a five day marathon and every word echoed in her head before understanding what was said. But she wouldn't admit this.

* * *

Spencer hesitated before entering Lauren's room. He could hear the chattering and laughing from inside and didn't know what was stopping him from going in. A flash back of Lauren lying with her head bleeding and unconscious made his head spin. Just the image made his stomach knot in worry. The amount of concern he felt for the young Detective was what made him reluctant to enter. He had been denying the fact that every time she was near him every emotion and feeling was multiplied. And he liked it. But almost losing her had caused more heart ache than even when someone on the team had been injured. And he felt guilty for this. He felt bad that a woman he had met only dayss ago caused more happiness in him than the family he had with the team.

Doing his best to flush the thoughts from his mind, Spencer took a deep breath and entered the room. He stood lingering in the doorway. Lauren led in the hospital bed surrounded by the team. She was smiling broadly and laughing. The gash in her head had been stitched and covered and her eyes were shadowed with dark circles but she looked stunning. Her smile lit up her features and her eyes sparkled as she talked to the team.

"Finally, Reid." Morgan commented. At his words Spencer saw Lauren's gaze flick to his. For a moment they looked at each other. He didn't have the strength to look away as her brown eyes seemed to be focusing on nothing but him. But it ended too soon as her gaze snapped away back to Hotch.

"We should get back to the station." Hotch commanded. "Rose Greenfields still needs to be interviewed." There was a collective groan about leaving. "There is a patrol car outside waiting to take you home." Lauren flinched at the thought of going back to her apartment. Hotch's hand rested on her arm at her visible worry. "JJ has agreed to stay over with you tonight seeing as you refuse to stay under medical supervision." He furrowed his brow at her but sighed. "We will be leaving tomorrow." Lauren's small smile faded.

"Thanks JJ." Lauren said gratefully. JJ smiled widely.

"A bit of a girl's night." Hotch shot a glare at the blonde agent as she said so. "But a gentle one of course." JJ winked at Lauren who smiled. "I will see you later." Everyone was hesitant but finally each took their turn to say their goodbyes. "Come on." Hotch said as he moved past Spencer.

"Wait…" Lauren's voice trailed. Spencer and Hotch both turned to her. "I, uh, just want to have a word with Dr Reid." She gave a half smiled and Hotch glanced to Spencer suspiciously.

"Fine." He agreed and left the room leaving the pair alone.

* * *

Silence seeped in through every corner of the room. Spencer flicked his gaze from Lauren to the floor.

"I'm glad it was nothing serious." Spencer said finally, gesturing to the cut on Lauren's head. She raised a hand to the stitched wound and smiled meekly.

"Yes." She replied. Another silence. But this time it was interrupted by Lauren. "Thank you, for helping with the case."

"It's my—" Spencer cut himself off from saying, 'It's my job.' It was true, of course. But it had been more than that to him this time. "You're welcome." He said quietly.

"About this morning…" Lauren said suddenly, keeping her gaze fixed on her nervously twisting hands. "Outside the Police Department." At the mere mention of the moment Spencer felt the emotions overwhelm as they had earlier. It was like de ja vu: his throat dry, his heart quickening and limbs weak. She gazed to him. "I…I was going to say—"

"Visiting is over now; you need to fill out these papers, Ms Lewis." A nurse chimed as she walked in. Spencer's jaw slacked slightly at the interruption. He wanted to push the nurse back out of the room and lock the door.

"Oh." Lauren said quietly, focusing her gaze back to her clasped hands. Spencer stood motionless. "Another time then, Dr Reid." She gave a forced smile.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

'_**I suspect the secret of personal attraction is locked up **__**in our unique imperfections, flaws and frailties.'**__**-**__**  
**_**_Hugh Mackay_**

Arriving home Lauren felt the overwhelming sense that it was no longer 'home'. She walked carefully through the room where the attack had happened and swallowed hard.

It was getting dark out and Lauren was quick to turn on every light she had. Her entire body was tensed and she wanted to laugh at herself for being such a girl. But deep down she was terrified. She shook off the feeling best she could and decided to be as strong as was possible.

After showering and throwing on a large baggy tee shirt and sweat pants Lauren felt a little better. It wouldn't be long until JJ arrived and at least she wouldn't be alone then. Trying to occupy her mind she began rushing about trying to find refreshments. She found a bag of chips which she opened into a bowl. She wasn't the best hostess, but then she reasoned she hadn't actually been expecting company before all of this...Her hands shook at the memories so she quickly walked into the living room placing the bowl on the table.

A small amount of tidying and Lauren had run out of things to do. It was now her mind over worked. The small trophy she had been hit with was placed back on the coffee table, yet at a different angle than Lauren had always had it. But as she reached out to move it her hands began to shake again, her eyes watered and she took a step back.

The sudden knocking at the door made Lauren's heart almost leap from her chest. There was a moment of panic before she relaxed realising it would be JJ. Whispering quick gratitude to any God who was listening for the company she made her way to the door and tugged it open.

"Thank god you're here—Dr Reid!" Lauren stared in shock at the tall man in front of her. "What are you doing here?" It was then Lauren remembered what she looked like. She crossed her arms over her chest in an effort to hide the old Care Bears shirt she wore and lowered her gaze in a desperate attempt to shield him from the view of her without make up.

"JJ had to go back tonight, her boy is ill." He said it so matter of factly that he didn't even seem to notice Lauren's futile attempts to make the ground swallow her whole. "I said I would cover for her. I hope you don't mind I just—"

"No, it's fine. It's good." Lauren laughed nervously and mentally took back her thanks she had given to God. "Come in." He smiled awkwardly and walked past her.

A long silent moment passed in which neither did anything. "Help yourself to food." Lauren gestured to the bowl of chips. "I'm sorry, it's all I got." Spencer nodded and smiled letting his satchel slide from his shoulder. "I was just thinking of watching a couple of DVDs, an easy activity on the brain." She smiled.

"Actually the brain—" He began.

"I just meant nothing too strenuous or active." Her eyes widened. "Not that you were thinking of doing anything active." Lauren felt her face redden and turned away. But Spencer looked back at her completely oblivious and she sighed with relief. "You can choose anything you like, I'll be right back."

"Ok." He replied and moved to the large array of colourful DVD cases. Lauren rushed into her small bathroom and stared in the mirror. Her hair was a wet mangled wreck and her skin was completely flushed. Groaning in annoyance she pulled open her make up bag and set to work.

By the time Lauren had put on some make up, dried her hair and pulled on a set of more attractive pyjamas Spencer still hadn't decided on a DVD.

"Having trouble choosing?" She asked, a little calmer now she felt more presentable. He seemed to glance over her new look momentarily before turning back to the movies.

"You have a lot of choice."

"Yeah, I'm a bit of a movie hoarder." She laughed and stood closer to him. "Ok let's watch…" She closed her eyes and ran a finger randomly over the DVDs. She felt her finger tip travel over the plastic before she stopped. "This one." She announced, opened her eyes and found herself pointing at Watchmen. She glanced to Spencer who seemed to be happy with the selection.

* * *

Spencer couldn't deny the fact that being here with Lauren was the best time he had had in quite some time. As the movie progressed he couldn't help but glance over to her as she stared intently at the screen. He had been attracted to many women, but something about her made him more than just physically drawn in by her.

He had been quite stunned when she'd first opened the door. He'd never seen her in such a casual state and he felt awkward for catching her off guard. But even then he hadn't been able to stop looking at how her wet hair fell into her face, framing her eyes and smile.

A frown creased his brow as he thought about the next day. The team would be returning home, and it was the first time Spencer had not wanted to go. He realised how unrealistic he was being in wanting to stay, especially for the reason he wanted to stay.

In his mind he reasoned with himself. He understood that being attracted to Lauren wasn't a bad or abnormal thing. But he shouldn't make rash decisions in this state. All the endorphins and emotions he felt now were just a normal reaction to finding someone attractive and having a want to be with them. But the feelings would pass if he left.

Yet there was a nagging feeling Spencer couldn't justify. It felt as though these feelings were more than just the first flush of excitement of meeting someone new. He frowned. These thoughts were clouding his usual sharp judgement. And even now his sensible side was telling him that feeling anything for a woman who may not return the interest was clearly not sensible.

Lauren suddenly let out a small laugh as she watched the movie and every confusing thought faded away and he smiled widely at her.

* * *

Lauren felt comfortable with Spencer there. The evening was turning out to be pretty perfect. It didn't take a genius to realise she was falling for the adorable Dr Reid. Everything about him made her want to climb over the seat and kiss him. Lauren smiled at her thought and glanced to him. But she frowned and looked away.

It was quite obvious that he wouldn't be attracted to her. She was a Detective with an intelligence level no where near to his. She barely understood some of the facts he spilled and there were times she couldn't keep with his thought process. And yet she couldn't help but think there was _something_ between them. Was she really just imagining it? Lauren wouldn't put it past herself. Her history with men wasn't great.

As she sat and mulled over the hopeless thought of being attracted to a man out of her league she noticed what part of the movie was on.

Lauren's eye's widened and she almost choked on her chip as the characters on screen began a rather steamy, intimate scene. With a glance to Spencer she noticed how suddenly awkward the moment had become. He kept his focus on the floor and his fingers gripped the edge of the couch they sat on.

And it just kept going. Lauren had never remembered the scene being quite so long. Finally Lauren couldn't take it.

"I'm gonna get a drink, you want something?" She said standing so quickly she almost fell over her own feet.

"I'll just have water." He replied curtly and moved his legs to let her pass.

In the kitchen Lauren took a deep breath and leaned against the small slate topped island. The cold surface cooled her flushing. A quick moment to regain herself and Lauren returned with the drinks and to her relief the scene had long passed. She sat back down, settled in and finished watching the movie.

* * *

After Watchmen they had decided on Star Trek. Spencer had been a little more than thrilled to find out she was a fan, though when he began to go into details about the anomalies of some of the science behind it she seemed to just be smiling politely rather than understanding. It hadn't helped that her unfaltering attention had caught him off guard more than a few times.

Spencer had gotten pretty involved with the movie he hadn't noticed the time go by. When he finally glanced at the clock it had gone midnight. As he turned back to the movie he felt something fall against him. Looking down he stared at Lauren, quite obviously asleep. She was breathing deeply as her head rested against his chest.

It was a long time before Spencer relaxed from his tensed state. His gaze fell over Lauren's still body and as he let his arms rest on her she sighed deeply. The sound made him smile involuntarily, but the smile remained. Every part of his being felt at ease and happier than he thought he could ever be. At that moment he couldn't think of anything he wanted more and then he glanced down at her lips. But the thought quickly dissipated as he scolded himself for even thinking of such a thing.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

'_**Where is the 'good' in Goodbye?' – Meredith Willson**_

Spencer woke slowly. It was a comfy wake up, the sun warming him as he opened his eyes. But as he moved his body ached and he groaned. He realised quickly that sleeping in an awkward sitting position on a seat all night was not a good idea. Yet memories of Lauren laying across him made the pain worth it.

But the memories brought the realisation that Lauren was not there. As his eyes adjusted to the sunlight he glanced over the small apartment. There was the scent of something sweet and a cheerful humming. Standing up he stretched himself and let his arms get some much needed movement.

With steady steps he drifted towards the sound and smell. Lauren's kitchen was small, a common feature in the apartment. But it was sunny and yellow. As he entered she turned to him and smiled. It was more dazzling then any sun ray that spilt into the room.

"Good morning." She chimed. "I bought some muffins, and I got tea." She raised a cup of brown liquid and then seemed to pause in thought. "Though you will probably want coffee." She put down the mug and turned to begin looking. "I know I have some somewhere." He watched as she tip toed to look in cupboards only accentuating her figure. He glanced away at his thought.

"Thank you." He said. "Tea is fine."

"Oh," She turned back and smiled. "Ok." She pushed the flower painted mug to him. As he sat down on one of the stools she took a seat opposite and held her mug of tea. Even in his half awake state he could see she was nervous. She brushed her hair behind her ear and glanced over the room. "Thanks for staying last night." She said finally. "I'm sorry about sleeping on you." She laughed a genuine laugh and Spencer, once again, couldn't help but smile. He was getting used to the involuntary actions she pulled out of him.

"I didn't want to wake you." He said awkwardly. He knew he should have moved her and slept on the floor. But he didn't dare admit he liked the position they had fallen asleep in.

* * *

A silence fell between the pair. Lauren kept glancing to Spencer between sips of tea.

_Just tell him, _she thought to herself. _It's easy, you just say, Spencer I really like you and if you're ever in New York again... _She continued to scold herself at her own bashfulness. Eventually she put her mug down purposefully and looked to him.

"Spencer I—" _Ring, ring, ring._ The chime of her cell phone sounded, interrupting the courage she'd had. "Excuse me." She said in annoyance and left leaving Spencer with a confused look on his face.

"Lauren?" Hotch's voice sounded down the phone.

"Hey, Hotch." She replied as she moved into the living room.

"How are you feeling?"

"More refreshed than I have been in quite some time." Lauren admitted.

"You sound better." He said approvingly. "We are meeting at the airport in half an hour, I would like to be able to say good bye…" He trailed and Lauren smiled.

"I'll be there." She replied and there was a moment of quiet where she hoped Hotch was smiling.

"See you soon." And then he hung up and Lauren sighed. With a defeated smile she returned to the kitchen and leant on the wall. "Your team are leaving in half an hour, would you like a ride to the airport?" Spencer looked to her, half a mouthful of muffin in his mouth.

"They're leaving so soon?" He asked swallowing his bite.

"Yeah." She replied with as much of a smile as she could muster. As he nodded and went to retrieve his things Lauren watched with a frown. Something about this whole situation made her chest ache. She liked Spencer and although she didn't want him to go, she felt stupid for liking him so much after such a short time. It was irrational and yet here she was, trying to think of a way to get him to stay.

There hadn't been much conversation between the pair as they travelled to the airport. Lauren had commented on the weather, as was an English person's tradition. But there was an odd atmosphere between them and Lauren couldn't put her finger on it.

The rest of the team had already got to the airport. As Lauren neared them she noticed how they were all smiling and chatting as they got ready to leave. It wasn't until that moment she realised how much she would miss them. For the small amount of time they had been around, Lauren had felt a part of something, a part of a team.

"We didn't think you'd make it." Emily shouted as she moved to give Lauren a hug.

"I gave Dr Reid a lift, and I definitely wanted to say goodbye." Lauren said as she hugged her back and then let go.

"You could have kept him." Morgan joked but Lauren glanced to Spencer who gave her a saddened look, an expression Lauren hadn't been expecting. "I think I'm actually gonna miss you." Morgan said as he engulfed her in a hug. She hugged him just as tight. "Maybe we'll be in New York again sometime soon."

"Well, crime never sleeps as they say." Lauren joked. Morgan flashed her one last smile before heading on board with Emily. JJ gave a simple hug and 'goodbye' and Lauren realised how the calm, blonde agent had been so comforting.

"It was nice to meet you, Lauren." Rossi said, opting for a hand shake rather than a hug. Lauren smiled at him.

"It was an honor to meet you." He seemed to like the compliment.

"You're going to go far." He commented finally before heading away, slipping on a pair of expensive sunglasses.

Finally it was just Lauren, Spencer and Hotch left in the quiet room bathed in sunlight coming through the floor to ceiling windows of the airport. Lauren sighed and turned to Spencer. He gave a half smile and shifted the satchel on his shoulder.

* * *

Spencer felt suddenly unsure. He wasn't entirely certain he could actually say goodbye to Lauren. She had made such a lasting impression on him in such a short space of time. Never had he met anyone who he felt at ease with, so emotionally open or so connected with. And now he was forced to say goodbye. He frowned as she stepped closer to him.

"Thank you for everything, Dr Reid." He couldn't help but notice the tinge of sadness lining her words. "I will miss your amazing insight, your facts…and just you." She glanced up to him, those big brown eyes making his mind blank to the point he barely heard her words. The need to hold her was an overwhelming one, and a foreign one to Spencer who could only grip the strap of his satchel tighter to resist the urge.

"Yes—" _'Just you'? _The words Lauren had said only just hit Spencer's head. Was she saying she would miss him as a person? Did she return the feelings he thought she never would? A million questions started swirling in his head as he looked down at her.

"I don't expect you realise the impact you've left." She laughed hollowly and dropped her gaze to the floor. "I guess I should say goodbye though."

"I don't think I can." Spencer spurted suddenly. Lauren's gaze flicked up to his and her hand rested on his arm. He looked at her touch and then back to her. He smiled to feel less awkward at his words. But she seemed only too happy at what he'd said. Her eyes sparkled with their usual shine and there felt like there was nothing except this moment and just them.

The odd feelings he'd had from before took over him once again. His heart raced, his head lightened and he felt weak. But it was exhilarating, like an adrenaline rush. Lauren's hand was steadily moving up his arm and as it did Spencer's throat got dry.

"You should get going. We're going to be late." Hotch's voice was a distant murmur, until it grew suddenly louder. "Reid?" Spencer looked to Hotch and the daze that had surrounded him and Lauren faded, leaving the open airport once again.

"Yes, of course." Spencer said blinking a few times to regain himself.

"Goodbye, Dr Reid." Lauren said and as she stepped back Spencer felt like a part of himself was being torn away with her; a bit of himself he would never get back. It was painful. He smiled finally and turned to walk away, glancing back only once. Once had been too much.

* * *

Lauren watched as Spencer walked away only pulled back by Hotch's hand resting on her shoulder.

"I will miss you, Lauren." He said with unashamed honesty.

"I'm going to miss you too." Lauren said and felt her eyes water. She stepped forward and threw her arms around him. "Why do you all have to go?" She asked frowning trying to restrain the tears.

"That's a silly question." Hotch replied as if talking to a child but hugged her back. "I'm so proud of you."

"Ugh," Lauren groaned as she pulled away wiping a few stray tears away. "All this goodbye stuff sucks." Hotch laughed and ran his hand over her hair before kissing the top of her head.

"Be safe." He said seriously and gave a small smile before picking up his bag and walking away.

And Lauren was left alone once again.

But this time Lauren knew what she was missing. When she had first arrived in New York from England she had not known anyone and that hadn't changed over the two years. She had grown accustomed to being solo.

Yet now, as she watched the plane fly into the turquoise sky her chest tightened. She had just said goodbye to a family she so desperately wanted to be part of: a group of close friends, a father. And a man she just didn't want to let go.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"_Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity _

_to tell these people how much they mean to you." - Anonymous_

"Spencer?…Spencer?"

"Hm?"

"Are you ok?" Penelope Garcia, the outgoing, overly optimistic computer technician looked worriedly at Spencer. Her gaze was joined by the rest of the BAU team sat at their desks surrounding him. Feeling suddenly aware of how his thoughts had run away with him again he sat up straighter and cleared his throat nervously.

"Yeah, yes, fine." He answered finally with a small, stiff smile. This was obviously a suitable answer as everyone once again got back to their own work. Day dreaming was becoming a bad habit of Spencer's and all of them seemed to revolve around one person. Five weeks had passed since the trip to New York, in fact four weeks, six days, five hours and…he looked at his watch, fifteen minutes. Yet still he couldn't get the helpful Detective Lauren Lewis out of his head. It was more than just a distraction.

But luckily it had been quite quiet at the BAU. The team had had time to catch up on their sleep and personal time, along with the mountain of paperwork that was required after each case. Currently Spencer was supposed to be filling out a report of his account of how the case went. He had managed to reach the point where Detective Lewis had helped them figure out the killer was a woman and he'd been stuck from then on. His head had not followed his instruction of concentrating and instead decided to wander through the memories he had of her.

Spencer smiled as he thought of her dazzling eyes and how her smile made them sparkle even more. He did his best not to mar the images with thoughts of how she looked when she had been injured. Those images made his chest constrict so painfully it was hard to breathe.

Yet now he could see clearly how she looked the day they had carried out the undercover assignment. She had looked so feminine in the white dress with her hair falling around her in waves. And the way she laughed, even the tone of her voice. It was like he could still hear her so clearly.

Spencer sat up straight. He could hear her clearly.

"It seems quieter than the last time I was here." His heart skipped a beat and then raced in his chest. Spinning around in his chair so fast he almost fell off he could not focus his gaze until they landed on a sight more wanted than anything in his life.

He couldn't take his eyes off of Lauren as she stood at the doorway. He didn't want to unless she disappeared. Also the body hugging, tailored grey dress she wore helped to keep his attention.

* * *

"Lauren?" Emily said as she leapt out of her chair and pulled Lauren into a friendly hug. Lauren smiled as the dark haired agent did so. She wasn't sure how the team would react to her unannounced presence. It was nice to think they thought of her so fondly.

"It' so good to see you." Lauren chimed as she let go of Emily only to be folded in the arms of JJ.

"What are you doing here?" JJ asked pulling away.

"Well, I-" Lauren began but was cut off quickly.

"She has been transferred to our unit. As a consultant only for now." Hotch's voice echoed around the room as he made his way down the stairs from his office. "But she will be under my supervision for training to enter our unit on a permanent basis if everything goes well."

Lauren thought that summed it up quite well and looked at JJ again.

"Really?" Emily asked and Lauren was happy to hear it was in an excited tone.

"I think that's the best news I've heard in quite some time." It was Morgan's voice now and Lauren looked to him. She was once again enveloped in a hug, though this time a little tighter. "You made quite an impression on us all." He said as he pulled away flashing a charming smile at her. Lauren laughed.

"I'm glad. I was worried you were sick of me after New York."

"Never." JJ said happily as she sat on the edge of Emily's desk.

Lauren was thrilled by the warm welcome but couldn't help but notice there was one person who she had yet to see. And as she thought about it she swallowed nervously. Her gaze flitted across the room and then she spotted him. Spencer moved slowly, making his way in between Morgan and JJ.

It was amazing how time could change someone's perception. When Lauren had first met Spencer she had thought he would be pretentious and far too egotistical. And then as she had gotten to know him over the short time she was proven wrong. He had turned into an actual nice guy, the kind women are told are out there but that you only read about in books. The fact he was shy and a little boyish just added to his charm.

The two stood looking at each other for a moment and Lauren had to suppress the urge to pull him into a hug and…She stopped her thoughts there, blushed and then looked at the ground.

"Hello, Dr Reid." Lauren said with a smile tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He seemed to be glancing over her and Lauren felt slightly anxious under his inspecting gaze.

"I, you- It's nice to see you again." He spluttered finally. Lauren's smile faded a little at his formal words. But before she could say anything else a hand rested in her shoulder.

"I thought Hotch had been a little busy lately, it must have taken quite a bit of string pulling to get you in here." Rossi said as he came into view.

"What?" Lauren asked confused. Hotch had said it had been an easy thing to get her here. Lauren looked to Hotch with a furrowed brow but he quickly looked away.

"You arrived just in time anyway." The voice was a slightly familiar one though Lauren didn't know who it belonged to. She glanced over the team to find a new face. The woman who had spoken was dressed in a colourful array of clothing and accessories and yet pulled it off very well. Her eyes were done up in a pretty palette of red tones framed by blue glasses. "Hi, I'm Penelope." She said holding out a hand.

"Oh, Penelope Garcia." Lauren said in sudden recognition taking her hand and shaking it. She remembered her from the phone conversations back in New York. "I've heard so much about you." Lauren said recalling the tales told by the team at the bar that one night.

"I'm glad." Penelope replied and Lauren thought she caught a small hint of mischief in the woman's eyes. It made Lauren laugh.

"If the greetings are finished we all need to get to the conference room, we've got a new case." Hotch ordered.

"Already? But she's only just arrived." Emily asked, but Hotch said nothing and moved away. "Guess that's a yes." Emily said smiling to Lauren.

* * *

Spencer was having a great deal of difficulty in moving. His feet seemed to be pinned in place, only his gaze moving to follow Lauren as she walked with the rest of the team. It was an odd and new feeling to have something you want so much within arms reach but not sure what to do next. But then he seemed to find himself getting rather a lot of odd and new feelings around Lauren.

As she moved out of sight Spencer finally managed to regain control over his body. He quickly rushed to follow the others. If he thought he was distracted before he had a feeling that he was going to be a hundred times worse now.

Could she really be here to stay? Was it selfish to wish for it? Why did it matter so much? Though Spencer knew exactly why it mattered so much he now understood one thing that made him pause. She was now a colleague and that was worse than her being miles away in New York. It was a well known and rarely broken rule for Agents to date. Spencer thought over this for a moment and carried the frown it brought right into the conference room.

There were only two places left and Spencer hesitantly took the place next to Morgan and exactly opposite Lauren. He cleared his throat and pulled the cream coloured folder Penelope gave to him closer. He flicked through the papers inside trying to absorb the information, normally an easy task but today it was the most difficult thing in the world.

For just a moment he gave in and let his eyes look up. It was a surprise to find a sparkling pair of brown eyes staring straight back at him. The butterflies in his stomach were practically bursting now as he flicked his gaze back to the sheets.  
The quiet chattering suddenly silenced as Hotch entered and took a seat.

"I thought this case might be somewhat important." JJ said as she stood up nearing the monitor hung on the wall.  
"How come?" Emily asked.

"Because it's happening right here in Quantico." There was a silence and even Spencer's attention was now fully focused.  
"There have already been three killings linked over the past four months."

"Four months?" Morgan asked shifting in his seat. "How do they know it's the same unsub?" JJ didn't answer his question and only turned to the screen. As she clicked the button on her remote three pictures flickered onto the screen. Spencer's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wow." Emily said, which was pretty much what Spencer thought.

"They look exactly the same." Lauren said leaning closer to the screen and Spencer noticed how her hair fell around her gently as she moved. But frowned and tried once again to solely focus on the case.

"Pretty much." JJ replied. Spencer looked at the men on the screen. Lauren was right, the difference between the men were minimal. They were all well built white men with dark brown, short hair. Each had the same strong facial structure with square jaw. "The first victim was Callum Kent, a thirty four year old from Colorado. He was staying with his cousin. The second was Jim Hunton, a 28 year old personal trainer who lived with his girlfriend. The last was murdered yesterday, his name was Turner Jenson, a thirty two year old swimming instructor. Each were killed in their homes at night when no one else was home. Each was tied down, beaten and then smothered."

"Smothered?" Rossi asked. "That's a pretty intense way to kill someone."

"Usually in such close contact killings the unsub feels personally connected to the victim." Spencer added.

"We should start with finding a common person in these men's lives." Hotch said and stood up suddenly "Morgan, Spencer go look at the latest crime scene." He paused, looked up and then glanced back down. "Take Lauren with you." Spencer barely contained himself as Hotch said it. "Rossi and Prentiss go talk to the families. Penelope help JJ find out about these men's lives, everything from their favorite color to their daily routine."

"Yes, Sir." Penelope answered and the team once again busied into action. Spencer felt a little guilty that he was more focused on the time he would get to spend with Lauren than on finding the killer of these victims. He hoped the sensation would pass, wanting to be with someone this much was exhausting.


	18. Chapter 18

****A/N: I know, I'm a horrible person for not updating. But I have a few chapters that are pretty good and I'm hoping will make up for my terrible writer's block :) Please comment and things.****

Chapter Eighteen

'_The __greatest __mistake __you __can __make __in __life __is __to __be_

_continually __fearing __you __will __make __one.__' __-__Elbert __Hubbard_

"I can't believe you're here to stay!" Morgan exclaimed for the fifth time barely keeping his eyes on the road.

"I'm just grateful to Hotch." Lauren said honestly. "I never would have gotten a position like this without him." She frowned at what Rossi had said previously. Would it really have been that hard to get her into the BAU?

"I'm sure it was easy with someone of your achievements." Lauren rolled her eyes at Morgan's badly hidden flirt. He smiled his usual flashy grin. "No, really, I'm sure they would have been more than willing to take you on."

"I'm not exactly FBI Agent material." Lauren said looking at the road as Morgan drove. Traffic was scarce and actually being able to drive without stopping in traffic every two minutes was a huge novelty for Lauren after New York.

"You'll be fine." He said and rested a hand on her arm for a long moment.

There was silence for quite some time then. Lauren tried her best to focus on the scenery zooming past the window, but kept looking into the rear view mirror to see Reid studying the laptop he balanced on his knees.

"So, uh, Dr Reid, how have you been?" Lauren asked trying to make it sound like a casual enquiry but failing.

"Fine, thank you." Spencer replied. Lauren winced at his shortness of reply. Maybe she had been imagining what she thought was between them in New York. She gazed out of the window again.

"It's been pretty quiet at the BAU." Morgan put into the conversation. "This is the first case we've had since getting back."

"Oh." Lauren said surprised. "With the team's reputation I would have thought you would be constantly on cases."

"Sometimes." Spencer said from the back.

"Yeah, but it's nice to have some down time once in a while." Morgan said. "You need time to sort out your head in a job like this."

"I know what you mean." Lauren replied truthfully. But luckily before anyone could ask what she meant the car pulled to a stop. Lauren quickly jumped out of the black SUV.

The day was beautiful and Lauren didn't feel like investigating murders on such a glorious day. The sun beat down heavily and warmed every inch of her. A few bubbly white clouds tracked across the blue sky but there was no breeze. And the air felt clean. It was one of the first things Lauren noticed when she had arrived this morning. In New York it felt like the pollution stuck to everything and pulled you down. But here it was refreshing to be outside.

"Enjoying the day?" Morgan asked as he walked up beside her.

"It's so different here." Lauren said.

"In a good way?" Morgan asked. Lauren watched as Spencer walked past her without even a glance.

"I'm not sure yet." Lauren replied not so much about the weather.

* * *

The house they pulled up at was surrounded by yellow police tape with a few policemen guarding the outside. It was a normal suburban house of white washed wood and even a white picket fence. There were a few children's toys strewn across the front yard.

"It's sad." Lauren's voice pulled Spencer from his inspection.

"What?" Spencer asked slightly confused by her meaning and slightly dazed as she looked up at him. She looked back to the front yard and gestured to the toys.

"A family ruined by the simple act of someone else." She actually sounded saddened at her words and it made him catch his breath to know how caring she was even for those she didn't know. Spencer had long ago learned to cut himself off from the victims as it only seemed to hinder him. Yet part of the reason he seemed so drawn to Lauren was her ability to care without her work being affected. It was a quality he had never really seen.

But again he had been swept up in his thoughts surrounding Detective Lewis that he hadn't noticed Morgan already entering the scene.

"We better help out." Lauren gave him a smile and she seemed to look at him a little longer than normal. Spencer felt a physical pull towards her but snapped out of it as she moved away.

"Uh, yes." He replied finally, shook his head to clear his thoughts and made his way into the house after them.

Inside, the place looked relatively normal and untouched. It was a typical family home with comfortable looking furniture and children's paraphernalia tucked into every corner and then lying in heaps over the floor. They continued on past the living room and up the stairs.

Spencer quickly saw where the murder had taken place. Blood seeped into the cream carpet just outside of the bedroom door. As he moved towards it he noticed Lauren hesitate. He studied her carefully, her eyes were wide and her skin paled. But she seemed to regain herself quite quickly before entering the room.

"It was pretty brutal." Morgan said as he looked over the blood splattered room.

"I thought JJ said he'd been smothered? Why so much blood?" Lauren asked. She stepped carefully between the numbered cones left by the police investigation team.

"They were tortured before being smothered." Spencer said, remembering what JJ had said.

"The unsub definitely wanted them to feel pain before he killed them." Morgan walked over to the bed which was flat and neatly made. "Nothing seems to be out of place."

"It's odd seeing as there's so much blood." Lauren said crouching down to look over the biggest blood stain. She stood up again and furrowed her brow. "The victims were big guys. It would have taken a lot to take someone like that down, surely?"

"You'd think so." Morgan replied.

"Unless it was unexpected." Spencer added. He could see nothing to suspect a struggle had occurred. "It would seem the likeliest possibility seeing as nothing here indicates a struggle."

"Doesn't look like there's much evidence left." Lauren sighed.

"They always slip up somewhere." Morgan said though Spencer noticed how Lauren didn't seem to believe him. Spencer tried to focus on the room. Although there was a lot of blood Lauren had been right. With nothing being moved or knocked over it was unlikely the unsub left any piece of physical evidence.

"Hey guys," Lauren said. "Look at this." Spencer moved towards her as she looked down at the edge of the bed. He was tall enough to see over her and looked down to where she was gazing. There was a white piece of paper under the bed. Lauren leaned down and picked it up with a gloved hand. It wasn't a piece of paper but a leaflet.

**Need a quick boost?**

**Tired of feeling exhausted after a work out?**

**Try EnerGo! our new Vitamin Supplement!**

**It****'****s****specially****formulated****to****provide****you****with****the****extra****energy**

**you need to survive the day after your work out. **

**Call our Team today to arrange a personal **

**consult with a Representative near you!**

"Extra energy after a work out?" Lauren scoffed. "It's either a work out or a normal day for me, not both." She laughed lightly making Spencer smile.

"Well if the victim had a personal consult, maybe we should see who he talked to."

"At least it's a start." Lauren replied to Morgan before moving to bag the evidence. "I'll see if anything similar came up at the other victim's crime scenes." Spencer watched her walk out of the room.

"You ok?" Morgan asked suddenly. Spencer looked at him confused.

"Yes, of course."

"You sure?" Morgan continued to look over the room whilst talking. "You seem a bit out of it." Spencer tensed a little. Frowning he began searching around the room not really paying attention.

"What do you mean?"

"Dunno, you just haven't seemed yourself for a while." Morgan didn't sound overly concerned but the care was obvious in his voice. Spencer didn't want to tell Morgan the truth. Not just because he felt a bit awkward about it, but also because of Lauren and him now being work partners. The whole situation could just get far too complicated and even more so if Morgan found out.

But luckily Lauren interrupted them before Spencer had to answer.

"Unfortunately it seems our victim was the only one with this leaflet. But," Lauren smiled seemingly proud of herself. "The others were all on the mailing list for this company." She pointed to the Booster Drugs Ltd logo emblazoned across the white paper.

"Good work." Morgan smiled. "Newbie." He laughed as Lauren made a mock frown. He slung an arm over her shoulders as they left the room making Spencer's shoulders tense.

* * *

As Lauren got outside Morgan let his arm slide from her shoulders. She turned back to look at the house. It was nestled between two sets of tall trees with neighbours either side and houses lining the road opposite.

"The trees may have blocked out any sounds made by the victim." She noticed. Trees always made good sound barriers.

"That's true." Spencer said looking to where she was. "Trees are often used as noise barriers to block exposed sites against traffic or building noise." There was a sudden bleeping sound and Morgan answered his cell phone and moved away.

Lauren was left with Spencer alone outside of the house. It was awkward. Lauren could feel an odd feeling between them and looked at the ground.

"So how-"

"I'm sorry for being so impolite earlier." Spencer said suddenly glancing to her out of the corner of his eye. "It was just a shock to see you here."

"I know." Lauren said a sudden surge of hope coursing through her sending excitement fluttering in her stomach. "But it was a good shock, right?" She added a small laugh trying to make the atmosphere less tense.

"Yes, of course." Spencer stumbled and Lauren smiled. It was nice to see him back to his old cute, uncomfortable self. He smiled down at her and she kept his gaze. Lauren's skin erupted into goosebumps even though it seemed warmer than before.

"I, uh, missed you…your insights I mean." Lauren said, though she looked away now.

"Same." Spencer added more calm than she had ever heard him. There was a moment when she thought she felt his fingers brush against hers but it was gone before she could fully feel it.

"Hotch wants us back." Morgan's voice boomed across the yard as he came back. Spencer said nothing and walked towards the SUV. Lauren did the same.

Back at the office the rest of the team were already there. Lauren had told them of her findings with the drugs company and everyone seemed pretty impressed by her first day. But when Hotch had told them to go home for the night Lauren was relieved. She was exhausted from the day not to mention she had gotten little sleep lately.

As she gathered up her bag the team said goodbye and again said how happy they were she was there. The one person who lingered was the one Lauren was happy to stay.

"It's been a hectic day." Lauren said to Spencer as she put out her stationary onto her newly assigned desk. It was one across and opposite from Spencer's giving her clear view of him. "I'm kinda glad it's over."

"You did well." He said packing up things into his satchel. "Everyone is really happy you're here." He seemed to be saying what he thought was the 'right' thing to say. But in all honesty, Lauren just wanted him to say what she wanted to hear. And it involved nothing to do with the job.

"Yeah I'm glad everyone wanted me after New York." She laughed a little to once again try to settle the odd tension between them. She watched him swing his satchel on his shoulder and move towards her. She swirled round in her office chair to look up at him.

"It's nice to see you again, Detective Lewis." Spencer said and Lauren felt he was being truly honest.

"I think Lauren is fine." She said suddenly nervous and having to fiddle with the pencil on her desk to distract herself. He leaned down slowly and Lauren's eyes widened. She almost broke the pencil as her grip tightened in anticipation. He continued to get closer and the room began to spin as Lauren's breath quickened.

"You should really have your keyboard closer." He said adjusting it so as it was nearer the edge of the desk. "It is better for your posture and will give you less pain if you sit at it for long periods of time." He smiled widely at her as he stood back up. "Goodbye," He hesitated. "Lauren."

And with that he left. Lauren's eyes were still wide and she stared at the space where Spencer had been stood. Finally the pencil slipped out of her hand and she let out the breath she had been holding. She almost laughed at herself for thinking he would really… She did laugh at the thought now.

"Something funny?" Hotch's stern voice echoed around the empty room. It was silent then except for the buzz of monitors.

"No, but you should really try to implement some kind of energy saving regime. Monitors left on overnight can really suck up energy."

"I will think about that." He said and moved to stand over her as she continued fiddling about on her desk, avoiding touching the keyboard. "Have you got a place rented out yet?"

"Uh, no." Lauren said running her fingers through her hair. "I know I said I had somewhere." She smiled sheepishly up at him. "But it kinda didn't go through." He frowned so she smiled. "But I have found a hotel not too far away."

"I'm glad you said that." He replied unexpectedly and sat on the edge of the desk. "You're coming to stay with me." Lauren flicked her gaze up to him in shock.

"What? No way, I couldn't-"

"It wasn't a request." Hotch said firmly with a look that said he definitely wasn't taking no for an answer. The expression softened and he sighed. "I would prefer you were somewhere close by during the settling in period at least. And Jack is excited to see you."

"Really?" Lauren grinned. "I bet he's big now." She recalled the last time she had seen Hotch's son. He was covered in an unidentifiable goop which he smeared all over her jeans as he hugged her. It was gross at the time, but now she remembered it fondly.

"Of course he is." Hotch gave a small smile. "Though he is staying with his Aunt tonight."

"Ok." Lauren agreed after a while. "My stuff is in my car, I didn't have time to make the hotel after the airport this morning anyway."


	19. Chapter 19

****A/N: Another chapter to make up for my awgul updating-ness :D- Please review****

Chapter Nineteen

'_It __is __much __easier __to __become __a __father __than __to __be __one.__' __-Kent __Nerburn_

_"What's wrong, Wendy?" The voice bounced off of the bare walls and made Lauren tense. Her finger nails cut into her palms as she crouched in the wardrobe too paralyzed by fear to even make a noise. "They won't hurt you anymore. You need to be protected." Again the voice eerily breezed down the unfamiliar hallway followed by a set of heavy footsteps._

_Lauren held her breath and listened. But it was gone. All the noises had stopped. It took a long while before Lauren began breathing again. With a sharp crack the door was suddenly ripped back. Shards of light pierced Lauren's eyes and she shielded herself from it._

_"Playing hide and seek?" The voice was shrill and Lauren screamed._

Lauren was still screaming as she woke up from her nightmare. She must have been screaming longer than she thought when her throat tightened from lack of moisture. She gripped her fingers in her matted hair and tried to breathe but the air wasn't getting to her lungs. This panicked her more as she desperately gulped at the air but it wasn't reaching her.

"Lauren!" Hotch's voice followed the loud slam of the door as he burst into the room. She looked up at him with wide, strained eyes. Tears ran down her hot cheeks and she still struggled for breath. Hotch was at her side in an instant, balancing on the edge of the bed next to her. His arms enveloped her into a tight hug. Lauren returned the gesture and pulled him closer, her fingers twisting tightly into the fabric of his shirt. "It's alright." Hotch said calmly.

Breath returned to Lauren but in ragged, sharp motions. She continued to cry for another ten minutes and Hotch just sat by her, his hands rubbing her back in the soothing way parents always know how to do. Gradually her breathing slowed and her shuddering stopped.

Lauren was happy to stay in Hotch's arms. It was safe and secure. She needed that right now. But she knew she shouldn't be selfish for it. She pulled away with effort keeping her gaze averted as embarrassment began to seep into her muddled head.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked a little at the apology. He looked at her with a concerned frown and she once again looked away. "It's so stupid."

"No, it's not." He said firmly. "I understand." And Lauren believed him. With everything he had been through he didn't need her problems mounting on his. Even though nightmares of Tina Mayson or whatever her name was had been plaguing Lauren since the attack. In fact the only time she had slept fully was when Spencer had stayed with her that one night. "Its why I asked you to stay." Hotch admitted.

Lauren looked at him surprised. "How did you even know?"

"Your Captain told me you had been looking exhausted and pushing yourself too hard." Hotch said looking at her. "He was worried. So was I." He placed a warm hand on her duvet covered knee.

"You shouldn't." Lauren was appalled with herself. "I can take care of myself and you don't need me taking up so much time when you have… things of your own to deal with." Lauren avoided mentioning his wife and looked away guiltily for even touching on the subject

"Don't worry." He said though even he sounded pained at the memory being brought up.

There was a comfortable silence as Hotch held Lauren again. She realised then that anyone would be able to tell Hotch was a great father.

"I told your mother once-" He said in almost a whisper and then stopped suddenly. Lauren pulled back waiting for him to finish. He didn't. Instead he stood up, looked down at her with a fatherly smile and tucked a curl behind her ear. "Good night, Lauren."

Lauren looked after him confused as he walked to door.

"Thank you, Hotch." She called after him suddenly. He paused for a moment. "For everything." He didn't turn back but she knew he'd heard her.

As Lauren tucked back down under her duvet she was grateful that Jack hadn't been there that night. She knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night. And then her thoughts wandered. She thought about anything she could to distract herself: bunnies, rainbows, ice cream, the usual things. That's when she wondered what Dr Spencer Reid was doing now. She guessed probably sleeping.

* * *

2:35am.

Spencer groaned at the blazing red digits on his clock. By this time every night he was asleep. But tonight he had struggled to even remain still let alone fall asleep. In frustration he pulled back the duvet and got up heading towards the small kitchen in his apartment.

The moon was bright and full tonight casting a silver glow over everything by the window. Spencer grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water. He took a sip and put it down heavily on the side, some of the liquid spilling onto his hand making him shiver.

Spencer realised he was gradually losing himself. Logic ruled him, not emotions. Emotions were…difficult. He was used to caring about people, he could do that. He cared about his team like they were his own family. In fact they were really the only family he had except his mother. But this was different than that. The fact it was keeping him awake at night was not normal, surely? He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair.

Lauren Lewis. Even her name sounded so right when he said it. But what was he supposed to do? He had realised some time ago that he cared for her deeply. But he shouldn't, he knew that, especially now. As a colleague it meant that any hope of…hope of what? What had he been hoping would happen between them? He groaned as his thoughts just resulted in more questions not answers. He wasn't used to this either. He was always the one with the answers yet how was he supposed to be that for others when he couldn't even answer his own? Another question.

Spencer gave up and strode back to his bed, climbing in and pulling the duvet tight over him. It was getting colder. Autumn would be here soon.

The next morning brought a little clarity to Spencer. It was a bright day, though the chill was still in the air. As he walked towards the FBI building he realised he hadn't even noticed that the leaves had begun to get a tinge of amber hues.

But with the beginning of a new season came a fresh start. Spencer had decided that Lauren was now a colleague, and that is exactly how he would act with her. He could do it with everyone else, why not her? He would not jeopardise anything on these strange and frankly quite useless feelings. They would pass with time. Everything did.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" The voice made his new attitude crumble within milliseconds. He turned to look at Lauren. She was stood next to him staring at the trees. He mouth went suddenly dry. When no response came she looked up and smiled at him. He simply smiled back, looking like a dumbstruck fool, but it was the only response he could give.

"Ready to go in?" Hotch asked as he came up beside Lauren. His gaze flicked between the pair and Spencer cleared his throat.

"Of course." He replied and quickly walked ahead of them.

* * *

"Here you go." Emily Prentiss placed a paper cup in front of Lauren as she sat down at her desk.

"Thank you." Lauren said smiling and removed the plastic lid to inspect the cream liquid inside.

"Tea with cream, no sugar." Emily said as she perched on the edge of her own desk. "I remember you spilling it over Reid on the plane." She gave a smile as Lauren winced at the embarrassing memory.

"Yeah, I'm not so good with first impressions." Lauren admitted and gave a small laugh.

"Well, you certainly made a good one on us." Emily replied and sipped at her own drink. Lauren looked at her tea and took a gulp. It was hot and burnt her tongue but it was exactly what she needed to wake her up.

"You look awful." Morgan said as he sat down heavily in his seat. Lauren glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You certainly know how to give a compliment." Lauren said and Morgan laughed. "But yeah, I know. No make up can cover these circles." She pointed to the dark shadows below her eyes.

"Hard time sleeping?" Emily asked as she began typing at her computer, very efficiently Lauren noticed.

"Just adjusting to a different city and things I guess." Lauren sipped at her tea hoping they wouldn't notice the lie. They didn't. Luckily Hotch walked towards them at that moment.

"So what do we know?" He asked flicking through some papers in the file he held.

"Well I took a close look at Booster Drugs Ltd. Nothing unusual. Huge health chain." Penelope chimed in. She was wearing a colourful palette yet again with a variety of just as brightly coloured accessories. "They sell health drugs, have a chain of gyms, do private consults and public seminars. No skeletons in the closet for them."

"Well, we checked the private consult and representative route." Morgan said.

"True," Emily said, leaning her elbows on her desk. "But Booster Drugs is the only link we have between these victims."

"Maybe we should take a closer look at who deals with the mailing lists?" Spencer suggested.

"Yeah, that would be an easy way to access personal information." Lauren added and then smiled at Spencer. She didn't know exactly why she did it but as he smiled back she was glad she had.

"Ok, Reid, Morgan and JJ follow that up." Hotch responded almost absent mindedly as continued to flick through his papers. Lauren was a little disappointed, in fact extremely disappointed not to be helping Spencer follow through on the idea. And not just because she had agreed with it.

"Booster Drugs Ltd has just opened up a new gym close to the victim's residences." Penelope said.

"Prentiss take Lauren with you and check it out." And just like that the team were busy once again. Lauren watched in amazement. Usually people at the police department barely functioned without at least three cups of caffeine fuelled drink in them. And that included herself. She sighed as she stood up, even the small action exhausting her body.

The SUV was comfy and Lauren could have easily fallen asleep.

"It gets better." Emily said glancing to her. Lauren looked at her confused. "Getting used to a new job and city. It will be natural soon."

Lauren smiled. "I hope so. I never did get used to New York after England." She admitted. The passing scenery was still so different than New York it made her feel out of place. "Though being welcomed into the team as well as I have been has helped me settle already."

A few minutes of silence passed as Emily mazed her way down a couple of narrow streets. But finally the street widened to a busy high street and the gym came into sight.

It was hard to miss the gym. It was a large glass construction with 'BOOSTER GYM: BOOSTING YOUR POTENTIAL' emblazoned all over it.

"Hmm, very tasteful." Lauren commented making Emily laugh. The inside was open and airy though the faint smell of body odour still stained the air.

"Welcome to Booster Gym." A cheerful voice sounded suddenly. "Well, I can't see that we can do much with you." The man grinned widely at Emily before turning to Lauren who smiled back. "But your friend, we have a few programmes we could provide for you." Lauren's smile faded quickly and she almost scowled at the man.

"Um, no." Emily said obviously trying to stifle a laugh. "We're with the FBI." Emily flashed her badge and the man's eyes widened and he seemed to almost tense.

"And how can I help you?" He asked, with a little less enthusiasm.

"Well, uh, Paul." Lauren said as she looked at his name badge. "We were wondering if you've ever seen any of these men?" She pulled out the photos of the victims. He calmed and looked at each picture carefully, then looked up with a smile.

"I'm afraid not. But I only work here one day a week. Maybe you could try our reception. Please excuse me." He then wandered off, obviously about to insult another potential customer.

Lauren and Emily made their way over to the front desk. Emily explained the situation and gave the names of the victims so as the girl could check. As they waited Lauren looked over the signs. There were many introductory offers and discounts for loyal customers.

"So, you want to sign up?" Emily asked smiling widely.

"That's not funny." Lauren gave a joking frown. She usually wasn't self conscious but she pulled her jacket a little tighter around herself.

"It looks like all three men signed up for the introductory discount after having a private consult at their homes."

"Private consult?" Emily asked confused. "But when we asked we were told they had had nothing like that."

"Looks like someone most have accidentally deleted the computer records." The receptionist answered politely. "But it's down on their manual applications here." She handed the forms to Emily.

"Thanks." She replied and scanned the papers.

"Accidently, huh?" Lauren said sceptically.

"Damn." Emily sighed. "Doesn't say who gave them the consult." Lauren bit her lip trying to think.

It wasn't until they were driving back to headquarters that Lauren came up with an idea. She quickly searched for her phone and pulled it out and groaned.

"Do you have the number for Penelope?" Lauren asked sheepishly. Emily looked at her with raised eyebrows before handing her phone to use. "Thanks." She smiled whilst waiting for an answer.

* * *

"Hi." Morgan said getting out his FBI badge and flashing it at the front desk. Spencer stood a little behind him looking over the rather dreary administration office. "We're looking for some information about your mailing lists."

"Oh." The woman answered in a nasal tone that seemed to be expected of anyone in that type of position. "You want Giles. He's in the office at the back." She said all this whilst looking at her computer.

"Thanks." Morgan said sarcastically but it was only met with a grunt from the woman.

"This seems like a friendly place." JJ commented as they headed down the narrow aisle between cubicles.

"Actually, the type of person this kind of occupation usually attracts are…" He let his words trail as he realised JJ and Morgan were both uninterested in his fact. Lauren would have been interested. He sighed inwardly and followed Morgan.

The 'office at the back' was more like a closet without windows. JJ shrugged and knocked on the door. There was a sudden sound of shuffling and then the door clicked open.

Spencer and the rest were met with a frown. They knew they had the right person as the name 'Giles Morter' was etched into the door.

"Yes?" He asked impatiently, balancing a pencil behind his ear. Giles was a short, podgy man with barely enough hair to cover the top of his head. But his face looked relatively young if stressed.

"Giles?" Morgan asked. "We're from the FBI. We wanted to have a few words about the mailing list." Giles let out the loudest, exasperated sigh Spencer had ever heard.

"Fine, you'd better come in." He left the door open for them.


	20. Chapter 20

****A/N- Ok, I know that the case side of things is lacking. It's not exactly the murder mystery they have on tv. **

**I will try and make the next case much more interesting! This case is kind of an easy one for the team to get Lauren used to things :) Please review! ****

Chapter Twenty

'_The __moments __of __happiness __we __enjoy __take __us __by __surprise._

_It __is __not __that __we __seize __them, __but __that __they __seize __us.__'__-__Ashley __Montagu_

"The unsub has to be someone who the victim's feel is no threat." Rossi said. The team sat around the round table concentrating on the profile of the unsub. When Lauren and Emily had returned to the office they had been informed about a new victim. He looked, once again, very similar to the other victims and had been killed in his home.

"So he's either someone of weak, physical presence or someone the victims felt they could connect with." Morgan said looking at the table in thought. "But to take down someone of that size wouldn't be easy."

"Unless they weren't expecting it." Rossi said.

"And smothering someone is a very personal way of killing someone. The unsub must be taking out his rage on these people. Maybe a representative of someone in his past?" Emily put forward. Lauren glanced around the room thinking of something she could add but coming up blank. She was much better at putting pieces of evidence together than analysing the mind of a psycho.

"He's probably young." Spencer said leaning forward. "Generally murderers of this type are."

"Well, if they were given a private consultation then that would be the easiest way to gain access to a stranger's home." Hotch added. "The unsub would be viewed as a guest rather than a threat. Did you manage to find anything at the gym?"

"The victims all had private consultations where the records were 'accidently deleted'." Emily said, repeating the receptionist's words. "It means we can't track who actually did the consult."

"Actually, that's where Lauren had an idea." Penelope said smiling at Lauren as she entered the room. Lauren gave a smile back. Finally she was helping rather than just sitting in silence looking useless as she had been for the past few hours.

"Did you come up with something?" Hotch asked, looking between Lauren and Penelope.

"Well," Lauren began. "Whenever anyone does consults to sign people up for any kind of business they are given commission, right?" She waited for a response but got confused looks from the rest of the team.

"What Lauren is trying to say," Penelope smiled. "Is that she called me to let me know to look into the staff at Booster Drugs and who got commission for signing up the victims."

"Clever." Rossi complimented and Lauren felt a small swell of pride.

"So who was it?" Lauren asked with anticipation.

"Oh," She said and looked down at her pad. "Someone called Lucas Sharpe."

"Lucas Sharpe?" It was now JJ's voice that entered the conversation.

"Yeah, you know him?" Penelope asked.

"He worked at the administration office." JJ said. "I remember seeing his name tag on one of the cubicles."

"But why would he want to kill them?" Lauren asked.

"He's recently gone through a divorce." Penelope ventured. "His wife left him with two children." She sounded saddened at the situation.

"Could be the stresser." Emily commented.

"He's 25, but he hasn't got a history of violence. Nothing in fact. Not even a parking ticket." Penelope sat down with a sigh.

"We should talk to him." Hotch said. "But for now we should probably head home." Lauren glanced up at the clock and was surprised to see it was 8:30pm. She hadn't even noticed the time pass by.

The rest of the team got up ready to go and Lauren was about to do the same before Morgan leaned over towards her.

"So, you wanna go out?"

"What?" Lauren almost burst. She stared at him with wide, surprised eyes. He laughed.

"You took us out on the town in New York. I thought we could return the favour." He smiled widely and Lauren let out a small breath.

"That would be really nice." She was exhausted, but a night out sounded too tempting to pass up.

The bar on the main high street had not been what Lauren had expected. For some reason she got the impression that everywhere in Quantico was quiet and timid. Especially after living in New York. But the bar was huge, bright and very, very loud. Luckily the team managed to find a quieter table after squeezing past a thick crowd of people. It was surrounded by comfy chairs and Lauren settled into one of them with a tired body.

Derek was the first to get the drinks leaving the rest of the team to settle.

"So, are you enjoying it?" Emily shouted to Lauren.

"I am." She replied. "It's been very exciting so far. Though should I be excited about catching murderers?" The team laughed and after that the conversations didn't stop.

* * *

Spencer hadn't been able to take his eyes off of Lauren all night. She lit up as soon as they got into the bar and he couldn't believe she had so much enthusiasm. It put a smile on his face that he couldn't wipe off.

The night had gone a lot quicker than Spencer had hoped it would and before he knew it everyone was getting up to leave.

"Ugh," Lauren groaned. "Hotch is gonna kill me, look at the time!" She sighed heavily and pulled on her jacket.

"I'm gonna catch a cab with Emily, see you guys bright and early." Derek winked and gave a final flashy smile before leaving with Emily.

"Well, I better not drive either. Though at least I can stand on my own this time." Lauren laughed, referring to the last time they'd gone to a bar. "I'll wait for a cab outside."

"You can't wait by yourself." Spencer said more protectively than he'd meant to it even surprised him.

"I'll be fine." Lauren said with a smile. It was now just him and her in the bar after Emily and Derek left. Hotch hadn't come and Rossi and JJ had left some time ago.

"I'll wait with you."

"Don't be silly." She said to Spencer's suggestion. But then looked through the bar windows at the dark street outside. "Only if you're sure." Spencer beamed a smile so much he thought he was glowing.

* * *

"This is really nice of you, thank you." Lauren said gratefully as Spencer stood next to her in search of a cab.

"It's my pleasure." He said and Lauren was about to say how much it was her pleasure to, but managed to stop herself.

A few moments passed and Lauren yawned loudly. "Still not sleeping well?" Spencer asked sounding concerned.

"No." Lauren said quickly and glanced up to him. And then, out of the blue she began crying. She tried to quickly mop up the tears with the sleeve of her jacket but it wasn't enough to hide it. She looked at Spencer who looked confused, worried and scared all at the same time. She laughed at the odd expression. "Sorry. I'm just so exhausted."

"It's not just about moving to a new city?" Spencer guessed. Lauren looked to him and couldn't help herself. She told him everything. Her explanation about the nightmares and not sleeping were accompanied by another barrage of hot tears.

"So that's about everything." Lauren finished feeling relieved yet foolish. "I know I sound so stupid." Her breath was ragged but she tried to smile. "I just can't seem to function without any sleep. And the only time I got that was when you stayed with me." Lauren's eyes widened. She hadn't meant to say that part.

Spencer had stayed quiet the entire time and finally Lauren looked to him. She stood, looking up at him and wishing she could take back everything she had just let out. She must have sounded crazy, and now what would he think of her? He seemed to be evaluating everything she said but finally he moved. His hand came up to her face and his thumb wiped away the last stray tear that fell from her eyes. But his hand stayed on her cheek, his fingers cupping the side of her face.

Lauren's heart was going a mile a minute, she could barely concentrate on anything but the feeling of his skin against hers.

* * *

Spencer had no idea what he was doing but was for once just following what he wanted to do instead of what was more logical. He liked what his instincts were telling him to do. Lauren had been so vulnerable and it crushed him just as badly as when he'd seen her after the attack. He couldn't bear to see her that way and his hand had moved before he'd had a chance to stop it. And now he couldn't move it. He didn't want to.

Lauren made the next move, her hands raising up to rest on his chest. They were cold and he felt it through his shirt making him shiver. She was waiting, he could see it in her wide, anticipating gaze. He realised he wasn't breathing. He didn't think he could. He'd never been so overcome with emotion it was frightening.

"Don't think." Lauren said in barely a whisper. She tip toed her face centimetres from his own. His mind whirled with memories of the last time they were this close. Missed opportunities. He wasn't going to miss this one. Not now he knew she returned every unusual yet empowering feeling. He leant his head to hers, his fingers running through her hair. Their lips brushed in the lightest touch and sent shock waves through Spencer.

"You want a cab, lady, or what?" Lauren pulled back suddenly and Spencer almost lost his balance.

"What?" Lauren's irritated, angry tone pretty much summed up how Spencer felt. The driver gestured to his vehicle and Spencer heard Lauren sigh. It took all his willpower not to grab her and ask her not get in that car. He knew she was waiting once again. Waiting for him to stop her. But this time he couldn't.

"Good night." He said and felt such a loathing for himself.

"Yeah." She replied in a disappointed tone. "Good night, Spencer." She gave a half hearted smile before gracefully getting into the cab.

With one last look she was gone. Spencer watched the cab until it had fully disappeared out of sight, and even then he still stood there. He'd never felt worse.

* * *

Lauren sat at the back of the cab her fingers fiddling with her sleeves. Spencer's face played in her mind, the fraction of a second his lips touched hers. She put her fingers on her bottom lip trying to savour the feeling. But it was so quick that it had gone before her brain had chance to comprehend it.

If she thought she was emotional before, now she was a unexploded bomb of feelings: lust, regret, annoyance, desire, want, caring, love and finally frustration. Complete and utter frustration. Why hadn't he just stopped her getting into the car? She groaned loudly making the cab driver look to her in his rear view mirror.

As the cab stopped outside Hotch's apartment building she sighed heavily letting out the last of her annoyance. The simple truth was that he'd almost kissed her. Spencer liked her. He wouldn't have done it unless he did. And that realisation was enough to make Lauren's face light up in a smile she couldn't get rid of.

That night Lauren slept.


	21. Chapter 21

****A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter. All comments are very appreciated.****

Chapter Twenty One

'_Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. _

_But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious…' - Michael Stipe_

"They're delicious, Aunty Lauren." Jack said through a mouthful of pancake. Lauren smiled warmly at him. He had grown so big since the last time she saw him. He was going to be so much like Hotch, in appearance and personality. Though she was glad he wasn't so against showing his emotions like his father.

"Lauren, what are you doing?" Hotch asked in a tired, confused voice. He still looked half asleep even though it was eight in the morning.

"Good morning." Lauren chimed, the smile she had gone to sleep with still on her face.

"Aunty Lauren made pancakes." Jack prodded a finger into the small stack of pancakes.

"So I can see." Hotch said as he tentatively sat down at the kitchen table.

"Well," Lauren said as she sat next to him. "Dig in. I hear breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Yeah, they're _lush_." Jack said with a laugh, looking at Lauren as if he'd just made some kind of inside joke.

"Lush?" Hotch asked as he forked a pancake onto the plate Lauren had set out.

"English word for really, really nice." Lauren smiled back at Jack. Hotch nodded in understanding.

The rest of breakfast was amazingly relaxed. The most laid back morning Lauren had had in quite some time. For some reason having breakfast with Hotch and Jack felt like she had family. It was a nice feeling. Hotch was surprisingly open with Jack. Smiling and joking with him, it was nice to see him so…natural. She suddenly selfishly wished he had that kind of relationship with her.

"You've done really well with him." Lauren commented about Jack as they pulled into the FBI building's car park after dropping Jack at school.

"I hope so." Hotch said seriously and Lauren realised laid back morning Hotch had dissipated into serious, hard working Hotch. "You seem more awake today."

"I will take that as a compliment." Lauren smiled but didn't get one back in response. "I managed to sleep last night."

"When you eventually got home." Hotch snapped. Lauren looked at him surprised.

"I'm sorry I got back so late, I tried to be quiet. I didn't think I woke Jack up."

"No, but I was up." Hotch said. "I was worried." He kept his gaze fixated on the elevator doors as they got in. She thought he might burn holes through the metal.

"Um, sorry?" Lauren said unsure. "I didn't think I needed permission to go out." She laughed jokingly but it obviously wasn't a joking matter as Hotch's brows knotted in annoyance. Lauren suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt. And she didn't even know why! He wasn't her keeper, she hadn't broken any laws. She was a fully grown woman who could handle herself. Though she kept all of this inside too scared to say anything else for fear of being scolded further.

As the elevator doors opened Lauren was thankful to be out of the confined space. The tension in the air in the elevator was about to suffocate her.

"I'm going to get a drink, would you like anything?" Lauren asked but Hotch just shook his head. She quickly dropped her stuff by her desk and practically ran to the vending machine. She felt silly for feeling like such a child. She really had done nothing wrong. But her concerns quickly vanished as the elevator _pinged_ and Derek and Spencer stepped out.

* * *

"Feeling better today?" Morgan asked as Spencer managed to catch the elevator. Spencer was in fact feeling better than anytime in his life. But he wasn't going to say that, he felt like he shouldn't admit things like that to Morgan. He was much more a male figure and Spencer really wanted to emulate him in some ways.

"I'm feeling good." He gave a quick smile and the pair spent a moment in silence as the elevator lurched into motion.

Spencer thought he was going to burst. He looked at Morgan and then back at the elevator doors. Memories of Lauren's lips briefly against his, the cold of her hands making him shiver, how he'd felt. It was excruciating to have to hold it in and not just spill it all to the first person he'd seen. But he was still unsure of what to do next. He frowned at the thought.

What would happen if they started something? How would the others react? Would the FBI allow it? Not once did he think that Lauren didn't feel the way he did. Not anymore. Although Spencer had practically no experience in this department, he was pretty certain that she cared for him. It was pretty obvious even to someone like him. That thought replaced his frown with a grin.

The doors opened and the instant chatter and general sounds of the office brought Spencer back from his daydreaming. But he didn't need to use his memories anymore as his gaze darted over the space to find Lauren stood at the vending machine. He smiled as she did, the mere fact that he'd made her happy made it feel like he could tackle anything that day.

"Good morning." Lauren said in such a chiming voice that Spencer thought it was what diamonds would sound like.

"Morning." He replied, wrapping his fingers around the strap if his satchel to help with his sudden flutter of nerves. He watched as Lauren looked down and then back up to him, her long eyelashes framing her sparkling eyes. That's when he noticed how awake she looked. "Did you manage to sleep?"

She gave a light laugh making Spencer's heart skip a beat.

"I did." She smiled up at him. "I think I should thank you for that." Spencer tensed as her hand brushed his arm in a grateful gesture. Spencer ran his fingers through his hair. He had to in order to stop them from catching her hand as she pulled it away.

"Lauren." Hotch's voice seemed unusually stern and it brought Spencer straight out of his dream like state. He gave Spencer an inspecting look before turning to Lauren. "You're not going to be on the case today."

"What?" Lauren frowned.

"You have to have an assessment."

"Ugh." Lauren groaned and rolled her eyes. Spencer couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked even when annoyed. He knew he'd never win an argument against her just because of that fact alone. "Fine." She sighed, as though she had a choice in the matter.

"This is D-"

"Dan?" Lauren asked suddenly. "Dan!" She screeched in recognition, making even Hotch stand back a little from the high pitch.

"What a lovely greeting." Spencer whipped his head around to look at the where the rather deep voice had come from. 'Dan' was tall with olive skin and dark, short hair. He walked towards the group with a confident stride and a white toothed grin. He was also apparently good looking as most of the females in the office had stopped to watch him pass with a longing look.

* * *

Lauren could barely believe her eyes. In fact she blinked a few times just to make sure.

"What are you doing here?" Lauren asked as she stepped towards the bulk of muscle that was Dan and threw her arms around him. It wasn't the most professional greeting but she didn't care. She hadn't seen him in years and she missed him. Even as she felt him hug her back she realised just how much of a hole he'd left in her life.

"He's here to assess you." Hotch said, his irritation not even remotely hidden.

"Really?" She asked as she pulled out of the embrace.

"Yeah, really." Dan said his hands still clutching her arms.

"You know each other?" Spencer asked suddenly. Lauren pulled Dan's hand's from her arms and clasped them in her own.

"For years." She said with enthusiasm she couldn't contain. Dan had been her closest friend from England. He was American, but his family worked a lot over seas. They had met at school and for many years were inseparable, he'd even helped with her move to New York.

"We'll leave you to it." Hotch said striding away. Lauren bit her lip, he was obviously still annoyed, she guessed this hadn't helped. Spencer seemed hesitant to leave but eventually he followed Hotch. Lauren almost went after him. She'd been practicing what she'd planned to say to him all morning. But he was gone before she could say another word.

"Well then, young lady. How about a coffee first?" Dan asked.

"Sure," Lauren said, a little disappointed at her missed opportunity to talk to Spencer. But she lit up again at the thought of catching up with Dan. "But not from here." She gestured to the vending machine. "We'll get one in the kitchen."

Lauren laughed louder than she had in, well, since the last time she'd seen Dan. It was the kind of time that you couldn't help but properly laugh. It hurt your sides and stomach to do it but it hurt even more to try and contain it. But after Dan's many anecdotes about his new job she couldn't help herself.

As they both finally managed to compose themselves Lauren wiped away the tears the laughter had caused.

"I'm going to get fired for making so much noise." She joked, remnants of laughter spilling into her words.

"Not unless I give you a bad review." Dan said with a smug grin. Lauren rolled her eyes.

The only way Lauren could describe Dan was every woman's dream. He was tall, very well built with chiselled features that rivalled the old Greek statues. His eyes were a piercing light green that contrasted with his olive skin and dark brown hair. A man who could make you laugh summed up his personality pretty well, along with romantic, passionate and understanding. It was a shame he was gay. Lauren always thought it was a major disadvantage to woman kind.

"So I've heard everything about your professional life. What's up on the personal side?" Dan asked as he sipped at his drink and grimaced. "Ugh, cold coffee." He poured the dark liquid away.

"Huh?" Lauren said and glanced at the clock. "Crap, we've been talking for ages!" She said worriedly. Hotch would kill her if he knew how long they'd been avoiding any type of work.

"It's fine." Dan waved his hands dismissively at her concern. "But you didn't answer my question."

Lauren smiled widely. "Oh Dan." She said. "I've met the most incredible guy." Dan leant towards her as Lauren sat on the edge of the counter top. She explained everything about Spencer, from their meeting in New York to their close encounter the previous night.

"Well you do sound pretty infatuated." Dan laughed.

"I know, it's awful isn't it?" Lauren bit her lip nervously.

"Of course not." Dan smiled. "It's time you met someone. Especially someone you like this much."

"I know, it's just," Lauren paused. "I don't know what to say to him next."

"What do you mean?" Dan said pouring himself another cup of coffee, steam indicating it was actually hot this time.

"After last night, I am certain he feels the way I do. But what can I say to him?" Lauren fiddled with the edge of her shirt. Dan sighed.

"You're a complete dunce sometimes."

"Hey," Lauren defended herself. "I haven't had as much experience with chat up lines as you." Dan raised an eyebrow at her and they both laughed.

"Look." Dan said putting down his coffee and taking her hands. "Try it on me. Pretend I'm your Spencer." He grinned.

"I can't." Lauren groaned. "It's not the same."

"Sure it is. Just say whatever you feel, don't think about it." Dan said. "I'll tell you if you sound stupid."

Lauren thought about it. "Ok." She finally said. "But no laughing." Dan held up three fingers in a scout's honor, but Lauren wasn't so sure.

* * *

"At least we have a profile now." JJ said. "I'll contact the local police and let them know what we've come up with." She got up and left quickly, looking over her notes.

"I think we could all use a break." Rossi said, standing from his chair and stretching slightly. Spencer blinked his eyes a few times. They were strained from staring at the papers in front of him. He was thankful for a moment to think about something else other than murder. Normally his job was all consuming, but since he met Lauren he'd had other things to distract his mind.

Spencer stood up and pushed in his chair neatly before leaving the room. His throat was dry and he was a little more than due a kick of caffeine. He mazed his way through the cubicles and busy personnel and was about to round the corner to the kitchen when he heard Lauren's voice. He paused and smiled. But his smile slowly began to fade as he listened to her words.

"There's no way to get around just saying what I feel." Lauren began and Spencer furrowed his brow. "We just seem to connect. I know we seem so different, and you may have reservations about us. But I think we could work. I really do."

Spencer was holding his breath as he peered around the corner to see Dan clasping Lauren's hands in his own. She looked seriously up at Dan who was smiling back to her.

"The simple fact of the matter is that I love you." Spencer's heart felt like it dropped so deep it had fallen into his stomach and both were being twisted cruelly. He pulled back from the doorway and stared at it for a moment. He knew he didn't want to hear anymore, but still he couldn't move. It was as if he needed to hear it to confirm what was really happening.

"Love?" Dan's voice asked in surprise.

"Oh my god." Lauren said in just as much shock. "Yes. Love. Oh my god." She repeated in joy making Spencer try to swallow down the stinging pain in his chest. "I've never felt this way before. I thought it was just affection, but now I know it's really love." Lauren was still elated, her happy tone acting like a new layer on Spencer's new pain. "If you hadn't come, Dan, I never would have admitted this."

That was enough. Lauren loved Dan. It was over.

Spencer didn't realise he'd walked away so quickly, or even that he'd gotten into the elevator. He guessed his body was acting on instinct. He was glad it was, he needed to get away.

* * *

Lauren practically threw herself into Dan's hug. She couldn't believe what she'd just said. She'd done as Dan had asked, just talked without thinking. And she'd said the 'L' word. She'd never used it before. There had been a few men in her life, but none she'd ever connected with. Now she knew Spencer was different.

"I'm really happy for you." Dan said. "You just better hope he feels the same."

"I'm pretty sure he does." Lauren said as she pulled back from Dan. "He seemed pretty on my wave length last night." She smiled at the memory.

Dan sighed heavily. "Well now we've done the fun part, we really should do the work stuff."

"Oh." Lauren said in a heavy voice. "I forgot about actual work." Dan laughed, threw an arm around her shoulders and led her to the empty office they'd been assigned to use.


	22. Chapter 22

****A/N: Bit of a longer chapter this one. Hope you enjoy it :) Reviews and comments always appreciated.****

Chapter Twenty Two

'_When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed._

_But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.' - Audre Lorde_

"Spence?" JJ, usually a welcome person in Spencer's life, was not who Spencer wanted to see right now. In fact, he didn't want to see anyone. In an attempt to cover the whirlwind of emotion and destructive thoughts he took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes clear.

"Yeah?" He asked as he turned to look at JJ. She examined him for a moment before stepping closer to him.

"Are you ok?" She asked. "You left suddenly."

"I'm fine." He snapped though he hadn't meant to.

"...Ok." JJ replied with raised eyebrows, apparently confused by his sharp tone. "Are you coming back up?"

"In a minute." He did his best to end his words with a smile, but realised how pained it must have looked as JJ's sudden frown deepened. She stood for a moment and Spencer could see she was unsure whether to press further or just leave. He was thankful when she turned and left.

It wasn't the prettiest scenery outside the FBI building but it was quiet. And Spencer didn't want to hear anything. His ears still stung from the words he'd just heard. How could he have been so stupid? He wanted to laugh at himself to actually think that she would feel anything for him. But then why did she almost kiss him? He frowned. It was probably pity. She most likely didn't want him to feel embarrassed so just went along with it.

Spencer shoved his hands in his pockets and closed his eyes. He wanted to cry. He wasn't so sure that he would be able to stop if he started. So instead he took deep breaths and concentrated on anything other than what had just happened. But the mind can be cruel, Spencer knew this. And instead of focusing on the choir of bird song or the drone of traffic his head replayed the words over and over.

"_The simple fact of the matter is that I love you." _

It was so unfair. This wasn't supposed to be how it went! His eyes snapped open and he clenched his fists to stop the tears. He'd been so set after seeing her this morning. He hadn't cared what others thought or what the FBI would do. He just wanted to be with her, no matter the consequences. He needed it.

But now what? He was left with nothing but a horrible empty feeling and a deep ache in his stomach he thought would never end.

And what did Dan have that he didn't? Spencer almost laughed at the thought. Dan was everything Spencer wasn't. Lauren deserved someone like him. He sighed heavily as he realised he couldn't put it off any longer. He'd have to go back upstairs. Work was once again going to have to be his only solace and he would use every ounce of his being to be as happy for Lauren as he should be.

* * *

Lauren and Dan had spent so much time talking that they'd only had a chance to fill out two forms before it was time for him to go.

"Don't worry." He said as he picked up his briefcase. "I'll be back. We didn't even get to the evaluation part." Lauren smiled as he laughed. She hugged him for the third time that day and had a hard time letting go. She didn't want him to leave again, it was nice to have someone to finally talk to.

"See you around." She said as he left.

"Wow." Emily said as she walked up beside Lauren, her eyes following Dan.

"I second that." Penelope added as she came up the other side of Lauren. All three women watched Dan get into the elevator. "He's just…yum."

"Yeah, his boyfriend thinks so too." Lauren said which caused a regretful sigh from both women.

"That's a shame." Emily commented as she sat at her desk. Lauren sat at her own unsure of what to do next.

"Did you figure much out today?" Lauren asked, keen to get back into the case.

"We finished the profile. JJ sent it to the local police this morning." Derek said overhearing their conversation. "And we interviewed Lucas Sharpe."

"Get anything interesting out of him?"

"He only finalised the paperwork and got half the commission if he left the original employee's name out of it. Someone called…" Emily looked down at her notepad. "Greg Forsyte."

"Why was he splitting the commission?" Lauren asked.

"Apparently Greg was only supposed to be working gyms, not signing people up." Derek said leaning back in his chair.

"That seems…rather odd." Lauren couldn't imagine doing something that out of her job description. Not that she actually had a job description yet.

"Exactly." Derek said. "That's why I'm going to see Greg. Nobody's that keen to get ahead that they'd take on that much extra work."

"I'll go with you-"

"No." Hotch interrupted Lauren. "You're not on any case until after the evaluation." Lauren raised her eyebrows at him but he gave her a stern 'no arguments' look. She decided after that morning's reprimand she could forgo having another telling off by Hotch.

"Take Rossi with you." Derek nodded at Hotch's instructions. Lauren watched them go. She secretly hoped they hadn't got very far on the case, she didn't like being left out.

"Lauren." Hotch gestured for her and she followed him to his office. "You have to go to the firing range and retake your test."

"What?" She blurted. "I only took it a few months ago."

"This new position means you will have to repeat a few tests." He shuffled through a pile of folders whilst talking to her. It irritated Lauren that he wouldn't focus on a conversation if he had something else to distract him. She gritted her teeth to avoid getting flustered.

"Alright." She said. "Where have I got to go?"

"Reid is waiting to take you." He said, his gaze now on the monitor of his computer.

"Ok." She said quickly hoping he wouldn't notice her sudden enthusiasm. She'd been excited to see Spencer since her conversation with Dan. Lauren turned to leave.

"Lauren." She stopped and looked over her shoulder to Hotch. "I'm glad you're feeling better." He was still looking at his screen but she could tell he wasn't focusing on it. She smiled, suddenly realising she shouldn't be annoyed that he had been upset with her coming home late. She should be grateful to have someone waiting for her.

In a few strides she was next to him, her arms around his neck.

"Thank you for worrying." She whispered. For a moment his fingers clasped her arms in what she guessed was his return of the embrace. She let go and left without looking back to him.

* * *

Spencer paced outside the door to the BAU office. He had his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the ground and his thoughts on anything but Lauren. Hotch had asked him to 'accompany' Lauren to the arms test. What he'd specified after this was to actually supervise but not to tell Lauren he'd said that.

How was he supposed to do this? He couldn't even think of Lauren without his chest tightening and the ache in the pit of his stomach flaring.

"Spencer." Lauren called as she walked through the glass doors. Her smile was bright and her eyes sparkled brighter. She was beautiful. Spencer had to catch his breath for a moment before the pain in his chest reminded him that she was now out of reach to him.

"Hi." He said simply not daring to say anymore in case he revealed what he was really feeling. He was determined to be happy for her, he wanted so desperately for her to be happy. Even if meant it wasn't with him.

"You ok?" She asked with the smile still curving her lips. "You're gonna wear a strip out of the carpet." She joked and Spencer stopped pacing.

"I'm fine." He lied for the second time that day. He was going to have to become convincing at saying it. "The test area is this way." He gestured down the hallway and began leading the way.

"Um, before we go, I want to talk to you about something." Lauren's hand clutched his arm and he stared at it for a long moment.

"Really?" He said in a higher pitch than he'd meant to. It caused her to laugh softly and it broke Spencer's heart all over again.

"There's something I need to tell you." She let her hand drop from his arm and Spencer really wished she hadn't. "But not here. Can we meet up later?"

"I, uh," Spencer stuttered. He could guess what she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him about Dan and her feelings for him. Maybe let Spencer down gently. He wasn't sure he could bear it, to hear it all over again. "I can't." He spluttered finally.

"Oh." Lauren said, her bright expression fading. "Maybe tomorrow?" She ventured.

"I have a lot of paperwork backed up." He tried to smile. "I think I'm going to be busy for a while." Again he attempted a smile and hoped he pulled it off. Lauren looked unbelievably sad, almost heartbroken. It was a mirror image of Spencer's expression. "We should get going."

"Yeah." Lauren said quietly. She trailed behind him as they made their way to the firing range.

* * *

Lauren heard the muffled _bang _through her thick head phones as she let off a round from the gun. The recoil pushed into her hand but she was used to the feeling. She let off another one. And another. It didn't help to make her feel any better.

Arms tests took concentration but Lauren couldn't focus. Had Spencer been blowing her off? He seemed to make it pretty clear that he didn't want to spend anytime with her. Maybe he regretted the kiss? Had she imagined something between them that wasn't there? Lauren let off another round and it skimmed the edge of the paper target. She winced at the bad accuracy and settled down to focus properly.

"Five more shots only, Miss Lewis." The examiner warned. Lauren took a deep breath and let off three rounds in quick succession. Two hit near the bulls eye and the other just to the side. The examiner seemed happier with this attempt.

After the test Lauren had been informed that she'd passed. She was given back her gun and holster. She replaced them on her belt. It had felt unusual not to have them at her side. It was like some sort of comfort blanket to have them beside her.

Spencer and Lauren walked back down the hallway in silence. He had watched the test from the spectator area.

"That went well." Lauren said hoping to fill the strange silence that had settled over them.

"Yes." He replied without looking to her. "You did very well."

"Thanks." It had come out more sarcastic than she'd meant it to. But he didn't even flinch at her odd tone. Lauren sighed and kept pace with him until they reached the office. Lauren went through the doors first only to be greeted by Derek.

"How'd it go?" He asked.

Lauren smiled. "I passed." Derek grinned and put an arm around her shoulders. Spencer walked away with his head down, his hair flopping into his eyes.

"You know, I'd thought you'd be a little happier?"

"Oh." Lauren gave a short laugh. "Sorry. I am happy." Lauren gave an exaggerated smile. "See?" She said through clenched teeth. Derek laughed aloud again.

"You coming out tonight? We're heading down to the bar again" Emily asked as she began packing up her things.

"Um, no, I think I'm just gonna head back." Lauren pulled herself out from under Derek's arm. "Been a surprisingly exhausting day." The team seemed to believe this as they didn't push it any further.

Lauren had been one of the first to leave. Hotch had been tied up in a meeting so she knew she'd have to take the bus. It wasn't an exciting prospect but it was the only way she could get back.

The bus stop wasn't far from the building and Lauren perched on one the slanted seats. The weather had been undecided that day. It had been bright and crisp in the morning but now the wind had sprung up and there was a hint of moisture in the air. Lauren pulled her summer jacket round herself and shivered.

A few uneventful minutes passed when a blue, clunky old car pulled up at the bus stop. Lauren peered through the window only to find Spencer looking back at her.

"Spencer?" She asked, unsure for a moment if it really was him or if she was just that desperate.

"Why are you waiting here?" He asked loudly over the sound of the engine.

"Hotch is stuck in a meeting so I can't get a ride." She pulled her bag back over her shoulder as it slipped off her arm from leaning forward. She watched as Spencer seemed to think over something very difficult.

"I can give you a ride." He said though it sounded almost as if he regretted the words. It wasn't exactly the gesture she'd been hoping for. She sighed.

"It's ok, I don't want to take you out of your way."

"You wouldn't." He said. Lauren bit her lip and finally got up. It beat taking public transportation filled with strangers who nearly always smelled and wanted to talk about the most boring topics invented.

Lauren struggled to open the car door but finally managed it. She climbed inside and was surprised to find the seat was amazingly comfy. After shutting the door she turned to Spencer and smiled gratefully. The little car jerked forward and Lauren thought it would fall apart.

* * *

Spencer drove in silence. Lauren sat in the passenger seat in silence. It was awful, he just wanted to say everything he felt. How he wanted her to love him the way she loved Dan. How he thought that she had cared for him that way. How it broke his heart to know she loved someone else but he was going to be happy for her. How she deserved to be happy. But he kept it all inside, shifting in his seat as if the feelings would move further down his body.

The void of noise was becoming increasingly difficult to cope with. Spencer reached forward and clicked the dial on the radio. It sprung into life, voices blabbering loudly filling the silence. Lauren had rolled down the window and was letting it blow over her. Spencer glanced every few minutes over to her. She had her eyes closed, apparently enjoying the breeze.

Spencer forgot about how much he hurt then. His gaze glancing over her still figure. Small curls of hair had escaped from the tight knot she put it in and blew in the wind delicately. Her jacket was open showing more of her pale skin and her lips were curled into the faintest of smiles. Spencer swallowed down the emotions that threatened to push out of his body. His grip tightened on the steering wheel and he tried his best to look at the road only.

Eventually they made it to the apartment building. Spencer pulled up outside, his little car shuddering at the slowing motion.

"Thanks, Spencer." Lauren said and looked to him. He stared into her big brown eyes and thought he could stay there forever. But he ripped his gaze away and looked back to the road.

"You're welcome." He replied. Lauren got out and slammed the door harder than he thought was necessary. He watched her walk into the building. She glanced back only once and he thought she was crying. It must have been his imagination.

* * *

Lauren leant against the apartment building door as she got inside. Her heart was thumping heavily and she put a hand to her chest as she thought it might burst out. A few tears caught her off guard and slid down her cheek. But she wiped them away quickly.

The walk up the stairs helped to release some of the pent up energy she'd stored in the car. It had taken all her effort not to just burst out and yell at Spencer. She was confused and exhausted of guessing his feelings. Did he like her? Didn't he? She just wished she knew!

But she hadn't had the guts to ask him. She'd been too scared to really know. What if the answer had been that he didn't? The thought alone crushed her and she took a ragged breath. After fumbling to get the keys in the lock she finally managed to open the front door.

"Aunty Lauren!" Jack's warm greeting was just what she needed. He ran towards her and she bent down to catch him in a hug.

"Hey, Jack." She said, squeezing him hard.

"You must be Lauren." A woman said suddenly. "I'm Jessica, Jack's other Aunt" She gave a warm smile. "Aaron explained the situation to me." It was odd hearing Hotch calledby his first name.

"Oh, hi." Lauren said putting Jack down and shaking the woman's hand.

"Will you be ok with him?" She asked, picking up her keys and phone in preparation to leave.

"Yeah, I think we'll be ok. Don't you?" She asked Jack who beamed an innocent smile. Lauren wished she was a child again.

The evening had gone pretty smoothly. It was the first time Lauren had been left with a child. It felt like being a true grown up and Lauren quite liked it. They'd eaten macaroni cheese and had ice cream for dessert, which Lauren had informed Jack he was not to tell his daddy about. Then they'd settled down to watch tv. But it hadn't taken them both long to fall asleep in front of the lullaby children's programme.

* * *

Hotch enjoyed his job, it kept him steady. But he hated being so late as it meant he missed Jack. And now he missed Lauren. They'd only got to spend any real time together at work and Hotch wanted to catch up with her. Luckily at that time of night traffic was non-existent. He sailed through traffic lights and down empty roads until he pulled into his allocated parking space.

Realising the time Hotch opened the door as quietly as he could. It was dark inside except for the faint blue light from the tv and the chiming sound of nursery rhymes echoed around the apartment. He dropped his briefcase, keys and coat by the front door and headed into the living room. As he rounded the corner to the couch he couldn't help but smile. Jack had fallen asleep across Lauren's lap, curled into her chest.

After scooping Jack up, putting him in his own bed and tucking him in Hotch returned to Lauren. She was peacefully sleeping splayed on the couch, though with her head curled as it was she was bound to have a headache in the morning. Hotch bent down and slipped his arms under her gently pulling her into him. Her head flopped against his chest and she made a small moan. But she pressed her body against him and he walked down the short hallway, pushing her door open with his foot.

Hotch settled Lauren into bed and pulled the duvet over her. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over her. She looked so much like her mother. He brushed a curl of hair out of her face. To him all he could see was the young girl with pig tails he used to tuck in at night. It was getting harder to realise that she was an adult now. He didn't want to let her go, she shouldn't have had to deal with everything she'd gone through. Hotch frowned at the thought of her life so far. Maybe now she was here he could offer her something better, offered her the life he should have years ago. He smiled at the thought and headed to his own room, exhausted from the day.


	23. Chapter 23

_****A/N: I know, I know, I'm a terrible updater! But I've been working on another fanfic and trying to write something for the christmas challenge. But to make it up to you all I am publishing two chapters tonight. Please review, it's really nice to hear what you think. Thanks for your patience :) ****_

Chapter Twenty Three

'_The measure of a man's real character is what he would do _

_if he knew he never would be found out.' - Thomas Babington Macaulay_

Lauren knew the team had noticed something. She and Spencer had avoided each other all morning and even into as much of the afternoon as they could. A few times they had nearly bumped into each other and it was like the room fell completely cold.

Lauren would occasionally catch Emily throwing questioning looks to Derek who would shrug. Lauren frowned. She didn't want it to be like this. But when she'd attempted conversation with Spencer he'd barely given her more than two word answers.

At three in the afternoon Lauren was completely frustrated and annoyed. She'd been banned from the case again as she was still due her assessment. Dan hadn't turned up so there was no way for her to unload all her mixed emotions. She felt alone. Emily and Derek had taken JJ to see the local police to help them in the case leaving Lauren with Spencer.

"Have you found much more on the case?" Lauren asked hopefully.

"Yes, quite a bit." He replied and then continued to focus on typing. Lauren frowned and sighed heavily. She stood up, her chair swinging out from under her with force. She strode past Spencer without looking at him and headed up the stairs towards Hotch's office. She was fed up with waiting for Dan to arrive and needed to know when this damn assessment was actually going to take place. But she got distracted before she got there.

"Lauren." Rossi's voice came from his doorway. Lauren paused and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah?"

"Come in." He said, opening his door wide for her to enter. She was surprised by this sudden invite but did as he said.

Rossi's office was quite different to Hotch's. His desk was strewn was a variety of notes and folders and even the ambient light was darker. It felt more modern. Lauren took a seat on the leather chair and waited patiently to hear what he had to say. He walked round her and sat on the edge of his desk crossing his hands on his lap. Lauren noticed then that his suit must have been very, very expensive.

"Everything going alright with the team?" He asked suddenly. Lauren kept her gaze averted, he really could exude an air of authority when he wanted to. She cleared her throat nervously.

"Yes, great." She said truthfully. "They've all been really nice at accepting me."

"Good." He said with a lopsided smile. "And Spencer?"

"What about him?" Lauren's eyes shot up to meet Rossi's who smiled in a knowing way.

"Ah." He said simply. The one word was enough to make Lauren squirm slightly in her seat. "After a few marriages, you been to recognise the signals." He said in a light tone.

"I'm really sorry." Lauren apologised leaning forward in her seat. "It will not affect my work and I doubt anything affects Spencer's." She was surprised at how she said the words in more of an admiring way than the snarky way she'd hoped.

"I'm not concerned about your work." Rossi said and then paused. "Well, obviously I am." He laughed a little making the tension in the air more comfortable. "Look, Spencer hasn't had the easiest time. And when we were in New York I could see how happy he'd been. For a time I thought it had just been the fact he'd been in the Big Apple." Rossi chuckled. "But it didn't take a genius to see that it was because of you."

Lauren squirmed again. If it was that obvious, why hadn't anyone else noticed it? Or had they? She chewed on her bottom lip at the thought.

"And then we got back here and he was kind of off." Rossi admitted. "He was quiet and unfocused. Then you showed up, and he changed again."

"I'm sure that's not all down to me." Lauren said laughing nervously.

"I don't think you realise the effect you have on him." Rossi smiled. "You haven't known him as long as we have."

"I have tried to talk to him." Lauren said suddenly. "But are you trying to encourage this?" Lauren asked confused. "I thought it was against policy for colleagues to date?"

Rossi laughed. "Some rules are made to be broken for the right circumstances." He stood up then and looked down at her with a caring expression. "Try again. Spencer needs to be certain of something before he will even attempt it. Give him that assurance."

Lauren continued to look at Rossi for a moment with a look of confusion and surprise. Eventually she managed to stand up and walk out of his office, slowly shutting the door behind her.

* * *

Spencer had kept glancing up to Rossi's office. Lauren was in there and though he was sure it was none of his business why she was, he was still desperate to know the reason.

After sleeping on the situation Spencer still didn't feel any clearer. He'd hoped once he'd truly realised Lauren was off limits his feelings would die away. But they didn't. In truth they just got a hundred times worse. When he was around her he could concentrate on nothing but how amazing she was or how every time she was close his entire body got goosebumps. And then his mind would replay the words she'd said to Dan. Spencer was desperate to twist it so as she'd said those words to him, but he couldn't deny what had happened.

So now Spencer was stuck. He couldn't bear talking or being near Lauren without hurting beyond all measure but he couldn't stand not having her there. It was better to have her as a friend than not have her at all. Not having her in his life would be a torture he knew he couldn't take.

Spencer had managed to finish up his work. He'd done a little digging into the current suspect on the case and found that everything pointed to him. The suspect, Greg Forsyte, had a history of violence and there was the mystery surrounding his brother's death. It was a pretty simple case and Spencer was surprised they had even gotten it.

The elevator doors _pinged_ open and Spencer looked up expecting to see the rest of the team come back. But instead his body tensed as Dan stepped out. The man surveyed the office and let his eyes fall on Spencer who instantly averted his gaze.

"So, you must be Spencer Reid, yes?" Dan asked as he walked up beside Spencer.

"_**Dr **_Spencer Reid." Spencer corrected him without looking to him.

"Ah, sorry. Doctor." Dan said and Spencer could hear the amusement in his words. Spencer continued to type furiously, his fingers smashing down on the buttons so hard he thought they might break. "She's pretty amazing, isn't she?" Dan said suddenly. Spencer looked to him and then followed his line of sight to where Lauren was just stepping out of Rossi's office. She looked confused but a small smile curved her lips, it made Spencer smile. "Any guy would be very lucky to have her." Spencer shot a glare to Dan who seemed to be rubbing in the fact that _he_ was the very lucky guy and not Spencer.

"Yes, I'm sure." Spencer said simply through a tensed jaw. Smash, smash, smash on the keyboard. Dan moved away then and Spencer watched as unobviously as he could as the huge man enveloped Lauren in a hug.

Spencer thought Dan looked too bulky for Lauren's slim frame. They looked out of place together. She needed someone who wasn't going to break her with every embrace. Someone like him. Spencer went back to his work, anything to distract himself from thoughts he should not have been having.

* * *

"You're finally here." Lauren said as she let go of Dan who'd practically lifted her from the ground.

"Yeah, sorry I'm so late." Dan apologised. "You would not believe the morning I've had."

"Well you're here now. Let's get on with this stupid evaluation so as I can actually start doing some real work." Dan smiled at her words and they moved towards the empty office they had used previously.

"So how do you think you're settling in here?" Dan asked in a more professional tone then Lauren had ever heard from him.

"Well, it's actually only been a few days." She admitted. "But I think I'm doing pretty well. The team have been really accepting." Lauren frowned a little. "Why isn't Hotch doing my assessment?" She knew that as head of the team, he was the one who usually did all these types of things.

Dan looked up. "Because of his connection. It would obviously make him pretty biased." He laughed and looked back down at the clipboard he held.

"Connection?" Lauren asked with a confused smile.

"Yeah." Dan said. "Him being your sponsor."

"Sponsor?" Lauren questioned again. This conversation was becoming more confusing with every word.

"Aaron Hotchner. Your sponsor." Dan said as if the words would prompt some kind of lost memory from Lauren. They didn't.

"You're gonna have to go into a little more detail." Lauren sat forward in her chair.

"You don't know?" Dan gritted his teeth and looked down.

"Dan, tell me."

"I don't know if I'm allowed." He admitted. "It's not exactly my job-"

"Tell me." Lauren was completely tense, her eyes wide with worry and confusion.

"After your…attack," He paused as Lauren winced at the memory. "You didn't seem to be doing well. Your Captain was worried, as was everyone. The required therapist sessions you did didn't help the situation."

"But Hotch told me everything was fine." Lauren looked down at her hands. Had he lied to her? Why?

"Well, it was far from fine. You weren't sleeping and your nightmares were affecting your daily life. You shoved yourself into work and didn't stop." Dan sighed and put down his clipboard. He pushed his chair close to Lauren's. "Your Captain tried to help but the powers that be were going to dismiss you."

Lauren flicked her head up. "They what?"

"But, Agent Hotchner managed to get you a position within his team." Dan said. "That took a lot of work, let me tell you." Dan laughed but stopped as he saw Lauren's fallen expression. "Anyway, because you are only on a probationary position, your work visa would expire."

"You mean I have to go back to England?" Lauren could hardly process the information. She put her face in her hands and felt Dan's hand on her knee.

"No. Agent Hotchner put in the necessary applications to be your sponsor. So you can stay in America. It just means if you can't afford to pay taxes or anything, you're his responsibility. And that's all the government really cares about anyway, right?" Dan was trying his best to lighten the mood but it didn't work.

Lauren sat in silence for at least five minutes. Why would Hotch do this? Without telling her? She was so, just so…she didn't know how she felt. Should she be angry or grateful? Upset or understanding? She just wished that he'd told her, how could he not tell her?

"You ok, Lauren?" Dan asked after a while his hand still on her knee.

"I don't know." She said and then looked up to him with wide eyes. "You're not going to put this in my evaluation are you?"

Dan sat back and laughed. "What? That you're an incredibly overemotional woman with issues?" Lauren frowned at him and he smiled. "An overemotional woman with issues who seems to be settling in just fine to her new job and has a good support network to help with adjustments."

"Thanks, Dan." Lauren said, truly grateful.

"Hey, what are friends for?" He shrugged. "Guess it's lucky you got me." He grinned and Lauren couldn't help but give a small smile back. He really was a great friend.

Lauren didn't even knock before entering Hotch's office. She slammed the door closed. He flicked his head up to her, his brows raising a little.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She shouted. "Becoming my sponsor?" Hotch said nothing. He calmly put down his pen, leant back in his chair and brushed down the creases in his shirt. "You shouldn't take that risk, Hotch. Not with what you have gone through." Hotch's mouth twitched a little at her words.

"You needed my help." He said. Lauren could have strangled him for remaining so calm whilst her entire body was bursting with mixed emotions.

"I would have managed on my own." She said through gritted teeth trying her best to be as level headed as him.

"No, you wouldn't."

Lauren's mouth fell open. "Are you saying I can't cope on my own?" She was a little more than insulted.

"Of course not." Hotch said with a sigh. "You are a very independent young woman." Young woman? Lauren raised an eyebrow at his unfortunate choice of words. "But everyone needs help. And this was a very serious situation."

"A situation I could have dealt with." Lauren retorted. "How could you do this? And without telling me!" Lauren's voice was gradually raising in volume again. "I just don't get it, Hotch." She sighed heavily. "You have Jack and you're a single, working father. A very hard working father." Lauren was getting upset again, she swallowed back the crack in her voice. "You don't need this extra burden."

"It's not a burden." He said calmly again. Lauren clenched her fists and groaned loudly.

"Of course it is!" She yelled, flinging her arms in the air in frustration. "You don't need this extra responsibility and I don't want to be the source of anymore stress for you!" Lauren shook her head. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have said no." Hotch's voice had suddenly become a little louder and sterner and Lauren felt a little better that he was becoming as riled as she was. He should be angry, he should be upset. She was causing extra work in his life, work he didn't need. She wanted him to be angry at her so as it would help with her guilt.

"And why did you do it?" She continued telling. "Why? Why? You have so much going on already, I can't allow this." Lauren looked at the ground whilst blabbering the first thoughts in her head. "I would have worked something out. I will work something out. I will tell them to stop the forms and I will find a way to do this. You don't have to. I don't want to be something you regret. I just don't get-"

"Because you might be mine!" Hotch stood sharply and his voice overpowered Lauren's easily.

They both fell very, very silent.

Hotch sighed and Lauren couldn't tell if he was more annoyed at his words or at the fact she'd got him to shout.

"Yours?" Lauren repeated. "You mean," It took a while to put the words into her mouth. "You might be my father?"

Hotch sat back down in his seat and tucked himself under his desk. Lauren watched and waited, her mouth was incredibly dry and her head was thumping.

"Were you the one night stand my mother had?" Lauren couldn't imagine Hotch making such a foolish decision. But then she guessed everyone was entitled to make a mistake. But this was one hell of a mistake. A mistake that didn't seem very Hotch-like.

"I was one of them." Lauren was taken back by the harshness of his words.

"Oh." It was all she could say. Her knees suddenly gave in and luckily there was a chair behind her. Hotch stared at the top of his desk for the longest while and Lauren stared at the ground.

"We shouldn't discuss this here." Hotch said suddenly and stood up. He strode past Lauren without stopping. Lauren fumbled to stand, her legs still weak. She leant against his door frame.

"Hotch, wait." She called after him. But he didn't. He kept going all the way to the stairs that led outside. Lauren contemplated going after him but couldn't. She had tons of questions and a million things she wanted to say, but she knew she wouldn't be able to say them.

* * *

Spencer had gone home early that day. It was an unusual occurrence but he needed to get out. Back at his apartment he felt a lot more relaxed. He was currently in the process of making a stir fry. As he cooked he wondered. Wondered what Lauren was up to at that moment. It shouldn't have mattered to him, but even after what had happened he knew he couldn't stop caring for her. It was impossible.

As Spencer sat down to eat his doorbell suddenly rang. He frowned a little. Who could have gotten into the apartment building in order to ring the bell? He was suddenly a little on edge and flicked his gaze to the revolver he kept on his side desk.

The little hole that Spencer could have looked through to see who was at his door had become useless months ago, so he had no choice but to tentatively open the door. After he had his heart stopped for the briefest of moments before thudding loudly once again.

"Lauren?" He asked, as if he thought his mind might be playing tricks on him.

"Hi, Spencer." Lauren replied sheepishly. Her face was pale and she was gripping the handle of her purse tightly. "I'm sorry to just show up." She swallowed hard. "I just, I didn't know where else to go."

Spencer pulled open his door without saying a word and watched in amazement as she walked into his apartment. He wasn't really sure what to do. He was still enjoying the novelty of having her show up at his doorstep.

"Did I stop you eating?" She said sounding awkward. "I should go."

"No, it's fine." Spencer smiled, he walked past her to hide the steaming plate of noodles and vegetables. He didn't want any excuse for her to leave. At that moment he couldn't care less about Dan or pretending to be happy for her. Whilst she was here, he had her attention, and he was desperate for it.

"I don't even really know why I'm here." She laughed lightly and it sounded like bird song in Spencer's ears. "I just needed some company."

"And you came to me?" Spencer blurted.

"Is that ok?" Lauren looked unsure suddenly. Spencer regretted asking.

"Of course." He said and she looked completely relieved. She undid the buttons of her coat and pulled it off, Spencer swallowed hard and turned around feeling suddenly quite warm. "Did you want anything to drink?" He asked, unsure of what to say.

"Maybe some water, please." She sounded unusually cautious with what she was saying. Normally she blabbered and said what she thought without worry. But Spencer noticed the tension in her voice and the careful way she spoke.

After getting her a glass of water Lauren sat herself down on Spencer's sofa and he sat on the opposite side. He watched her carefully as she sipped her drink, her hands were shaking and Spencer frowned. He didn't say anything but really wanted to put his hands around hers just to feel like he was helping.

"Do you have any movies?" She asked suddenly looking up from her glass. Spencer took a moment before he realised what she said.

"Yes." He said finally. She smiled brightly and he couldn't help but smile back. He couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment.


	24. Chapter 24

**_**Another chapter to make up for my horrible lack of updates. _**

**_Please review, it's really encouraging to hear what you guys think :) **_**

Chapter Twenty Four

'_I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,_

_there can be no more hurt, only more love.' - Daphne Rae_

Autumn seemed to take a side seat to Winter that night. Rain thrashed against Spencer's apartment windows, their frames shuddering from the force of the wind. Long bolts of lightening would occasionally light up the apartment and thunder rumbled loudly.

But Spencer couldn't have cared less about the storm raging outside. Lauren had gotten comfortable on the sofa whilst they watched the movie, one of the Star Wars movies. Her comfortable position consisted of her feet pulled up beside her and her body leaning lightly against Spencer's. He'd held his breath as he felt her lean against him, the warmth of her body making him tense visibly. But after a while he let out his breath and relaxed. For once in his life he was more interested in having someone close to him than what was on the TV screen.

As the credits began rolling on the screen Spencer felt Lauren shift. She sat forward and stretched. He tried not concentrate on the way her back curved or how her lips pouted slightly as she did so. Instead he cleared his throat, averted his gaze and felt a slight blush rise to his cheeks.

"I guess I should go back at some point." She said and pulled out the band in her hair so as it fell in waves over her shoulders. It smelt of vanilla and Spencer couldn't help but savour the scent. She looked to Spencer, her eyes sparkled in their usual way yet this time Spencer wasn't sure he had the strength to look anywhere else. "You know after today, I thought I'd done something wrong. You just really didn't want to talk to me."

Spencer choked on her hurt tone of voice. He had no idea what was the right thing to say so instead just blurted out the first thing in his head.

"It's Dan." He said and Lauren frowned in confusion. Spencer regretted saying what he did. He really had to learn to think more clearly around her. It wasn't a good habit to speak before thinking, and he seemed to do that more and more around her.

"What about him?" She prompted after Spencer failed to explain. Spencer managed to look away from her gaze. He'd never be able to think of anything when she looked at him like that.

"I know how you feel about him." Spencer finally admitted and didn't dare to look at Lauren. She stayed silent for a while.

"Spencer, he's a great friend." She said. "Is that what you mean?" She sounded utterly confused and now Spencer was also.

"I overheard what you told him the other day." Spencer finally dared a look at her. Lightening flashed through the sky outside, highlighting all of Lauren's features. Spencer caught his breath. "When you told him you loved him." It was some of the hardest words he'd ever had to say.

Spencer watched as Lauren's expression flicked through confusion, memory and then humour. She laughed.

"Spencer, Dan's gay." She said. Spencer heard the words but they didn't quite focus right in his mind. When they eventually did, his eyes widened.

"Oh." He said. And just like that every hurt and pain that Spencer had been subjected to suddenly lifted. He felt like an idiot, but a relieved idiot none the less. He took a deep breath as if this new information had freed his chest from its constricted state.

But his breath was gone again as Lauren placed her warm hand on his leg. He looked at her, those sparkling brown eyes suddenly turning into a burning gaze. Spencer still couldn't regain his breath. He continued to hold it as they both just sat and looked at each other.

There was a truly unspoken want between them. Spencer cared for Lauren more than he could put into words, but it was accompanied by a true passion that he hadn't felt for any woman before. It was the physical feeling coupled with the psychological one that was making Spencer's head spin and his palms sweat.

"Spencer." She said in barely a whisper. He'd never heard his name said in such a way before, it made his toes curl in excitement. "Kiss me." His eyes widened and he swallowed hard at her words. A clap of thunder echoed across the apartment followed by the rain battering against the windows. The rain pounded against the glass almost as hard as his heart thudded against his rib cage. He wanted to, he really, really wanted to. But he was afraid. Worried that it would all be ruined if-

He didn't have time to think. Lauren's hands gripped his waistcoat pulling him towards her. Her lips crashed onto his, She moaned lightly making every nerve in Spencer's body tingle. Her hands slowly moved up his chest to rest on his shoulders, her body turning to lean against him closely.

Spencer was unbelievably aware of the feeling of her chest against his and her hands sliding up his neck, pulling him towards her further to deepen the kiss. Her moist lips pressed against his hungrily and Spencer returned the kiss just as greedily.

Except, where Lauren was so confident in her movements and seductive in her moans, Spencer was panicked beyond belief. He had no clue what he was doing. When Lauren removed her lips from his only to replace them against the sensitive skin of his neck Spencer was frozen, half in pleasure and half in uncertainty. His hands were stuck in mid air as he had no idea where he was supposed to put them. What if he put them in the wrong place? Was it too forward to put them on her hips or not forward enough? He was enjoying this moment more than any time in his entire life! But he didn't want to ruin it by making a wrong move. He knew he was inexperienced at this, but now he truly realised how much.

* * *

Lauren was enjoying herself far too much. Her body moved on instinct, pressing tightly up against Spencer's. She didn't want to feel any distance between them. She could feel his tension but also could feel his excitement. His kiss was everything she had hoped for and more. He was gentle and careful and it was the kind of kiss that made every romantic dream real yet made you want it even more desperately.

Control was out of the window. Lauren began kissing down his neck, listening to his breathing get quicker and quicker. She pulled back ready to kiss him again and looked into his wide hazel eyes.

"I can't do this." The words slipped out of her mouth before Lauren had time to stop them. But she knew it had been the right thing to say.

"No, you can." Spencer said his hands which had previously been out of use, now quickly placed on her arms. "I'm sorry." He stumbled. "I've not done this kind of thing much." He seemed embarrassed by his confession but Lauren just smiled at him softly.

"It's not that." She said. "I just," She paused and looked down at her hands in her lap. "I have something going on and I don't think it would be the best time to do this right now." It broke Lauren's heart to say it, along with frustrating her beyond belief. But although she desperately wanted to be with Spencer, physically and emotionally, a small part of her was just doing this to make her feel better. She felt awful about what had happened with Hotch and this would have definitely made things happier. But she loved Spencer and when or if they ever did make love, she wanted it to be truly for them, and have no other reasons. It would have been unfair on Spencer to do this and also unfair on herself.

Spencer didn't reply, he only sat awkwardly staring out into his apartment. Lauren felt awful. She didn't want to seem like she didn't like him, that was not the impression she wanted to give at all.

"I'm sorry, Spencer." He still said nothing so Lauren stood up. "I should get going. I can't put it off forever." She gave a small laugh. This seemed to bring Spencer back from his thoughts. Lauren would have given anything to know what he was thinking. As she grabbed her coat and purse, Spencer walked her to the door opening it for her. She stood for a moment on the threshold and turned to lookup at him. "Thank you for tonight." She genuinely meant it. After receiving the kind of news she had, she wouldn't have been able to cope with it half as well if she hadn't had a night like that one.

Spencer said nothing but a small lopsided smile creased his lips. It was faint and slightly sad but Lauren was just thankful he'd made some kind of motion.

"Good bye." In a swift motion Lauren tip toed, put a hand on Spencer's chest and kissed his cheek. She let her lips linger for a little longer than she probably should have. But at that moment all of Lauren's worries lifted, and she just felt happy. Complete and utter joy. When she pulled away all the concerns that had momentarily gone came back down with a heavy thump on her shoulders.

"I've got to go." She managed to say before her thoughts really did get the better of her. Spencer said nothing but put up one hand in a weak wave.

Lauren had to catch the bus back to Hotch's apartment. It wasn't the nicest journey. She had to sit in her soaking clothes from the rain and the bus smelt like wet dog. As it finally pulled up to the stop near the apartment building Lauren practically ran off of it.

It was still raining hard and the wind whipped Lauren's hair around her. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself and headed inside. Her hands were shivering so much she could barely get the key in the door. It finally opened and she stepped inside with chattering teeth.

Hotch was there in a flash, rounding the corner from the living room and inspecting her with a worried gaze.

"You're soaked." He said stating the obvious.

"I know." She said peeling off her wet coat. Hotch disappeared for a moment only to return with two big fluffy cotton towels. They were toasty warm as he draped them across her shoulders.

After changing into a dry set of pyjamas Lauren made her way into the small kitchen. Hotch was waiting, as she had expected him to be.

"Where's Jack?"

"In bed." He said. Lauren glanced to the clock. It was 12:30am, she hadn't realised the time go by whilst at Spencer's.

"Sorry to keep you up again." Lauren took a seat opposite Hotch. He pushed a blue china mug in her direction and she wrapped her freezing cold fingers around it. The steam inside danced under her breath as she took a sip.

"I think we should discuss-"

"We don't have to." Lauren interrupted. On the way home from Spencer's she'd given real thought to what Hotch had done. And she felt completely ashamed of herself. "I was stupid. You did a huge favour for me and I repaid you by shouting and being ungrateful." Lauren looked up from her mug and frowned. "I am so sorry, Hotch. You don't know how thankful I am." To Lauren's surprise he smiled.

"I will always be here for you." He said, and she knew he really meant it. Lauren smiled, got up and took the seat next to Hotch. She pulled her knees to her chest and leant into him. He apparently wasn't surprised by her usual affectionate way and wrapped his arms around her body. His hands rubbed her arms trying to warm them up.

"So do you want to talk about the other thing?" Lauren asked eventually taking another sip of her tea.

"Not unless you want to." He replied. Lauren didn't, having to deal with Hotch as her possible father was something she needed to think of another day. Instead she was more than content to sit wrapped in his safe, warm hug into the early hours of the morning.

* * *

Spencer had stood at his door motionless for at least five minutes after Lauren had left. He'd been dreaming of kissing Lauren for so long that he really thought that if he did, all of the tension he'd felt around her would disappear. But now, he just wanted even more. He didn't really want to admit that he was so swayed by his physical needs but at that moment it had taken all of his mental effort not to go after her.

The need that he'd felt for Lauren emotionally and physically had now increased to such a level that Spencer could barely think of anything else. Eventually he shut the door and leant against it trying to slow his breathing to a regular pace. His heart was still thudding in his chest and his entire body was tingling beyond control. But he frowned, a little confused by what had happened.

Every time they managed to get close one of them seemed to pull away. Spencer was sure it wasn't a conscious thing they were doing, she didn't seem the type to play games and he certainly wouldn't even know where to start at being a 'game player'. But still on a subconscious level he wondered if there was some reason for this. He shook his head trying to rid the thought. All he wanted to focus on at that moment was the memory of Lauren's lips on his.

The next morning seemed to bring the return of summer. The sun shone through Spencer's window waking him in a warm embrace. The rain and wind from the previous night were distant memories, as were any thoughts of Dan. Spencer had never been so elated to hear of someone's sexual preference.

Spencer had skipped breakfast and bought some on the way in: a blueberry muffin and tall coffee. He sipped at the hot beverage as he stepped off the elevator.

"Morning." He said with a wide smile. The rest of the team looked at him some with surprised looks and others with raised eyebrows.

"You've certainly changed your attitude from yesterday." Emily said to him and shot a look to Derek. Spencer said nothing else and sat at his desk, letting his satchel slip from his shoulder to the floor.

"So what made you so happy?" Derek asked.

"Or who?" Emily added with a laugh.

"Good morning everyone." Lauren chimed, seeming to answer the question. Spencer watched nervously as Emily and Derek exchanged a look which Spencer couldn't quite recognise.

"Did something happen I don't know about?" Derek asked. "Everyone seems to have become different people." Lauren raised an eyebrow at Derek's joking smile.

"Well," JJ interrupted the conversation as she walked through the glass doors towards them. "The local police arrested Greg Forsyte this morning."

"Really?" Lauren asked almost spilling the mug of tea she held.

"Yep." JJ replied. "But don't get too comfy, we already have another case."

"Uh." Emily groaned. "I was hoping for a little break." JJ smiled at her.

"And Lauren can join us on this one." JJ smiled at her. "Your evaluation came back. You're ready for work." Lauren stood from her seat and looked like she was about to hug JJ, but she managed to refrain from doing so. It made Spencer smile, he admired the fact she wore her heart on her sleeve. It was such a rare quality in this type of career.

"Thanks." Lauren said simply.

"Hotch is already waiting." At those words the team got up and headed up the stairs.

Spencer was the first in and took his usual seat. He glanced up when Lauren walked in. She beamed at him and he couldn't help but do the same. But he frowned a little as he noticed the odd glance between her and Hotch. She had given a quick smile to him and Hotch had simply nodded his head.

Spencer looked between Lauren and Hotch. When Lauren had been with him the previous night, a fact he was still more than a little excited about, she hadn't told him what the matter had been. Spencer, just wanting to enjoy her company and the situation it had led to, hadn't pushed to find out what was wrong. But the way she'd been a little hesitant to head back to Hotch's apartment now made Spencer wonder if something had happened between them. Is that what had made Lauren stop? He tried not to think about it, it was none of his business. But the thought continued to nag him.

* * *

Lauren took a seat opposite Spencer. Seeing him sent little butterflies fluttering through her stomach, it was a nice feeling. But the butterflies fled as she looked to Hotch's professional expression.

Last night Hotch had been more comforting than she'd ever known, but this morning he'd been incredibly distant. He'd gotten Jack ready for school and barely said two words to Lauren. It was distressing and Lauren was unsure what to do. She couldn't lose what she had with Hotch. Maybe the revelation he'd made was just too much for him to handle. Lauren didn't know, and wouldn't know because the damn man wouldn't talk about anything!

"Well my lovelies." Penelope began walking towards the large monitor on the far wall. "You will all be heading out to Alamosa, Colorado." Lauren took the folder Penelope handed to her and flicked it open. She was greeted with a picture of a half naked body spread in a rather embarrassing position. Lauren's face saddened. How could someone do this to another person?

"The first victim is Katie Priceton. A 27 year old single mother."

"Where's her child?" Lauren asked before she could stop herself. Penelope gave her a sympathetic smile.

"With social services in Alamosa." She replied and then looked back to the monitor. "Along with the child of our second victim." She clicked on a remote and brought up another profile picture. It was a man this time, with a strong looking face and a scar on his chin. "Walter Hope. He was 32 and has-had" Penelope corrected herself and Lauren realised at least this wasn't easy for her either. "He had a 12 year old son. Again he is with social services. A third victim turned up last night. 29 year old Stacey Cramer."

"Child as well?" Lauren asked but wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"No." Penelope said. Lauren sighed in small relief.

"They're all in exposed sites." Rossi commented looking at one of the crime scene photos. Lauren looked over the photos.

"They would have been easily found." She added. "Stacey Cramer- I mean the third victim." Lauren glanced at Hotch who just stared at his folder. He'd advised her not to use the victim's name to help with distancing herself from the cases. "She was practically left in a car parking space."

"So he's a pretty confident unsub." Rossi said.

"We'll know more after we've talked to the local police." Hotch said. "Wheel's up in thirty." And with that everyone got up again. Lauren had a small panic. She hadn't packed a bag or even prepared for travelling.

"Um, Hotch." She said in almost a whisper. She really didn't want to have to admit she was already screwing up on her first true day of work. He stopped and turned to her. "I, uh, don't have anything packed."

"That's my fault." He said. "I forgot to go through the processes with you. We always have a go bag. Most of our cases mean we travel."

"I know. I should have been more prepared." Lauren apologised. Hotch seemed to be avoiding making eye contact with her. "Maybe you could just give me a ride back to your place and I'll shove some stuff in a bag?" He frowned at her suggestion.

"Morgan." He called loudly. Lauren glanced over her shoulder to see Derek heading back into the room.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I need you to take Lauren to pick up her go bag." Hotch commanded. Lauren flicked her gaze back to him and looked as pained as she felt. Did he really want to avoid her that much?

"Sure." Derek agreed, a slight hint of confusion in his words. Hotch then walked out of the room, leaving Lauren to feel upset alone.

The ride to Hotch's apartment was filled with idle conversation. Derek was great company. He talked with enthusiasm and smiled the entire time. It would have been perfect if only Lauren could have kept her thoughts on the conversation. But she kept running through her worries. What was wrong with Hotch? She was so sure everything had been fine last night. And if she couldn't even figure that out with Hotch, how was she supposed to get any closer to having any kind of relationship with Spencer? She was sure she'd made the right decision to wait until she'd settled things. But it was getting harder especially after last night's intimate moment.

"Lauren?"

"Huh?" Lauren looked dumbly at Derek who gave a soft laugh. "I'm sorry, Derek." She said feeling guilty for not listening.

"It's ok, I've gotten used to it from you and Reid the past couple of days." Derek slowed his driving and looked at Lauren. "You know, we're all pretty close in the team."

"I know." Lauren replied.

"We're all here, if you need anything." Derek looked at her seriously through his dark shades. Lauren knew he was being honest and she would have loved to spill it all to him right then and there. But she knew she couldn't. Hotch's secret, well, that was something she wouldn't reveal. And this thing with Spencer and her…maybe she could talk to him about that.

"Thanks, Derek." Lauren said finally. "I really appreciate it. I'm just still adjusting. The assessment was pretty tiring." She lied, it wasn't tiring but it had been kind of stressful.

"I can imagine." He said, pulling up outside of the building. "But at least you get to actually be on the case this time."

Lauren smiled at him. He was right. She should just be thankful that she had a job, and one with such amazing colleagues.


	25. Chapter 25

****A/N: Yay! A new chapter! :D Ok, I've never been to Alamosa and I know there probably isn't a big court house or anything, but let's call it artist's liberties, lol :)****

**Chapter Twenty Five**

"_Happiness grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers' gardens." – Douglas William Jerrold_

Lauren and Derek made it to the plane just in time. Everyone was already settled in their usual places and Lauren hovered by the door unsure of where to sit. They all looked so comfortable, it was easy to tell they had all worked together for so long. But Lauren didn't want to upset any kind of system they had.

Hotch was sat towards the end of the plane, JJ, Emily and Derek were sat at the table, Rossi was sat in front of her and Spencer was sat near to them all to one side. It was obvious they all had their own seat and they had done for some time. Lauren looked over the empty spaces, specifically the ones next to Hotch and Spencer.

The plane began to move and Lauren was jolted forward. She took the seat closest to her and guessed the decision of where to sit had been made for her.

"Flying still not your favourite past time?" Rossi smiled sympathetically at her as she slid further into the seat next to him.

"Not really." She tried to keep a calm tone but her finger nails dug into the soft leather arms of the seat.

"Maybe Reid can give you some oh-so-comforting flying facts." Lauren listened to Rossi's amused words desperately trying to ignore the vibrations beneath her feet.

"It's not a long flight so let's get started." Hotch said as he walked toward the table central of the plane. Derek had already set up his laptop so as Penelope peered through the screen at them all with a bright smile.

"The police department will be waiting for you when you get to the airport. It's a pretty small community which might make things easier." Penelope suggested.

"Or harder." Derek commented.

"Small communities can sometimes be harder to penetrate and get information from." Spencer said in his usual matter of fact way. "They feel more loyal to each other and often feel more denial over the acts committed by someone they know so well."

"Well, let's hope there's lots of neighbourly disputes." Rossi stood from his seat and rested against the side of the plane as he looked over them all. Lauren was sat with her back to them glancing over her shoulder, still feeling too uncomfortable to get up and walk around the big tin can flying through the air.

"When we land Derek and Prentiss go and see the latest crime scene. Rossi, you and Reid can go to the morgue and see if there has been anything new found. I will stay at the police department and begin setting up."

"And what about me?" Lauren asked only now standing from her seat and staring at Hotch. She didn't feel hurt that he'd forgotten her, he must have been so used to the team being just them for so long. "I can help you-"

"No, you can go with Derek."

"Actually, Sir," Penelope's voice came from the laptop. "You may need help setting up the equipment. The local PD have granted me permission into their records but it will require a link up to their systems." Lauren could have hugged Penelope if she hadn't been just pixels on a screen.

Hotch frowned. "Of course." He said finally and Lauren sighed in relief. They needed time alone.

* * *

The flight had gone as they usually did. There had been quite a bit of chatting from Emily, JJ and Derek with witty interjections made by Rossi. Spencer had smiled and nodded when the need had arose but his attentions had been elsewhere. He been watching Hotch and Lauren from above the folder he held.

Lauren would often look to Hotch with a worried, confused expression but Hotch would pretend to ignore her. He shifted in his seat often and tried to concentrate on his i-Pad and the case files on them. Spencer didn't understand what had happened between them but it must have been serious. He wasn't ever one to pry into the personal lives of others, especially Hotch's. But whatever had happened was upsetting Lauren and all he wanted to do was help. It was hard to watch Lauren looking so dejected and sad. The light buzzed at the front of the plane indicating they would be landing and Spencer tried to concentrate on the case ahead.

The team had been quick to move into action when they had reached the airport. Derek and Emily had hopped straight into the rented SUV and driven off and Lauren had obediently followed Hotch towards their own vehicle.

"Coming?" Rossi asked Spencer. Spencer barely heard the question as he watched Lauren and Hotch drive away. "Reid?"

"Huh?" Spencer spun round to face the older agent.

"What's wrong?" Rossi looked concerned. "I've never know you to be…unfocused."

"It's nothing." Spencer lied and headed past Rossi towards the large black car. He pulled open the door and sat in the passenger seat.

The pair drove in silence for some time. Spencer let thoughts of Lauren whirl in his head. Though she was driving him to distraction he couldn't say he necessarily didn't enjoy it. His work had been his focus for so long he'd almost forgotten what it was like to be sidetracked.

"Thinking of Lauren?" Rossi asked suddenly. Spencer flicked his gaze to him and felt unsure how to answer. He ran his fingers nervously over his legs and tried to think of a response. "I'm guessing you noticed the way Hotch and her were avoiding looks on the plane?"

"Oh. That." Spencer said in relief. "I can't work out what it was about."

"Maybe that's for the best." Rossi said with a shrug. "Hotch can be pretty stubbornly private about some things."

"I suppose it's none of our business." Spencer said and watched as Rossi gave a slow smile.

* * *

The Alamosa Police Department was deceptively large. The building was old and made of a cream coloured brick. It was square and looked pretty tiny from the outside. But as Lauren walked through the glass doors the inside was open and airy. The equipment was modern and clean and the few people inside looked unstressed. It was a far cry from the scene in the New York department.

"You must be from the FBI." A woman said as she neared them. She was tall and slim and looked more like a surfer than a police woman. "I am Captain Margaret Harper." She held out a hand and Hotch took it politely.

"I'm Agent Aaron Hotchner and this is provisionary Agent Lauren Lewis." Lauren couldn't help but smile as she shook the woman's hand. Agent Lewis. It sounded good. Even if she was only provisionary for now.

"We're glad you're here." Captain Harper sounded truly relieved. "We've never had anything like this happen here. It's put the town in panic mode."

"The victims weren't all from here were they?" Lauren asked. She'd been reading the files and the first two victims originated from completely different states.

"No, we get a lot of people staying here 'cause it's close to the court house in the city."

"So there's lots of strangers?" Hotch confirmed and Harper nodded.

"We've cleared out a room for you guys to use." Captain Harper lead them to the back of the large building. The room they had been given was light and had wide windows looking over beautifully cut lawns with orange leaved trees sprouting from them. "If you need anything just let one of us know." Harper smiled politely and shut the door behind her, leaving Hotch and Lauren alone.

"She seemed nice." Lauren said after a while of silence.

"Not all police departments are so welcoming." Hotch stated and began pulling out his laptop and files from his large briefcase. Lauren also began to help set up everything they would need. As she did she watched him carefully. She just couldn't work out what she'd done. Everything had been fine last night, in fact better than fine.

"So," Lauren said trying to once again start conversation without just asking what was wrong. Hotch never did well with up front questions about his wellbeing. "Have you had a case in Colorado before?"

"A couple." Hotch answered and then fell silent again. Lauren frowned.

"Have I done something?" Lauren blurted finally, unable to cope with the cold shoulder. She stood straight and put a hand on her hip.

"This is hardly the time or place to have a discussion, Lauren." He said strictly still continuing with unpacking his things. Lauren groaned in frustration and walked towards him.

"Hotch," She said as she pulled his arm so as he'd face her directly. "I don't understand what I've done." His face was unreadable. "You seemed happy last night."

"I'm not unhappy." Hotch said. "I'm…" His brow furrowed and he seemed to be searching for the right words. "We will talk later. Right now, we have work to do." He slid his arm from her light grip and got back to opening up his laptop. Lauren wanted to shake him until he told her what was wrong but he was right. As usual. She didn't want anyone else to die because she was unfocused by her personal life.


End file.
